


Song of Sand and Dust

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: And Romance, And angst, F/F, This will have dark moments, another AU, but also fluff, not me, very loosely inspired by the Mad Max video game, who's surprised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-02-14 09:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 57,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13004844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: She wakes in the desert with blood on her clothes and no memories but her name. As she struggles against the darkness in her mind, Erin learns about the world she lives in, meets people good and bad... and someone only she might be able to save. The Mad Max (video game) AU nobody asked for, but which you are getting anyway because I'm AU trash.





	1. Horse with no Name

**Author's Note:**

> So I was planning to wait with posting this until I got more written, but I'm quite excited about it and wanted to share it with you guys XD So updates might be a bit slower than usual, but if work on this progresses as it did so far, it shouldn't be too bad :D Let me know what you think :D

_I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name_

_It felt good to be out of the rain_

_I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name_

_It felt good to be…_

She didn’t have a horse, and it certainly would have been nice to be in the rain. It was hot, and dusty, sand everywhere, and she was tired and thirsty.

She was also covered in blood, her clothes stiff where the stuff had dried on it, and she found it a bit disconcerting that she knew her name, and the song playing over and over in her head, but nothing else about herself, neither who she truly was, nor how she had gotten here.

_I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name_

_Erin my name is Erin_

_It felt good to be out of the rain_

_Erin Gilbert my name is Erin Gilbert_

There was no pain, and she hadn’t been able to find any wounds anywhere on her body; she wasn’t sure if this was good or bad though, unable to remember how the blood had ended up on her clothing and hands and whose blood it was.

It probably should concern her more than it did, because if all that blood was from one person, that person now was surely dead, but she couldn’t even remember how old she was, and this fact worried her much more than the blood on her clothes and skin did.

The song in her hand mixed with a vaguely familiar noise coming up in the distance, distracting her from the disconcerting lack of memory; and apparently, while her brain had some sort of malfunction, it wasn’t completely broken, as she identified the noise a second later.

She wasn’t sure if car engines, and more than one, were a good sign or a bad one, but she realized that she couldn’t do much about it – the desert was flat as far as she could look, just sand everywhere, no rocks or trees or even just scraggly bushes she could have used to hide behind.

So, she stopped walking, thinking that maybe, she’d be lucky, and they wouldn’t notice her, despite how unlikely this was; or perhaps, they would be friendly, and help her, and give her a place to sleep and water and something to eat.

A cloud of sand and dust appeared up ahead, showing that the vehicles were coming closer; briefly, Erin wondered if she might be able to outrun them, should they turn out to be not so friendly after all, then realized how unlikely this was, because certainly, they would have tires suitable for the sand, and she was on foot.

Then, the cars came into view, and _car_ was a generous description for the rolling heaps of junk; they seemed to work well enough, despite how haphazardly put together they looked, and clearly, at least one of the drivers had spotted her, as the cars corrected their course, just enough to be approaching her now instead of moving past her.

For a moment, Erin still considered running, then stayed where she was after all, trying to not let it show how her heart was racing in her chest now; the cars slowed down as they got nearer, then stopped, and one of the drivers hopped out, his clothing as haphazardly put together as the car itself, but at least he didn’t look as if he wanted to have her for dinner.

“Yo”, he called out, pushing the protective goggles he was wearing up onto his forehead, “you lost or something?”

“I don’t know”, Erin decided that being honest might be the best policy, “I don’t remember. All I know is my name.”

The man looked mildly surprised at this, then briefly spoke to his companions, low enough that she couldn’t hear what they were saying; when he looked back at her, he smiled though, and even though he had really bad teeth, just a few blackened stumps left, Erin was relieved, unable to see any malice in that smile.

“Hop in then Sweetheart”, he said, and while she didn’t like it to be called that, it didn’t diminish her relief, as she knew that only certain death would await her, should she continue alone on foot in this desert, without food or water, “we’re going to the camp, you can get some grub and water there.”

Nodding, she briskly walked over to the car and got into the passenger seat; there were no doors, which was a bit worrisome again, and the seat was quite dirty and not exactly comfortable, but it still was better than dying of dehydration or sunstroke.

“Here”, the driver said, and her carefully upheld composure cracked when he held a canteen out to her and she could hear the water slosh inside, “drink up. Empty it if you want, we got running water at the camp.”

“Thank you”, Erin still took time to say as she accepted the canteen, then drank somewhat greedily; the water was lukewarm, and probably not all to fresh anymore, but still it tasted like the sweetest wine to her, the man snickering at the speed she gulped the water down with.

“Slow down”, he then advised, sounding amused, “or you gonna puke in my car, don’t do that. S’not far to the camp, you can get as much as you want there.”

Even though she still was thirsty, and found herself wondering how long she actually had been walking through the desert before she more or less had come back to her senses, Erin forced herself to slow down, not wanting to repay the man by throwing up in his car; still she emptied the canteen, and had to stifle a burp afterwards, feeling so much better already that it was almost ridiculous.

“So you only remember your name?” the man spoke up again once she had given the canteen back to him and he had clipped it to his belt, thankfully keeping one hand on the steering wheel, “nothin’ else?”

“No”, Erin gave back, suddenly irrationally afraid that he would accuse her of lying and would through her out of the car, the thought making her wonder if this meant that something similar had happened to her before, “I don’t even know how old I am, or what I was doing before I… came back around in that desert.”

“Huh”, he let out, apparently not thinking that she was lying, to her relief, “well, maybe you been in the sun for too long. That does weird things to people.”

Erin nodded, not sure what else to reply; the man gave her another smile, then fell silent, and focused on driving, Erin peering through the windshield in an attempt to spot the camp they would allegedly reach soon, curious about what sort of place it would be.

It didn’t take long until what she assumed was the camp appeared on the horizon, the size surprising her; the area was protected by a high fence built from scrap metal, high enough so she couldn’t see any of the buildings, but she could see columns of smoke rise to the sky, and when they got closer, she could see guards patrolling on top of the wall, crude looking guns in their hands.

_Huh_ , Erin though to herself, belatedly realizing that the song had stopped playing in her mind and feeling glad about it, it had been getting really annoying, _well… guess it’s better to be safe than sorry._

She wondered if she had known more about the world before whatever it had been which had caused her amnesia, if perhaps, men with guns wouldn’t have come as a surprise to her before that unsettling black hole had formed in her mind; the man driving the car didn’t seem to mind much though, and so, she gave her best to shrug it off, too, watching with a bit of awe how a gate swung open seemingly effortlessly as the cars got closer to the wall.

The car in the lead honked in response, a surprisingly loud and somewhat rusty sound; and as the vehicle she was in rolled into the camp, Erin forgot all about her worries about this place, too impressed and fascinated by what she was seeing.

Just like the wall, the huts all over the large camp had been built with scrap metal and wood, looking sturdy enough to withstand possible desert storms; that thought made her wonder if there were any actual storms in this desert, and where this desert even was, but she quickly shut those thoughts off, knowing that dwelling on how much she didn’t know wouldn’t lead anywhere good.

_It will come back to you_ , she told herself while the driver parked the car and hopped out, prompting her to do the same, _no one has amnesia forever, right? It’ll all come back, maybe already tonight when you sleep._

“C’mon”, the man’s voice distracted her from these thoughts, “I’ll take you to meet the big boss, introduce you to him. He’s always happy to get new people for this place, we got so much work to do.”

Erin nodded her agreement, and he smiled at her again before he started walking; and as she followed him, Erin glanced around, took note of several tired and perhaps even frightened faces, the first small seeds of doubt blooming in her mind as she walked with the man, accompanied by the dreadful gut feeling that perhaps, this wasn’t the nice, peaceful place she at first had thought it might be.


	2. Hail to the King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't hate me. Pretty please?

_Hail to the King_  
_Hail to the One_  
 _Kneel to the crown_  
 _Stand in the sun_

Fitting for the leader of such a camp, his hut was the biggest, and stood right in the middle of the camp; it also looked like the most stable one, and even though she was still worried, Erin had to admire the craftsmanship as she was led inside.

She could easily tell who the leader was, a huge man who sat on an equally massive chair right in the middle of the hut’s large main room, speaking to some frightened looking thin man standing in front of the chair; the smaller man was nodding enthusiastically, wringing his hands, the leader not speaking loud enough for Erin to hear him, but apparently, whatever he was saying was positive for the other man, since he nodded again, then scurried away, oddly reminding Erin of a frightened weasel.

“HA!” the large man boomed once he took note of Erin and the man who had led her here, “you’re back! Finally! How did it go?”

“Very well”, the man replied, surprising Erin with the little bow he performed afterwards, “and we found another member for our community. This is Erin, King, we found her in the desert.”

“In the desert”, the bulky man echoed, raising an eyebrow at her, “what were you doing in the desert, little one?”

“I’m not sure”, Erin replied, thinking to herself about how, to a man of this size, _everyone_ was probably a “little one”, “I… all I can remember is my name. Which you already know. So…”

“Maybe heatstroke”, the driver supplied helpfully, sounding quite eager to please, again making Erin wonder if perhaps, this wasn’t the nice place she had at first thought, “the sun does weird things to the brain. Cooks it in the skull.”

“She has no sunburn though”, the large man pointed out, Erin asking herself if King was his title or his actual name while this conversation happened, “so she can’t have been there that long. Not that it matters, I guess, I’m sure we can find something to do for you for which you won’t need special skills.”

Erin just nodded, not sure what else to reply; it made her feel a bit uneasy how King didn’t seem to care much about the blood on her clothes and hands, not acting as if he had registered it at all, leaning back in his seat comfortably, the way his eyes never left her only making her unease grow.

“I think you’ll start at the scrap heap”, he told her, “that’s easy enough. Sort through what our drivers bring and find the parts we can still use. Think you can do that?”

Erin nodded again, having the feeling now that she didn’t have much of a choice, anyway, the man seemed amiable enough, but there was _something_ in his eyes which unsettled her, even though she couldn’t quite say what it was.

“Good”, he said, smiling and showing surprisingly white and even teeth, a crass difference to the teeth of the man who had driven her to this camp, “Stump will take you there and show you a few things, then you can get started. Oh, and make sure she gets clean clothes and can wash up a little bit first.”

The man next to her nodded, leading Erin to conclude that Stump was either his name or nickname; he nodded eagerly, appearing ab it relieved now, bowing again before he asked Erin to come with him, and she followed him as he led the way, feeling King’s eyes on her back as she walked, and finding herself wondering if she’d be allowed to leave, should she tell the man she wanted to, or if she was a prisoner here now, not quite sure she wanted to find out.

* * *

Quite a while later, Erin had cleaned up and was wearing fresh clothes, both the pants and garments made from rough fabric which scratched at every moment; she wondered if she’d get used to this as she followed Stump to the scrap, the man explaining what she would have to do there as he led the way.

“It’s really not difficult”, he let her know, “we bring the stuff we find during our… drives and the scrap heap guys sort it, and help carrying it where it is needed if it’s big or heavy or both. You gonna build up some muscle.”

Erin let out a vaguely agreeing noise to that, telling herself to lay low for now, and to keep her eyes open until she’d know more about this camp and about how things really were here; Stump gave her another one of his toothless smiles – leading her to wonder if his name actually came from his lack of teeth, since his arms and legs were fine and whole – then they rounded a corner and arrived at the scrap heap, Erin finding herself a bit taken aback at the size of said heap.

From what she could tell, a lot of it was just junk, bits and pieces of metal and wood and plastic; she could see three people sorting through things, and Stump let her know that one of them would teach her what to look for, making her nod yet again.

He led her to another woman who was looking at small parts of iron and steel, told her that Erin was new and that she would work with them here; the woman looked quite annoyed, didn’t protest though, even though she sounded somewhat grumpy when she told Erin to follow her, leading her to one of the corners of the heap where nobody was working yet.

“Look for parts the builders and the engineer can use”, she said, not very helpful, but still Erin nodded, “anything which isn’t too rusted or bent out of shape. Make a pile of good parts to your left and bad parts to your right.”

Erin nodded again, even though she wasn’t sure she’d be able to work efficiently with these instructions; apparently though, the woman thought that she had done enough, since she turned and walked back to her own corner of the heap, Erin feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed as she looked at the masses of trash.

Then, she took in a deep breath, and told herself that she could do this, at least for a while, until she’d know what was going on at this place; and so, she got to work, pulling pieces from the heap and studying them before she put them either left or right.

It was dull work, and monotone, and her mind started to wander as she worked; she thought about the unsettling darkness in her memories, wondered what had caused them, where the blood on her clothes had come from, if she had hurt or perhaps even had killed someone, or if she had been holding someone who’d been hurt.

She also wondered where she had been before she had come back around in the desert, if it had been a place like this camp, if the whole world was like that; and suddenly, out of nowhere, an image flashed through her mind, of a hulking metal construction lying on the sand, followed suit by the sudden knowledge of what this giant thing was.

_A ship. A cruise liner maybe, stranded on the sand._

“Hey, you!” a voice right next to her tore her out of these thoughts, making her jump, “you the new one right? Help me with that!”

It was a man calling out to her, vaguely familiar, and after a moment, she realized that it was one of the drivers who had found her; he was struggling with what appeared to be a bumper bar, and Erin moved to help him, even though the thing was quite badly bent out of shape, making her wonder if it actually could be still be used.

“We have to get this to the engineer”, he told her, huffing and puffing as they lifted it together, “mine got damaged, and I need that repaired quick.”

“Okay”, Erin gave back, even though she wasn’t sure he expected her to reply; he let out a grunt in reply, then led the way, Erin trailing along behind him, giving her best to carry her part of the weight, still eager to keep her head low.

They walked for a while, to the leader’s large hut and past it, to what looked like a haphazardly added shed; not bothering to knock, the man pushed the door open, bellowing a loud “Hey!” as he stepped inside, Erin following suit, only to freeze on the spot a moment later as she got her first good look at the inside of the small building.

It was made even smaller, almost claustrophobic, by all the clutter everywhere; she could see a workbench at the wall opposite to the door, a woman standing there and muttering to herself under her breath, turning at Erin and the driver though when he said “Hey!” again, even louder this time.

“I need you to fix that!” he said, nodding at the bumper he was carrying, not noticing how Erin could just stand there and stare; the woman looked as if she hadn’t washed in weeks, matted hair hanging into a dirty and bruised face, an equally dirty patch covering one of her eyes, the other eye darting back and forth nervously, looking everywhere but at the two people.

The state of the woman would have been frightening enough all on its own, Erin thought to herself somewhat numbly, while the driver dragged the bumper bar over to the woman and dropped it at her feet; the dirt and the bruises wasn’t even what upset her the most though, and she fully realized that she might be in bigger trouble than she had thought so far.

The heavy iron collar locked around the woman’s neck and the chain which ran from it and vanished somewhere beneath the workbench showed her quite clearly that things could get very bad in this place.


	3. The Great Escape - The Plan

_This is the great escape_  
_This is a dreamer’s dream_  
 _This is a picture of misery_

Once she was back at the scrap heap, Erin couldn’t stop thinking about the woman chained up in the shed, and it didn’t take long until the other woman, the one who had more or less instructed her, noticed how distracted she was.

“Always the same”, she said, shaking her head as Erin looked at her, “taking the newcomers there way too early. It’s not a nice sight, I know, but trust me, King has his reasons for doing what he does.”

“What reason can there be to treat someone like that”, Erin demanded to know, forgetting her plans to lay low for the time being, “he’s got her chained up in there like some sort of animal!”

“She’s crazy”, the woman replied, unimpressed by Erin’s indignation, “it’s for her own safety, and for ours. Just take it as it is, as I said, King knows what he is doing.”

Erin wasn’t so easily convinced, even if she couldn’t remember anything but her name, she knew that treating people like this just wasn’t right, and while the woman’s mumbling had seemed a bit strange, she hadn’t appeared dangerous to Erin, only frightened and confused.

_I’d be frightened and confused too if I was locked up like that,_ she thought to herself, but knew better than to say this out loud; she realized that the woman couldn’t care less about the poor younger one in the shed, and so, she gave her best to not let it show how much what she had seen had shaken her up.

Still she could feel the woman eying her every now and then, and worried that her thoughts might not be hidden as well as she hoped; she didn’t want to imagine what King might do to her, should the woman decide to tattle, all too aware that she might end up in a similar way, chained up in some small shed, with no way to leave.

Thankfully though, the woman seemed to forget about her suspicions, focusing on her work fully again after a while; Erin did the same, working hard to keep her face carefully neutral, until the woman straightened up and stretched, sounding not quite friendly, but thankfully also not hostile when she told Erin it was dinnertime and asked her to follow her.

As if hearing the woman talk about dinner had woken her stomach up, it rumbled audibly, and she was glad that she’d be given food; the woman led her to what she assumed was a sort of dining hall, then hurried off and left her standing there, clearly having no interest in sitting with her during dinnertime.

Erin didn’t mind much though, glad to have some time to herself; she got herself a bowl of the food which was handed out to what she assumed were low-level workers like her, an unidentifiable mush which didn’t look all too tasty, but she figured it at least would stop her stomach from grumbling.

It tasted as strange as it looked, but she forced herself to eat it all, down to the last spoonful, figuring she could need the energy; there was water, too, apparently unlimited since she saw several people refill their cups, and she figured that she could do the same, finishing her food though before she went to get more water.

“…your turn today”, she heard a man say as she walked to the water barrel to get a refill, “I fed her yesterday.”

“I know”, another guy replied, in a whiny tone, “but I don’t wanna go there again, can’t you do it for me? Please? I’ll give you three cigarettes!”

“Keep your stinkin cigarettes, they suck”, the first man said, while Erin filled her cup as slowly as she could, a vague plan forming in her mind, even though she wasn’t sure they really were talking about the woman in the shed, and not quite sure how to find out, only to have the question answered a moment later.

“Blah, fine”, the second guy grumbled, glaring at the bowl of food as if it was to blame, “but if she had another crazy moment and throws that shit at me again, I’m not feeding her for a month. Let her starve at that workbench if she doesn’t appreciate it.”

“Excuse me”, Erin spoke up before she could overthink this and stop herself, or before the man could walk off, “I can take that food to the engineer, if you want, I’m new and I want to be helpful.”

“Oh thank God”, unwilling guy sighed, while his buddy just smirked, neither of them suspecting that Erin had reasons to offer her help which had nothing to do with being new and wanting to please, “but be careful, woman, she throws the bowl sometimes.”

“Lucky you”, the first man teased, shaking his head when Erin reached for the bowl and telling her to wait a moment; she watched how he pulled a small flask from his pocket and let a few drops of clear liquid fall into the mush, not bothering to explain what this was and why he put it in there, and Erin figured that asking might not be smart, simply nodding when he told her she could take the food to the shed now.

Glad that her offer hadn’t raised any suspicions, Erin took the bowl and briskly walked out, giving her best to appear inconspicuous; nobody paid any attention to her as she left the dining hall, and neither when she walked to the shed, apparently, someone carrying food there wasn’t an unusual sight, and it made her wonder if the woman actually was ever allowed to step outside, or if she was chained up in there day in, day out.

This only made her realize again that it couldn’t be right to treat someone like this, no matter if they were crazy or not; and even though she still just had a very vague idea, she knew that she had to do _something_ , ideally without getting caught, figuring that the woman did a lot of building and repairs for King and his men, and that he wouldn’t want to lose her.

She slowly pushed the door to the shed open, appalled at how hot it had gotten in there during the day, but not really surprised at the temperature, what with the walls made mostly of metal and the fact that the shed stood in the bright sunlight for most of the day; apparently though, the heat didn’t stop the woman, as she stood at the workbench and was working on the bumper which Erin had helped bring to the shed earlier that day, not reacting to her the slightest.

“Hello?” Erin said, not quite sure how else to gain her attention; it seemed to work, the woman stopping her work on the bumper and turning to look at her, clutching the hammer she had been using on the bumper, looking at everything but at Erin again, the redhead smiling anyway, eager to show that she wasn’t a threat.

“I’m Erin”, she said, not stepping closer, figuring it wouldn’t be smart to do so yet, “I got some food for you. What’s your name?”

For a few moments, it seemed as if the woman hadn’t even heard her, her gaze briefly focusing on the bowl of food before it moved on again; then, she mumbled something, barely audible, Erin having to strain her ears to understand, frowning as she realized that the younger woman had said “engineer”.

“That is your job, no?” she said, daring to take a slow step closer, glad when there was no negative reaction to this small movement, “but what is your name?”

The woman’s free hand came up to tug at her ear, and she shrugged, suddenly looking so uncomfortable that it made Erin feel bad about pressuring her; she quickly gave her a hopefully reassuring smile, then held the bowl of food out to the smaller woman, taking note of how scrawny she was while the engineer accepted the food and started wolfing it down with surprising speed, making Erin wonder if they actually fed her every day or if they just forgot or didn’t care enough every now and then.

While the engineer ate, Erin slowly moved past her, following the chain from the collar; she had to duck beneath the workbench to find the other end, having to crawl almost all the way to the wall until she found the ring which had been fixed to the ground, the lock which fastened the chain to it looking much sturdier than Erin would have liked.

The floor didn’t look as sturdy as the lock though, and she wondered if this might solve her problem… and just then, the door opened, and heavy footsteps came up, and Erin froze, hoping that whoever this was couldn’t see her from where they stood, but thankfully, she was close to the wall, and the area beneath the workbench was quite dark.

“You’re not done with the work and you eat?!” she heard a booming voice come up next, quickly recognizing it as King’s, “you were told this bumper has to get done today!”

A dull _thud_ followed his last words, and the bowl fell to the ground – followed by Erin seeing the engineer stumble back a few steps before she went down on her knees, both hands pressed to her belly, Erin quickly figuring out what just had happened, her blood running cold at the casualty with which the man had hit the other woman.

“Get it done”, King snarled, making the engineer yelp with a kick to her thigh, “or no food for a week. You know the drill.”

He kicked the bowl aside, splattering the bit which was left all over the floor, then stomped back outside; beneath the workbench, Erin belatedly realized that she had been holding her breath, her heart hammering in her chest as she realized how close she had been to getting caught, not wanting to imagine what the man might have done to her, had he found her there.

Then, she heard the engineer sniffle quietly from where she was kneeling on the ground, and her resolve to get the younger woman out of this only grew, no matter how dangerous this escape attempt might end up being.


	4. The Great Escape - Run with the Hunted

_Run with the hunted_  
_There’s no going back_  
 _Run with the hunted_  
 _I’m past the point of regret_

“Hey”, Erin said in a low voice, not wanting anyone outside to hear her, as she crawled back out from underneath the workbench and moved to the woman’s side, “um… engineer? I’m going to get you out of here, alright?”

The woman’s head snapped up so fast that the chain clinked audibly, and she stared at Erin wide-eyed, apparently for the first time fully having heard something the other woman had said; she looked so frightened that it made Erin’s heart clench up, one of her hands moving to where she had been kicked, rubbing the sore spot in an attempt to soothe the pain.

“No, no, no”, she muttered, her gaze dropping from the other woman’s face to the floor, her other hand coming up to touch the collar, “can’t go. Have to build for him, work for him, can’t go… Gonna hurt if he catches me…”

“He won’t”, Erin reassured her, relieved when the engineer looked at her again, “I have an idea how to get us out of here, I don’t want to be here any longer, either. Once it’s properly dark, I’ll get us both out of here.”

“A test”, the other woman mumbled in response, gaze dropping to the floor once more, “have to work, to build, not go… testing me, if I go he’ll know and he’ll be angry…”

“No, no”, Erin hurriedly gave back, despairing a bit as she had no idea how to make the engineer believe her, “this isn’t a test, I just want to help you, get us both out of here. I’ll come back during the night, alright?”

The woman just stared at her, clearly afraid to agree; hoping that the engineer wouldn’t end up tattling and give her plans away, not wanting to find out what a man like King might do to her, should he learn that she was planning to run away with his engineer.

She wondered if the camp’s leader had someone else to build things for him, or if he’d be somewhat handicapped once the young woman would be gone; the thought of him coming after them made her stomach clench in fear, but still just giving up her plans wasn’t an option, and so, she smiled a hopefully reassuring smile at the engineer before she told her she’d be back later, glad that nobody paid any attention to her when she stepped out of the hut.

Apparently, no one cared where she’d sleep, either, and so, she curled up in a quiet corner, not far from the shed, where she could keep an eye on the small building’s entrance; she pretended to be fast asleep as she watched the shed through barely opened eyes, the fact that nobody bothered her allowing her to hope that this would work out just fine, despite how rough and vague her idea was, and that she wouldn’t make things worse for the engineer and for herself.

* * *

Once the camp was as quiet as Erin figured it would get, she rose as quietly as she could, then walked to the shed, glancing around to make sure no one was watching her, hearing the sounds of metal on metal already before she pushed the door open, a clear sign that the engineer was still working, despite how late in the night it was.

When Erin entered though, the sounds stopped, and the younger woman turned at the workbench to look at her; she seemed surprised to see her, and that she was alone, clearly having been convinced that Erin’s offer had been some sort of test, and that she wouldn’t come back.

“Alright”, Erin whispered, closing the door behind herself to give them some privacy, “I’m leaving tonight, and I want you to come with me. This is not a test or some trick, alright? Do you want to come with me?"

For a few seconds, the only reaction she got was that the woman was staring at her, one of her hands coming up to tug at her ear again; then, she gave a small, barely perceptible nod – before she cringed back, her good eye focusing on the door now, as if she expected someone to storm in and start beating her.

“Okay, good”, Erin said once the engineer had relaxed a bit again and her gaze was moving back to her, “I don’t know how to get that collar off of you without hurting you, so for now, I’ll get the chain out of the ground, okay?”

This time, she didn’t even get a nod in response, the woman starting to mutter under her breath again; she didn’t try to stop Erin though when she picked up a hammer, then found a piece of metal which looked vaguely like a chisel, the younger woman’s mumbling growing a bit louder when she crawled beneath the workbench with her tools.

Eager to not make too much noise, Erin started chipping away the concrete around the ring, a small gasp coming from the woman as she realized what the redhead was doing; as she worked, Erin had a few moments to fear that the engineer would cry out now, would try to stop her and gain the attention of someone outside… and then, she flinched as a loud banging noise came from right above her, her heart leaping up into her throat.

Hurriedly, she looked towards the door, suddenly just sure that someone had heard, despite how hard she had tried to be quiet; as it turned out though, the engineer had moved to the workbench and was doing something to one of her projects there, possibly with more noise than strictly necessary, successfully drowning out the sounds Erin was causing with her work on the ring.

_That’s good,_ Erin thought to herself as she went back to work, removing the concrete as fast as she dared, _she might not be fully here, but she’s not completely gone, either. And maybe she’ll get better once I got her out of here…_

Her ears started to ring from the noise the engineer was making, but she figured that this was preferable to being caught; and so, she ignored the ruckus the best she could, glad that no one seemed to think anything of it, the lack of reaction from the people who certainly had to hear this making her wonder if this was a regular thing, if the younger woman often worked through the night like this.

_Possibly,_ she pondered as she kept chipping the concrete away, glad that the work went somewhat quickly and without much troubles, _after how he threatened she wouldn’t get any food if she doesn’t get done. Probably not the first time he did this to her, either._

These thoughts only made her work faster, and soon, the ring was moving noticeably; quickly, Erin put her tools aside, then grabbed the chain and pulled, with all the strength she could bring up, nearly falling backwards when the ring came out of the concrete much faster than anticipated.

“There”, she said as she crawled out from beneath the workbench, holding the chain in one hand, the engineer staring at it in awe, making Erin wonder if the other woman never had thought of doing this, “you’ll have to carry this chain for now, but I promise we’ll get rid of that sooner or later, too.”

She held the chain out to the engineer, glad when the other woman took it at once; then, Erin tucked the hammer into the waistband of her pants, figuring it might come in handy, and led the way to the shed’s exit afterwards, feeling relieved once more when the woman followed her immediately, without hesitating this time.

Glancing left and right, Erin made sure that no one was in the shed’s general vicinity, even though she knew that it would be highly unlikely for them to get out without anyone seeing them; and so, she stopped in one of the darker corners, keeping her voice down to a low whisper as she addressed her newfound companion.

“We need to get one of the cars”, she told the younger woman, her impression that the engineer might not be fully there, but at least enough to understand her only strengthened when she nodded enthusiastically in reply, “can you start one of them without the key?”

Again the engineer nodded, making Erin smile at her; and before she had to ask the younger woman to lead the way, the engineer already got moving, hurrying along with her head ducked down, Erin moving quickly to keep up with her.

It went well, for a while, long enough that Erin allowed herself to hope… and then someone cried out “It’s the engineer and the newbie!”, alerting everyone around to their presence, the engineer taking off in a run, Erin following suit, hoping that the younger woman would know where they had to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to J_Nerd who helped me with the "how to get the ring out" problem in this chapter XD


	5. Full Speed Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had happy holidays, or happy regular days, whichever you prefer :D

_There's nothing left to say_  
_Better run for cover or be left in our trail_  
_Eye for an eye for a final goodbye_  
_Full speed ahead_

 

“Stop right now!” Erin heard King thunder somewhere behind them as they ran, and for a dreadful moment, the engineer actually slowed down, the need to obey this voice clearly deeply ingrained into her mind; then, Erin cried out at her to keep going, and she did, holding the chain up with one hand so it wouldn’t tangle up between her feet and make her fall.

“Stop her!” King bellowed when he realized the engineer wouldn’t listen to him, “and the newbie, too! I’ll flog the skin off your back for this!”

From the corner of her eye, Erin saw hands reach for her, and pulled the hammer from the waistband of her pants, swinging at the person without bothering to look or to aim; she felt a somehow fleshy _thud_ as the hammer connected, and her stomach turned, the feeling only increasing when a man screamed in pain, but the hands vanished, and they could keep running.

The parked cars appeared up ahead, to her relief, her breath coming in heavy gasps at this point; clearly, whatever she had been doing before she had lost her memories, it hadn’t been something which had involved a lot of running, and she was a bit surprised at how much easier the engineer seemed to handle the running, considering how scrawny she was and the fact that she had been chained up in a small shed for God knew how long.

The younger woman already seemed to know which car to take, ignoring the two which were closest and hopping into the third through the passenger side, then slid to the driver’s seat; belatedly, Erin figured that this made sense, since the car the engineer had chosen had no doors, and kept her from wasting valuable time with opening them.

Quickly, Erin climbed in beside her, swinging the hammer again when another man tried to make a grab for her; he shrunk back, and she could hear King howl in anger when the engineer started the engine and slammed her foot down onto the gas pedal.

“Stop the fucking car you fucking bitch!” the leader hollered, but this time, the engineer didn’t hesitate even for a second; instead, she gripped the steering wheel tightly as the car raced towards the gate, the men who were standing guard on top of the wall yelling at her to stop as well, then even fired their guns, either missing though or the gun pinging off the car’s frame, impressing Erin with how resistant the rickety looking vehicle was.

And then, a lot of things happened at once, the car hitting the gate with almost full speed and breaking through it; at the same moment, the engineer got jerked back into the seat, a strangely chocked sound coming from her, Erin belatedly realizing what had happened when she heard a yelp from the driver side of the car.

The chain had been dangling down to the ground, and one of the men had managed to grab it; somehow, the engineer had been capable of holding on to the steering wheel tightly enough to not get yanked out of the car, but the collar was pulled back now as the man was dragged along, cutting off her flow of air, her face reddening as she tried to suck a breath into her lungs.

Quickly, Erin bent over her, briefly obscuring her view, but she figured it wouldn’t matter, what with the camp being surrounded by the desert; despite the increasingly desperate sounds from the younger woman, she forced herself to take a moment to aim, then threw the hammer, a bit dismayed about losing her only weapon, but unable to come up with another solution.

She missed, to her annoyance, but the surprise of a hammer-shaped object suddenly flying at him was enough to make the man let go, and the engineer sucked in a deep breath, still holding on to the steering wheel, making Erin marvel at her resolve; quickly, she grabbed the chain and pulled it into the car, just in case, then slumped back into the passenger seat as the engineer drove, the camp quickly vanishing behind them as the car sped into the nightly desert.

* * *

If King had sent men after them to stop them, they had been too far ahead by the time this had happened; by the time the engineer finally stopped driving, the desert around them was quiet and dark, no headlights in the distance or engine sounds signalling that someone was hunting for them.

“Wow”, Erin broke the silence once she had managed to catch her breath, coughing at the sand scratching in her throat, one of the disadvantages of driving a car without doors and a windshield, “you drive quite well, but I’m glad you stopped.”

The engineer glanced at her, then shrugged as she focused on the steering wheel again, staring at it as she only now fully realized what she had done; she started to tremble, and Erin quickly realized what was happening, hurriedly moving closer to the other woman and placing one hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles when this touch brought no negative reaction.

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s okay”, she said, her alarm growing when the other woman’s breath quickened in response, as if she hadn’t heard her at all, “come on, look at me, please? You did the right thing coming with me, it was smart and brave, he had no right to treat you like this. Alright?”

To her relief, it seemed to work, the engineer turning her head to look at her; holding her gaze, Erin smiled at her, still rubbing her back, telling her again that she had done the right thing, that it had been brave and good – and all at once, the other woman surprised her by flinging both arms around her and hugging her tight, Erin getting over her surprise quickly though and hugging her back.

“It’s okay”, she said again, rubbing her back some more, just in case, “it’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

For a bit longer, the engineer kept holding on to her, a shudder running through her every now and then as she clung to the redhead; then, she pulled back, and Erin was a bit surprised to see that the eye not covered by the patch was dry, halfway having expected her to be crying.

The engineer kept looking at her, with an intensity which made Erin a bit uncomfortable, and made her think back to what the woman at the scrap heap had said, about how the engineer allegedly was crazy; a minute ticked by with the younger woman just looking at her with this odd fierceness – before she suddenly reached out and poked her in the chest, her voice surprisingly firm when she said “Erin”, after the mumbling and murmuring the redhead had heard from her before.

“Yes”, she confirmed, not sure if this was the right answer, but also not knowing what else she could say; the engineer looked at her for another second, then pointed at herself, her face working as she struggled to say something, Erin not interrupting her though, holding her breath as she realized that something important was about to happen.

“Hol”, the engineer brought out, then frowned to herself, and tried again, “Holtz. Mann. Holtzmann.”

“Holtzmann”, Erin repeated, earning an enthusiastic nod and a surprisingly bright smile from the other woman, “that is your name? Holtzmann?”

Another happy nod was the response to that, and even though it was a bit of odd name, Erin figured it wasn’t that unusual, with people walking around named Stump and King; and she knew what a big step it was that the engineer had told her this, after how she had acted the first time Erin had asked for her name.

“Alright, Holtzmann”, she thus said, her heart somewhat oddly skipping a beat when the engineer gave her another bright smile at hearing her name from the older woman, “should we stay here for now, or keep moving? Do you know a place we can go?”

“Place”, Holtzmann gave back, returning to her mumbling way of speaking, Erin leaning closer to not miss anything, “know a place. Good place. Safe place… go back there…”

“We can go back there”, Erin reassured her, even though she wasn’t quite sure this place really was so good and safe, seeing that Holtzmann had ended up as the captive of a man like King, “do you know how to get there?”

To her dismay, the engineer didn’t nod or agree some other way, but shrugged, her hand coming up to tug at her ear again, her gaze dropping to the steering wheel as she clearly found it hard to look at Erin all at once.

“It’s okay”, Erin quickly reassured her, not wanting her to feel bad, “we’ll figure it out. Let’s just keep moving for now, until sunrise? Perhaps we should find shelter before the sun comes up.”

Holtzmann gave a quick nod to this, then started the engine again and started to drive, at a much more reasonable speed this time; Erin leaned back into the seat and looked out at the desert all around them, already thinking of water and the gasoline tank of the car and of how far they would get before things might become difficult once again.


	6. Underground

_Sun turns as black as the day_  
_Night turns a cold steel gray_  
 _I want to stay_  
 _Where the sun cannot be found_

They drove on until the sky began changing from pitch black to a lighter tone, then Erin suggested that they should look for shelter now; Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise, and they both were on the lookout for a place to stay, until Erin spotted a single building in the distance, pointing it out to the engineer.

“Think this place is safe?” she asked, earning a shrug in response; Holtzmann slowed down a bit as they got closer to the building, but even when the car’s headlights illuminated it, neither woman could spot any movement, giving Erin reason to hope that they had found a safe place for the day.

Holtzmann stopped the car close to the building, then killed the engine; she hopped out and made her way to the back of the vehicle, Erin watching her curiously, raising an eyebrow when the engineer rummaged around for a while, then brought out a long metal pipe, holding it out to the other woman.

“You think we will need this?” she asked, making the younger woman nod; figuring that Holtzmann knew better than she did, what with the unsettling holes in her memory, Erin accepted the pipe, weighing it and giving a few test swings while Holtzmann rummaged through the piles of random stuff in the trunk again, until she found another, shorter pipe for herself.

Hoping that there would be no need for the weapons, Erin led the way; the building turned out to be no more than a little shed, quite similar to the one Holtzmann had been held captive in, and clearly, the engineer took note of this similarity as well, starting to mumble under her breath again, her grip on the pipe tightening visibly.

“It’s okay”, Erin hurried to calm her down, feeling bad for her, not wanting to imagine how horrible her life had been for God knew how long; she found herself wondering how long exactly the younger woman had been King’s prisoner, but figured that now was not a good time to ask, reaching out instead to rub her back again, glad when her tender touch seemed to help calm Holtzmann down.

“Okay?” she asked after just rubbing the younger woman’s back for a while, until the mumbling had stopped again; Holtzmann gave a nod, a bit hesitant, still gripping the pipe tightly, and Erin hoped that it really was okay when she got moving again, pushing the door open with some difficulty, the piece of metal which was used as a door not quite fitting into the roughly made frame.

“Sloppy”, Holtzmann mumbled, while Erin stepped into the tiny building, “no good work. Could fix it if had tools, but makes no sense, not gonna stay here, safe place, good place…”

“We’ll go to the safe place”, Erin reassured her, looking around the small building’s interior, not finding anything of interest at first glance; when she took another step though, the ground beneath her foot felt different all at once, not the loose sand she had been standing on right after entering the building, but much harder and more resistant.

“Wait”, she said out loud, Holtzmann falling silent again and looking at her, “there’s something here…”

She knelt down and brushed the sand aside with both hands, the engineer moving to help her after a moment; quickly, a sort of trapdoor was revealed beneath the sand, as crudely built as the door, Erin and Holtzmann both having to pull to get it open.

“Wow, dark”, Erin commented once the trapdoor was open at last, a wooden ladder leading down into the darkness beneath it, “should we dare going down there? We might find something useful, and it might be cooler down there during the day.”

Holtzmann nodded, then suddenly turned and hurried out of the building; curious, Erin walked to the door and watched her, the engineer moving to the car’s passenger side this time and bending down, Erin feeling quite amazed when she straightened up again and was holding what looked like a crudely made lantern.

“These cars are quite well equipped”, she commented as Holtzmann moved back to her, “but I guess that makes sense, if they were used for raids… does it work?”

“Made it”, Holtzmann told her, a bit louder than her usual mumble, Erin giving her an impressed look, “made many. For him. Two for each car, in case one breaks, but they never did, I build well…”

She trailed off and briefly touched the collar, then seemed to shake the bad memories off; a quick movement at the bottom of the lantern brought it to life, Erin feeling impressed once more at the bright light the lantern emitted.

As Holtzmann climbed down first, Erin made a mental note to get the collar off of her as fast as possible, figuring it couldn’t be good for her mental state to have that reminder of her captivity around her neck the whole time; she wasn’t quite sure how they’d get it off without injuring her, but she told herself that they had to figure something out, having seen how the chain which still was attached to the collar could be used against the engineer.

Realizing that Holtzmann had reached the bottom of the ladder, Erin snapped out of her thoughts and hurriedly climbed down the ladder as well, noticing how the air got noticeably cooler as she reached the bottom; the tunnel she found herself in had clearly been dug and hadn’t formed naturally, and she wondered who had made it, and if these people were still around somewhere.

“We better be careful”, she whispered, Holtzmann nodding at once, “just in case whoever made this is still around and not friendly. Shall I take the lantern or do you want to lead the way?”

“Me”, Holtzmann told her, her next words touching Erin more than she would have expected, “you save me. Now I protect you.”

All Erin could do was give her a smile, her throat suddenly too tight to let her speak; Holtzmann smiled back at her, then turned and started walking down the tunnel, Erin right behind her, glancing down every now and then to make sure she wouldn’t step on the chain or get it entangled between her feet.

She strained her ears as they walked, for any sounds which would signal that other people were down here; the sand on the trapdoor had been a sign that no one had opened it for quite a while, but she knew that this could have been some sort of ruse, put there purposefully to give the impression that no one was using this tunnel and whatever it might lead to.

She could hear water drip somewhere, and that made her realize how thirsty she was; hoping that they would find enough water for them to quench their thirst, she kept following Holtzmann, the engineer walking slowly, but steadily for another minute – before she suddenly stopped and sniffed audibly, then grimaced, Erin getting a whiff of what had caused this reaction too a second later, before she had the chance to ask.

“Oh gosh”, she let out, bringing up her free hand to cover her nose and mouth, “what is that stink? That smells awful!”

“Dead people”, Holtzmann gave back, with surprising nonchalance, “been dead for a while.”

She got moving again, and Erin followed her, pulling her shirt up over her mouth and nose, even though that didn’t help much against the dreadful smell; and not much later, they found the source of the odour, three dead men, lying close to where the tunnel widened into a sort of underground room.

It wasn’t difficult to tell how they had died, with how their heads had been bashed in and the other, various wounds all over their bodies; Erin shuddered at the sight while Holtzmann just stepped over them, the redhead forcing herself to do the same, despite the irrational fear she felt that one of them would reach up and grab her.

At least, she realized quickly as she followed Holtzmann into the cave-like expanse of the tunnel, moving past these dead men would pay off at least a bit – already at first glance, she could see a bunch of food cans, the sound of dripping water was much louder in this room, and after another, closer look, she could spot what appeared to be a collection of tools and weapons, Holtzmann’s good eye lighting up at the sight.

“Tools!” she said, so excited that Erin forgot about the dead men for a moment, “Erin! Tools!”

“Yes”, the redhead confirmed, smiling a bit, “and food, and there should be water around here somewhere, too. I think we can stay here for the day, but maybe not right in this area, the smell is really bad.”

Holtzmann shrugged, clearly not minding as much, then nodded; and so, they quickly gathered up cans of food and the engineer chose some of the tools, picking out the ones which were not more rust than metal with surprising speed and a keen eye, the two women carrying their loot back to the ladder, the smell not being noticeable there, to Erin’s relief.

Once this first load had been moved, they walked back, to find the water source; and even though Erin was uneasy at the thought of spending the day so close to a bunch of corpses, she figured it’d be better than sweating outside in the sun, telling herself that she could handle this and that it was just for one day, almost feeling good about this hideout by the time the water had been found and they both had a chance to drink their fill.


	7. Of Fury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fighting in this chapter, nothing too graphic I think, but just in case, here's a little heads-up :)

_And I feel the fury_  
_Burning deep in my chest_  
 _There's no escape, there's no restoration_  
 _There's no room for doubt, there's no turning back_

When Erin woke up, she had no idea what time it was, and felt a bit disoriented at first, the unsettling darkness in her mind not exactly helping; then, she felt a warm body curled up against her own, and heard soft snoring, a few memories coming back to her, of King and his camp, of Holtzmann, and of how she and the engineer had escaped said camp, and of how they had found shelter in this underground bunker.

She wondered how long she had been asleep as she sat up and rubbed her eyes; after they had drank until they practically had been sloshing, they both had eaten from the cans they had found, and then had fallen asleep, the previous night’s excitement taking its toll on them.

Her movements were enough to wake Holtzmann, as well, the engineer letting out an oddly adorable grunting noise before she opened her one good eye; this made Erin wonder what had happened to the other one, then she shrugged those thoughts off, telling herself that they had other things to worry about now.

“Good morning”, she said, smiling, earning a bright smile from Holtzmann in return; then, the engineer came to her feet, and gathered up the tools they had found the previous evening, clearly eager to get moving again, not that Erin could blame her, figuring that she wanted to get farther away from King’s camp, worried that the man already had sent men after them to capture the engineer again.

“We better keep moving”, she said out loud, making the other woman nod, “maybe see if we can find something we can fill up with water, and then get on the road again. Or onto the sand, since there aren’t really any roads…”

Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise, and they made their way back up the ladder, Holtzmann carrying the tools and Erin having stuffed her shirt with cans of food, climbing carefully so she wouldn’t end up dropping any of them.

Quickly, the tools and the cans were stowed safely in the back of the car, and in the same storage area, Holtzmann found an empty canister, Erin doubting that it was perfectly clean, but figuring that it would do, and that dirty water would be better than no water at all.

_And we can cook it before we drink it, to sterilize it_ , she then realized, briefly wondering how she knew this, with how dark so much of her mind was; apparently though, at least a bit of whatever knowledge she had had before whatever had been the reason for her amnesia had happened was coming back, giving her reason to hope that soon, she would remember everything.

Not wanting to let Holtzmann venture down into the tunnel alone, Erin went back down with her, and they filled the canister at the water source they had found; and now that they had food and water, she felt much better about this whole adventure, almost relaxed as they put the canister into the back of the car and made sure it wouldn’t fall over even during rough patches of driving.

And just then, as if to mock Erin for feeling better about all of this, clouds of sand appeared on the horizon, signalling a car approaching, or perhaps even more than one; Holtzmann froze next to her, then grabbed the pipe she had used as a weapon, apparently having no plans to get into the car and drive off, Erin figuring that this made sense – if she could see the vehicle approach, they would be able to see them, too, and if they had been sent by King, it would be all too easy to follow them.

“I’m not sure I’ll be any good in a fight”, Erin mumbled as Holtzmann pushed the other pipe in her hands; the engineer shrugged, her free hand coming up to touch the collar, an audible tremble in her voice when she replied.

“Me neither”, the younger woman let her know, not exactly making her feel better, “but there’s no choice, he must have sent them after us, they’ll chase us, won’t give up…”

“I know”, Erin gave back, her grip on the pipe tightening, “and I’ll try my best, I promise, but…”

She wondered if she had known how to fight before she had lost her memories – it seemed strange to have no knowledge about fighting in a world as rough and harsh as this one, after all – and if things she possibly had known might come back now, when she needed them; and then, the car came close enough to be seen, and for the driver to see them, too, the vehicle speeding up immediately, confirming that they had been sent for them.

And not just one car, Erin realized with quite a bit of dismay, as a second vehicle appeared right behind the first one; she knew though that Holtzmann was right, that getting into the car and driving away wasn’t an option, her heart hammering up to her throat when the cars reached them and stopped a few feet away, two men climbing from each of the vehicles.

_Making sure we’ll be outnumbered,_ Erin realized, swallowing heavily; one of the men, a sort of leader apparently, smirked at her, then nodded at Holtzmann, the engineer gripping her pipe tightly in response, and even though they hadn’t known each other for all too long, Erin suddenly just knew that it took all Holtzmann had to keep her from taking a step back.

“We have no interest in you, redhead”, the man said, not really surprising Erin, since she hadn’t shown any valuable skills during her short stay at King’s camp, “King just wants his engineer back. You’re free to go, King has no interest in you, and his willingness to let you go without punishing you for what you did is his peace offering.”

From the corner of her eye, Erin noticed Holtzmann glancing at her, but didn’t dare to take her eyes off of the men; she made herself smile, even though she still was scared, and somehow managed to keep her voice from trembling when she gave her short, but impossible to misunderstand response.

“Fuck you”, she said in a pleasant tone, the man’s mouth falling open in response, a reaction so comical it almost made her snicker; then, his face darkened, and he clenched his fists, all friendliness gone as he spoke to his companions.

“Get the engineer”, he ordered, the men grinning in anticipation, clearly not expecting much of a fight, “and kill the redhead. He has no use for her.”

“No”, Holtzmann mumbled next to her, taking a step forward now, as if to meet the now advancing group, “I’m not going back there. I’m not.”

“King’s not leaving you a choice, woman”, the leader replied, weighing the roughly made wooden club he was carrying, the nails which were studding the blunt end only making it more dangerous, “the only question is what state you will be in when we bring you back.”

“He said only not to kill you”, another one added helpfully, smiling as he raised his own weapon slightly, “but nothing about knocking your teeth down your throat.”

“Don’t mess her up too much though”, the leader admonished, Erin swallowing heavily as she asked herself how they should get out of this in one piece, the two of them against four men who certainly were experienced fighters, “you know he wants to take care of that himself, too.”

“I’m not going back”, Holtzmann pressed out between grit teeth, and something in her tone prompted Erin to give her a startled look, the barely suppressed rage something she never would have expected to her in the engineer’s voice; and clearly, the men had heard it too, their smiles fading as they took a closer look at the young woman.

And then, Holtzmann ran at them, letting out a shout as she raised the pipe; the one closest to her, the leader, just had a second to have his eyes go wide, then she hit him, square in the face, blood spurting and then spreading on the sand as he hit the ground.

“It’s the killing frenzy!” one of the others yelled, and the fear in his voice was something Erin had expected even less than the rage in Holtzmann’s tone; another of the men swung his club at the engineer, an audible _clang_ reverberating through the air as she blocked the hit with her pipe.

Holtzmann reacted so quickly to the hit that Erin could barely follow her moves, and the man she was up against had even less of a chance; he was still gaping at how effortlessly Holtzmann had blocked his hit when her leg shot out and she kicked him, straight in the crotch, and he fell to his knees, his eyes nearly popping out of his head while he clutched at the injured area, not even able to scream.

And after that, it didn’t take long anymore; even though she was small and somewhat scrawny, Holtzmann took the men down with frightening efficiency, with strength Erin certainly hadn’t expected from her, and before she had a chance to help the engineer, the four men laid motionless in the sand, either knocked out or dead.

As she was the last one left standing, Holtzmann just stood there for a while, breathing heavily; and then, the bloodstained pipe fell from her fingers, she slumped down to her knees, and that was what finally snapped Erin out of her stupor, the redhead running to the other woman’s side, the men and her fear of them immediately forgotten.


	8. Aftermath

_The storm has calmed_  
_The fury’s gone_  
 _Now hold me tight_  
 _In this aftermath of the fight_

Perhaps, Erin thought to herself as she used water from the canteens of the downed men to clean the blood from Holtzmann’s knuckles where the skin had split open, this was a waste of good water; every now and then as she worked, she glanced up at Holtzmann’s face, but the engineer didn’t seem to notice, staring into nothingness, not reacting the slightest to what Erin was doing, even though the redhead was fairly sure that this had to hurt.

“Holtzmann?” she tried to address her again, for the fourth or fifth time since the fight had ended so much quicker than expected; and just like during the previous times, the engineer didn’t react the slightest, but just kept staring at the sand all around them, without truly seeing anything.

Erin wondered if this was a thing which happened each time after such explosions of fury, and if said explosions were a regular thing or if it had been the first time this had happened to Holtzmann; she thought back to what the woman at the scrap heap had said, about the engineer being crazy, and found herself wondering if perhaps, that woman had been right after all.

She couldn’t remember if she ever had seen someone else fight like this, with such viciousness and disregard for their own safety; somehow, she still was quite sure though that what she just had witnessed wasn’t a normal thing, not even in this strange and harsh world.

“Holtzmann”, she said again, even though she doubted it would lead anywhere, “we have to keep moving, alright? If these guys don’t come back, he might send more, and if we don’t get far away enough until then…”

This finally got a reaction, Holtzmann’s gaze slowly moving up until it met Erin’s; eager to make her feel better, Erin smiled at her, then dared to reach out and place one hand on her shoulder, glad when there was no negative reaction to the touch.

“I did bad”, Holtzmann mumbled, voice so soft that Erin had to strain to hear her, her gaze dropping down to the sand again, “I’m sorry, I… not good to do that, not good to lose control, I did bad…”

She looked at her bloody knuckles, and fell silent, her chin quivering; and immediately, Erin’s heart flew out to her, all thoughts about possible craziness forgotten as she shook her head, hurriedly speaking up, eager to make the engineer feel better.

“No, no”, she said, glad when Holtzmann looked at her again, the dull shame she could see in the younger woman’s gaze making her heart clench up, “you did good, that was a good thing you did, okay? They would have taken you back there if you hadn’t done that. And… you heard what they wanted to do to me.”

It took a few moments, but finally, Holtzmann nodded, making Erin smile at her again – before the redhead flinched as suddenly, the engineer shot to her feet and hurried to one of the cars the men had used, moving so unexpectedly and fast that Erin needed a few seconds to get over her surprise, come to her feet and follow her.

By the time she made her way to Holtzmann’s side, the engineer’s upper body had vanished into the back of the vehicle, her legs sticking out almost comically, the whole image only getting funnier when her feet started to move up and down as she searched for whatever useful things might be hidden in the depths of the large trunk.

“Need stuff”, she heard the younger woman mutter, leaving her unsure if Holtzmann was speaking to her or talking to herself, “fuel water food tools…”

Figuring that this was a good list, Erin moved to the other car, and started searching through it as well; to her joy, she found a canister of what a quick sniff showed to be gasoline, another look bringing forth a crowbar and a hammer, items she figured they could make good use of.

Once she had stowed the loot in the trunk of their own car, she went to check the lifeless men, not a task she was particular eager to do, but she figured it had to be done; and it paid off, as she found canteens filled to the brim with water, and even some dried meat in the pockets of one of the men, Holtzmann watching her nervously how she searched them, looking relieved when they all remained motionless though.

“Here”, Erin said, smiling at her as she handed half of the jerky to her, “I’m not sure I want to know what kind of meat this is, so if you do know and it’s something gross, don’t tell me.”

To her relief, the joke worked as well as she had hoped it would, Holtzmann giving her a small smile as she accepted the meat; still, the engineer looked uneasy when she looked at the motionless bodies of the men, but at least, Erin thought to herself, she didn’t slip back into the strange catatonic state she had been in right after the fight.

“We should get moving”, she suggested again, her relief only growing when Holtzmann nodded in response; and so, after another hopefully calming smile at the engineer, the two women got into their stolen car again, and Holtzmann started the engine, looking at the lifeless bodies one final time before she finally stepped on the gas pedal and drove away, quickly leaving the men and their cars behind.

* * *

They had been driving in silence for so long that Erin almost had been lulled to sleep, by the not all too exciting landscape around them and the constant sound of the engine; and so, when Holtzmann spoke up unexpectedly, Erin flinched, not because of what the younger woman was saying, but simply because she had broken the silence without warning.

“I killed them”, she said, in an oddly matter-of-fact tone, making Erin look at her, the engineer staring straight ahead though, either not noticing or deciding not to react, “all four of them, I think.”

Erin wasn’t quite sure what to reply to this – she silently agreed with this assessment, having taken note of how lifeless the bodies had been when she had searched them for useful things, but she remembered the state Holtzmann had been in after the fight all too well, and didn’t want her to slip back into this despair.

“I don’t know if you did”, she thus said, figuring that this was better than admitting the truth, “I didn’t check when I searched them.”

Holtzmann let out a small sigh in reply, clearly not believing her; she kept her gaze focused on the road, but one of her hands moved from the steering wheel to the collar still around her neck, reminding Erin of the need to remove it, the engineer’s voice returning to the low mumbling when she replied.

“Pretty sure I did”, she said, still not looking at Erin, making her wonder if the younger woman was afraid of her reaction, afraid of what she might see in the redhead’s face if she’d look at her, “I… that doesn’t happen often you know, that I lose control like that, but when it does it always ends badly, with people dead and…”

“Holtzmann”, Erin interrupted her, alarmed as she realized that the younger woman was close to hyperventilating, “it’s okay, alright, even if you did kill them, there was no choice. You had to fight, or they would have taken you back there, you know that…”

She had said this before, she knew, but to her relief, it apparently again was the right thing to say; for the first time since they had gotten into the car, Holtzmann glanced at her, just for a second, but it was better than nothing, Erin making sure to smile at her, eager to make her feel better.

“So you’re”, Holtzmann started, then fell silent, the car slowing down and coming to a halt as she took her foot off the gas pedal, either on purpose or without even fully noticing, Erin wasn’t quite sure, the engineer’s next words coming out in a mumbled rush, “you’re not afraid of me?”

“No”, Erin gave back at once, without hesitating, earning another insecure look; unlike when she had lied about the men possibly being dead though, Erin wasn’t keeping anything from Holtzmann this time, holding her gaze to silently reassure her that she meant it, “I’m not. You did what you had to do, and I know you would never do something like that to me.”

Perhaps, this was a bit far-fetched, seeing how shortly they effectively had known each other at this point; Erin felt that it was the truth though, thinking back to how Holtzmann had told her that she would protect her, and knowing that the engineer had meant it when she had made that promise.

For a few moments, Holtzmann kept holding her gaze, as if trying to reassure herself that Erin meant it and wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better; and then, she moved to hug the other woman again, as unexpected as when she had done so the first time, and just like when Holtzmann had embraced her the first time, Erin returned the hug at once, wrapping both arms around her and holding her tight, rubbing her back soothingly as she felt the younger woman tremble in her arms, hoping that she could give her the reassurance she so obviously needed.


	9. Memories

_Pieces of a dream come back to me_  
_A dream so wonderful a dream so frightening_  
 _Faces in my memories are passin' by_  
 _Don't know who don't know where there are_

Once Holtzmann had calmed down again, she continued driving, and they drove until the night was almost over; they didn’t find another underground hideout this time, but Erin spotted a cave in the distance, and they both figured that it would do to give them shelter for the day.

“If it goes down far enough, it might even be cool”, Erin said as Holtzmann manoeuvred the car into the cave, careful not to damage it and making sure it couldn’t be seen from anyone driving by outside, “and even if not, it’ll be better than being out in the sun all day.”

Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise in reply, deciding that the car was hidden well enough and killing the engine; she hopped out of the vehicle, prompting Erin to do the same, and they each grabbed one of the canteens and canned food, then moved farther into the cave, Erin making use of the lantern once it got too dark to walk on the uneven ground without any danger.

“I think this is far enough”, she said once they had walked for a while and the air was noticeably cooler; Holtzmann nodded and sat down at once, prompting Erin to lower herself to the ground next to her, the redhead grimacing as she ended up sitting on a rock, and shifting around a bit, until she had gotten more or less comfortable.

“We better not make a fire”, she said, earning another vaguely agreeing grunt from the engineer, “I don’t think that… he sent someone else already, but if he did…”

“Maybe”, Holtzmann gave back, reaching up to touch the collar again in an oddly absent-minded way, making Erin wonder if she was actually aware that she was doing it, “maybe not yet but he will again sooner or later… if the guys don’t come back… he’ll know. Can’t let them get me, especially not now, he’ll be really mad I killed them, the last time he was really mad at me he…”

She fell silent and swallowed heavily, a shudder running through her as she found herself unable to speak on; and so, instead of saying it out loud, the engineer reached up and briefly touched the patch covering one of her eyes, Erin unable to hold back a gasp when she realized what the younger woman was trying to tell her.

“He did this to you?” she brought out, horrified; Holtzmann just managed a little nod, still unable to speak, and Erin’s heart clenched up at the desolate look on her face, the older woman suddenly feeling like crying as she moved to hug the engineer, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat as she thought of the horrors Holtzmann had been forced to endure while she’d been the man’s captive.

She found herself wondering how long exactly Holtzmann had been there, but figured that now was not a good time to ask; and, she realized a bit belatedly, Holtzmann might not even know for sure, with the shed she’d been held captive in not having had any windows and the men bringing her food not quite as regularly as they probably should have.

“You won’t go back there”, she said instead of asking how long the engineer actually had been there, “we’ll get to that safe place, and he won’t get you again, alright?”

Holtzmann nodded against her shoulder, but kept holding on to her, and so, Erin didn’t pull back from the embrace either; she figured that the engineer hadn’t experienced much kindness during the time she had been a captive, and so, it wasn’t a surprise that she was somewhat starved for it now, the redhead gladly providing whatever comfort she could give, eager to make her companion feel better about the whole situation.

“We should get some rest after we ate”, she said after just holding the engineer in silence for a while, figuring that a change of topic couldn’t hurt, “so we’re ready to go on once the sun went down.”

Holtzmann nodded again, but still didn’t pull back; not wanting to push her away and make her feel worse again, Erin kept holding her, and rubbed her back, hoping she could give her the comfort and reassurance she needed.

* * *

Erin saw the ship again that day, in her dreams.

And it filled her with a strange sense of longing and need

And she wanted to go back but she knew she couldn’t because she had no idea where exactly it was and the desert was so big

And then a face appeared in her dream, a familiar face, one which filled her with as much longing and need as the sight of the ship and it looks as if the woman she saw in her dream wanted to say something, something important, but before she could, Erin heard a voice which she knew wasn’t the woman’s and

“Erin?”

and she didn’t want to wake up but

“Erin!”

she had no choice

“Erin!”

and so she opened her eyes.

Holtzmann was crouching next to her, and looking at her with such worry that Erin immediately forgot any dismay she might have felt at being woken up before the dream might have revealed some of her memories; as her gaze met the engineer’s, the younger woman looked a tiny bit relieved, but not much, making Erin wonder what she had been doing in her sleep to elicit this reaction.

“Are you okay?” Holtzmann now said, still looking worried, “you, um, you were… groaning. And moving around a lot. I thought you’re in pain.”

“I’m fine”, Erin reassured her, even managing a slight smile, “I just… had a strange dream. Have you ever travelled the desert?”

“Not much”, the engineer let her know, Erin at this point awake enough to notice a subtle, but certainly not unimportant difference – the younger woman was mumbling much less now, and while she looked tired, she also seemed more alert than she had been, making the redhead wonder what was happening, almost distracting her from their current conversation.

“Mostly close to where I lived… before”, the engineer continued, “until… King’s guys hit us one day. Why?”

“You seem different”, Erin told her instead of answering her question, sitting up as she gave her a curious look; looking a bit bashful, the engineer shrugged, her gaze for a moment flickering away nervously again, before it returned to the redhead, her voice still much firmer than it had been before when she replied.

“They put something in my food and water”, she let Erin know, making her think back to when she had witnessed exactly this happening, to the man putting some clear liquid into the engineer’s food, “it… I don’t know, it muddled my mind? Not so much I couldn’t get the work done, but enough to keep me from making any plans.”

“What a despicable human being”, Erin grumbled, shaking her head and earning a weak smile from the other woman, “and to think that woman at the scrap heap tried to convince me that you’re crazy and that you had to be locked up like that. Speaking of which, we still have to get rid of that collar.”

“Yeah”, Holtzmann gave back, grimacing slightly, while Erin still was taken aback by this sudden change in her behaviour, especially since said change had come so suddenly, “but we don’t have the right tools for that yet. Maybe once we made it to the camp…”

Erin figured that this camp was the safe place Holtzmann had been talking about earlier, and nodded; the engineer gave her another smile, then reached up to rub at her forehead, making it Erin’s turn to look worried, the younger woman shrugging when she took note of the way Erin was looking at her.

“Headache”, she then said, “guess it’s a withdrawal symptom. They… must have been adding that stuff to my food for quite a while.”

Feeling bad for her again, Erin reached out and placed one hand on her shoulder, earning another smile; she smiled back, then nodded as Erin suggested they both should get more sleep, the redhead belatedly realizing that she never had answered Holtzmann’s question as she laid down again, but figuring that she could do so in the next day.

She got as comfortable as it was possible on the hard stone floor, hearing Holtzmann do the same fairly close to her; and a short while later, she was fast asleep again, no dreams disturbing her rest this time.


	10. Onward to Freedom

_Caring is easy_  
_When it comes from the heart_  
 _Onward to freedom_  


During the next few days, Erin and Holtzmann kept travelling, starting when the sun had gone down and looking for shelter for the day at least an hour before it would rise again; and for most of that time, Erin did the driving, glad to see that her strange amnesia apparently hadn’t effected the muscle memory of driving a car.

She still would have preferred Holtzmann to drive, but the engineer’s withdrawal symptoms had gotten worse, both women dismayed when they were forced to realize that the headache had just been the start; while said headache had gotten a bit better, Holtzmann had found herself throwing up several times in the following night, and her hands had started to tremble uncontrollably, making driving too dangerous even in the desert, were not many obstacles were around.

And so, Erin drove, and gave her best to make Holtzmann feel better; she made sure that the younger woman drank enough and, when the shaking got too bad one day, fed her and then held her close as they went to sleep.

It surprised her a bit, she thought to herself during one of those moments, Holtzmann already slumbering deeply in her arms, still twitching in her sleep every now and then, how much she was caring for the younger woman already; it hurt her heart to see her go through this, but at least, Erin told herself, the effect the drug had had on her mind was lessening more with each day, the engineer having stopped mumbling to herself and appearing much more lucid and clearer than she had when Erin had seen her for the first time.

She hoped that, once they would make it to the place Holtzmann had called her home before she had been taken captive, there would be a place for her, too, that she wouldn’t be forced to move on and leave the engineer behind; and not just because Holtzmann effectively was the only person Erin currently knew in this world, the redhead still having no idea who the woman she had seen in her dream had been, but also because she cared deeply for her, and the thought of being separated from her made her heart clench up.

Not quite sure if Holtzmann felt similar, Erin kept these thoughts to herself though, even though she knew that it might be smarter to ask if there was a chance she would be allowed to stay at Holtzmann’s home, too, or if they would expect her to leave once the engineer had been dropped off there; she couldn’t bring herself to ask though, too afraid of the answer, and so, she kept her thoughts and worries to herself, telling herself that she would deal with whatever might happen when the time would actually come.

And so, they travelled together, and Erin took care of Holtzmann the best she could; to her relief, the withdrawal symptoms lessened after a few days, the throwing up stopping first, the shaking lasting for another day before that slowly stopped, as well.

“Thank goodness”, Holtzmann sighed the first evening she woke and neither had to puke, nor had trouble holding her water canteen and the canned food, “I was starting to worry about how long this would be going on.”

“I’m glad you’re getting better”, Erin agreed, earning a smile from the younger woman; after days of driving through the desert, they both were equally dirty, not wanting to waste precious water on washing, but at this point, the redhead found herself unable to care, just glad that their journey was going so well and that, if King had sent men after them again after the first failed attempt, they hadn’t been able to find them, allowing them to travel on uninterrupted.

“Have an idea how much longer until we reach your home?” she asked as they had breakfast – or perhaps, it should be called dinner, Erin thought to herself, since it wasn’t actually morning; Holtzmann shook her head, then grimaced, giving an explanation for her dismay before Erin had to ask.

“Not really”, she let the redhead know, sighing before she went on, “we’d been out scavenging when King’s guys came upon us, and decided we might make good slaves or bring a good profit if sold… and once they’d overpowered us, they tied us up and blindfolded us and left us that way until we arrived at the camp.”

“Do you know how long you’ve been there?” Erin finally dared to ask, simultaneously grasping Holtzmann’s hand to give her some comfort, easily able to tell that speaking about this time of her life was painful; Holtzmann shrugged, her gaze dropping down to Erin’s hand holding hers as she replied, the familiar mumble returning to her voice, something Erin by now could identify as a sign for her being uncomfortable.

“Not quite sure”, the engineer let her know, one of her hands coming up to briefly touch the collar, “it was hard to keep track of time in that shed, and that only got more difficult when they started drugging me. After I’d tried to run away, you know. The collar and the drugs, he… he didn’t do that from the start, only after I tried to escape.”

She swallowed heavily as she thought back to that failed escape attempt, to how the men who had caught her had dragged her to King’s hut and had thrown her at his feet; he had beaten her, and had yelled at her, before he had dragged her back to the shed and had snapped at one of his men to bring him a collar and chain, or to make one if they didn’t have one.

Erin squeezed her hand and distracted her from those dark thoughts; she managed a weak smile, then pushed those memories aside, telling herself that she was out of there and that she wouldn’t go back, no matter what she’d have to do to keep her freedom.

“Anyway”, she then said, “I guess we should arrive at my camp somewhat soon, we didn’t travel that long when those guys grabbed us and took us to King’s camp.”

Erin gave a brief nod to that, then realized that she was still holding the engineer’s hand and let go, clearing her throat as she suddenly felt a bit embarrassed; if Holtzmann found this behaviour weird, she didn’t let it show, but simply focused on finishing her food, prompting Erin to do the same, both women feeling somewhat sated once they had emptied their cans.

“We should get some sleep”, Erin suggested once the food was gone, making Holtzmann nod her agreement; they both drank a few gulps of water, then curled up on the ground of the cave they had found for that day, both women soon fast asleep, their sleep undisturbed until the sun went down and it was time to move on.

* * *

“I can drive now, if you want me to”, Holtzmann said once they had gathered up all their stuff and were walking to the car, “now that the shaking stopped…”

“If you want”, Erin gave back, shrugging, “but I don’t mind, so I can keep driving today. Maybe you can drive tomorrow? Better not overdo it the first day it stopped.”

“Good point”, Holtzmann had to admit, earning another smile from the other woman; despite Erin’s words having made sense, she still felt a bit bad as she got into the passenger seat again, all too aware of what a burden she must have been the past few days, now that her mind was working clearly again.

“I’m sorry”, she thus blurted out once Erin had started the engine, earning a confused look from the redhead, “um… for being such a nuisance the last few days. But I’m getting better now, I promise.”

“You’ve not been a nuisance”, Erin told her at once, a bit surprised as this had come somewhat out of nowhere, “what’s been happening to you isn’t your fault, you have nothing to apologize for. I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

At this, Holtzmann looked quite touched, her hand coming up to tug at her ear as she mumbled words of gratitude; Erin gave her another smile, then focused on driving again, once more glad that doing so apparently had been a skill she’d possessed before her strange amnesia and that it was a skill she hadn’t lost.

For a while, they drove without speaking, the silence between them not uncomfortable though; and then, Erin spotted a pillar of smoke up on the horizon, and Holtzmann had seen it, too, sitting up straighter on the passenger seat, her eyes widening a bit – before she reached out and grasped Erin’s arm, the excitement in her voice making the redhead smile again, despite her nervousness coming back at what the engineer was saying.

“Erin, look there!” she said excitedly, almost as excited as she had been when they had found tools while the drugs still had been influencing her, “that must be my camp! The distance fits, it has to be!”

Erin hoped that it was, not wanting this excitement to be replaced by dull disappointment; and still, part of her was nervous, worried about how she might be received by the people living at this camp, if she would be welcome as well or if they would kick her out, her palms sweaty and her heart racing by the time the high metal walls surrounding the camp came into the view.


	11. Homecoming

_I took a view into Hell_  
_But I’m_  
 _Coming home_  


“Stop the car!” an amplified voice yelled as they got closer to the camp, and Erin immediately did so, not quite sure if the metallic glint she could see on top of the wall was from the wall itself or from a weapon, “and state your business! Who are you, what do you want here?”

“It’s me!” Holtzmann called out before Erin had the chance to say something, hopping out of the car and waving her arms, “Holtzmann! And I brought the lady who helped me escape, her name’s Erin!”

The man who had called out to them paused, then vanished from behind the wall, Holtzmann frowning to herself; she glanced at Erin and shrugged at the questioning look the redhead shot her, then looked towards the wall again, soon feeling impatient when nothing happened.

“Hello?” she called out, the way she tapped her foot impatiently when no one replied making Erin smile despite how nervous she still felt; and then, just when Holtzmann got ready to call out again, the gate built into the wall rattled open, and a woman came rushing out, the engineer’s eyes going wide in response – before she got moving as well, hurried to meet her halfway.

“Jillian!” the woman called out, once she was close enough to be heard, leaving Erin momentarily confused, until she belatedly realized that this had to be Holtzmann’s first name, and she had to hold back to urge to roll her eyes at herself, because of course she could have figured out that “Holtzmann” wasn’t all of the younger woman’s name.

As she pondered these things, the two women reached each other, the taller one pulling Holtzmann into a tight hug, and just holding her for a while; then, she pulled back to look at her, and from how her face tightened at the still not quite faded bruising, the dirt and the collar, Erin could tell at once that it pained her to see the engineer like this.

“We have to get this… thing off of you”, the elder woman said, shaking her head, “and get you cleaned up, then we can talk. Your friend can drive the car inside.”

“Alright”, Holtzmann replied with a nod, then hurried back to the car, the whole reunion ending on a much less emotional note than it had begun; this surprised Erin a bit, but she didn’t question it, merely nodding when Holtzmann told her she could drive into the camp, the woman already walking back to the gate.

“This is Rebecca Gorin”, the engineer let her know as the car drove past her, even though Erin was driving slowly, “my mentor and kinda sorta mother figure. If anyone can get that collar off without slicing my neck open, it’s her.”

“That’s calming to know”, Erin gave back, raising an eyebrow; Holtzmann snickered, clearly overjoyed to be back, and after a moment, the redhead smiled as well, telling herself that certainly, things would work out fine, now that they had made it to the camp and were safe.

* * *

As it turned out, Holtzmann’s mentor decided that the engineer wasn’t the only one in need of getting clean, instructing another woman to take Erin to the bath house and to make sure she would get some clean clothes; and to her delight, Erin quickly learned that the camp had not only running water, but hot water, too, making her wonder how this was possible, in the middle of the desert as she got clean, enjoying the feeling of the hot water trailing down her skin and removing all the sand and dust.

She felt like standing beneath the hot spray for hours, but figured that this would be rude, and possibly dangerous for the camp’s water supply; and so, she kept the shower short, the woman who had taken her to the bath house waiting with fresh clothes and a towel when Erin stepped out, the redhead briefly uncomfortable at being naked in front of this complete stranger, then shrugging it off, the woman clearly not caring much, barely giving her a second glance as she handed the towel to her.

“I had to guess your size”, she let Erin know, gesturing at the clothes, “but I’m usually quite good at that, so they should fit. If not, let me know.”

“Thank you”, Erin gave back, wondering if all this hospitality had some sort of downside – after all, King and his men had been hospitable and nice too, at first; the woman smiled at her, then told her she’d wait outside and left her alone, giving her a chance to dry off and get dressed with some privacy.

She quickly pulled the fresh clothing on, amazed by how well the woman actually had guessed her size; the clothes fit much better than she had expected, and she felt quite good and relaxed when she left the bathhouse, the woman waiting for her outside, giving her a smile as she stepped through the door.

“Feel better?” she asked, making Erin nod; the younger woman gave her another smile, then asked if she was hungry and, once Erin had nodded again, let her know she’d take her to get some food, the redhead trailing along behind her as she led the way.

As they walked, the woman introduced herself as Jennifer, and told Erin that she’d want to know every detail about how she had managed to get Holtzmann away from imprisonment; she also talked about how Erin would be a hero to the people of the camp, thanks to bringing their best engineer back, this taking some of the redhead’s nervousness about being kicked out away.

It came as no big surprise that the food was better than it had been at King’s place, too, Erin being given actual meat – minced and made into flat patties, so she couldn’t really tell what sort of meat it was, but after days of just eating canned food, she was just happy to have fresh food – and bread; and the water was fresher than it had been at King’s camp, too, showing her that things were working much better in this place.

“A lot of that stuff is thanks to Holtzmann”, Jennifer let her know once they had found empty seats and Erin had started to eat, trying hard to not shovel the food into her mouth greedily, “especially the hot water in the bathhouse, she figured out all on her own how to make that happen. That woman is a natural at building things, so we’re really happy to have her back. Not to mention that she’s well liked here.”

“Well, it’s difficult to not like her”, Erin gave back, making the younger woman smile, “even when the drugs were still affecting her, I liked her, so…”

Jennifer raised an eyebrow at Erin mentioning the drugs, didn’t ask though; and Erin was glad about it, figuring it wasn’t her place to give away any details, not quite sure if Holtzmann would want the people at the camp to know about the withdrawal she had gone through.

“Oh there you are”, a familiar voice said from behind her, prompting her to turn on her seat; and a second later, she nearly choked on her food, her eyes widening, part of her registering how Jennifer snickered at her gobsmacked reaction.

It was amazing, she thought to herself, unable to stop staring, how much of a difference a bath and fresh clothes could make; she almost hadn’t recognized Holtzmann at first glance, with all the dirt gone and her hair not hanging down in matted strands anymore, but clean and now held in check by an oddly gravity-defying hairdo, the dirty clothes she had been wearing replaced by fresh garments and the collar gone from around her neck.

A closer look revealed some faint scarring where the collar had been chaffing, and the fact that Holtzmann still was wearing the rather dirty patch over her eye; she still looked much better than she had during their days of travelling together, and when she gave Erin a bright smile, the redhead felt her heart speed up.

_Oh wow_ , she thought to herself as Holtzmann sat down opposite of her, still unable to stop staring, _she looks so good. Wow._

“…the food?” Holtzmann was saying, and Erin blushed when she realized that she had been too busy staring to listen to what the engineer had been saying; amused, Holtzmann repeated her question, namely an inquiry if Erin was enjoying the food, and the redhead quickly nodded, cheeks still flaming as she wondered what Holtzmann was thinking of her now.

“I talked to Rebecca”, Holtzmann let her know, while Jennifer excused herself, giving them some privacy, “there’s no free beds at the moment in one of the bigger huts, but you can stay at my place if you like, it’s a bit small, but it should do.”

“Yes, of course, sure”, Erin agreed at once, happy that she would have a place to stay, no matter if it’d be big or small, “thank you, I… I was a bit worried that there’d… be no place here for me.”

“Erin”, Holtzmann replied, shaking her head as she reached over the table to place one hand on the other woman’s forearm, an odd tingle rushing up all the way to Erin’s shoulder at the touch, “you pretty much saved my life. You can stay here as long as you want, and if anyone tries to protest that, which I doubt by the way, I’ll personally kick their ass.”

Smiling, not sure what to reply, Erin placed her hand on top of Holtzmann’s, the engineer’s calloused fingers still resting on her arm; Holtzmann beamed at her, and Erin felt those odd tingles again, this time in the pit of her stomach, and she knew they had nothing to do with the food she just had eaten.

She might still have amnesia, she thought to herself as she held Holtzmann’s gaze, but she didn’t need her memories to figure out what these tingles meant.


	12. Whispers in the Dark

_Whisper, whisper, in the dark  
Tell me what you see?_

After they both had eaten, Holtzmann took Erin to show her the hut she had lived in before King’s men had grabbed her; as it turned out, the engineer hadn’t exaggerated when she had said that it wasn’t very big, and only made smaller by all the items and projects which were spread over the various workbenches, but it was better than nothing, and Erin didn’t mind much, only smiling and shrugging when Holtzmann told her that for now, all she could offer her was a mattress on the floor.

“That’ll be more comfortable than the last days still”, she pointed out, making the engineer smirk and nod; then, as Erin looked around the hut, Holtzmann moved to one of the workbenches, unaware of Erin focusing on her again as she reached out and ran her fingers over one of the projects which laid there, all of them covered in dust and sand.

“She kept everything”, Holtzmann said before Erin had the chance to say something, prompting the redhead to move over to her and place a comforting hand on her shoulder, having picked up on the sudden glum mood of the younger woman, “Rebecca, I mean. She kept everything exactly like it’s been on the day they… grabbed us.”

“She knew you’d come back”, Erin gave back, rubbing her back and making her smile weakly; and as the engineer turned her head to look at her, Erin for the first time consciously noticed the bright blue of Holtzmann’s good eye, her heartrate speeding up oddly as she held the other woman’s gaze, suddenly finding herself unable to look away.

She swallowed heavily, wondering if Holtzmann felt just as weirdly fascinated in this very moment; as if to answer her unasked question, the engineer’s gaze dropped down to her lips, and Erin’s heart sped up even further as she already imagined how it might be to have the blonde kiss her, how it would feel and how Holtzmann would taste.

A knock at the door tore them both out of the moment, Erin having to hold back an actual groan at the interruption – perhaps, she thought to herself as Holtzmann turned to the door and called out to whoever was out there that they could enter, she already had been attracted to the blonde when they still had been travelling, but now that Holtzmann had cleaned up and the effect of the drugs had worn off fully, she was sure about her attraction, her mind racing as she wondered if she should do something about it or wait for Holtzmann to make the first move.

_Probably smarter to let her decide_ , she thought to herself as the person who had interrupted entered, turning out to actually be two people, two young men dragging in a mattress, blanket and pillow, Holtzmann telling them where they could put it, _after all she’s been through, the last thing she needs is someone smooching her out of nowhere, even though she didn’t look as if she doesn’t like the thought right now._

The two men took their leave, having positioned the mattress and other stuff somewhat close to Holtzmann’s bed, since this was where there had been the most room for it; clearing her throat, appearing a bit embarrassed now, Holtzmann let the redhead know that Rebecca wanted her to see the camp’s doctor, just in case the drugs had some lingering effect she wasn’t aware of.

“I’ll come with you, if you like”, Erin offered, and judging from how relieved Holtzmann looked in response, this was exactly what she had been hoping for when she had told Erin she had to see the doctor; she nodded her agreement, and the two set off together to find the doctor, Holtzmann leading the way, clearly still remembering despite the time she had been gone.

Again, Erin wondered how long this actually had been, how long Holtzmann had been the cruel man’s captive; she figured that Rebecca Gorin or other members of the camp would know, but didn’t want to go asking around behind Holtzmann’s back, telling herself that, if Holtzmann wanted to know, she could find out herself, and then let Erin know, if she was fine with the redhead sharing this knowledge with her.

“I wonder if it’s still the same doc”, Holtzmann distracted her from those thoughts as they walked together, “if it is, don’t be alarmed, he’s a bit… weird.”

“Okay”, Erin gave back, raising an eyebrow; curious now, she followed the engineer to one of the huts, Holtzmann knocking before she entered, a man her age sitting at the large desk standing in the middle of the hut, what Erin presumed to be an examination table behind him, various tools spread on the desk in front of him, the cloth in his hands showing that he just had been busy cleaning them when they had interrupted him.

“Hey doc”, Holtzmann said, making him smile at her, his gaze shifting to Erin next, the once-over he gave her making her feel slightly uncomfortable, “Rebecca said I should drop by here so you can make sure I’m fine. This is Erin, she came here with me.”

“I’ve heard”, the man replied, coming to his feet and dropping the cloth down onto the desk, “nice to meet you, I’m Rowan North, this lovely camp’s doctor. Forgive me for not shaking hands, I just disinfected.”

Erin just nodded, not sure if some other answer was required; Rowan gave her a brief smile, then asked Holtzmann to sit down on the examination table, moving to stand in front of her and asking her about the drugs she had been given at the other camp while he carefully removed the eyepatch.

Erin held back the urge to grimace as the ruined eye was exposed, not wanting to make Holtzmann feel bad about it; the scarred empty socket did look quite nasty though, Rowan clucking his tongue as he examined it, appearing satisfied with what he was seeing though.

“Nothing I can do about the eye itself”, he let Holtzmann know, making her shrug since she had known that already, “but it healed nicely, so no danger from there.”

“Yeah, well”, Holtzmann mumbled, while he tested her reflexes and listened to her heartbeat, “he wanted to teach me a lesson, not kill me. So.”

“Uh-huh”, Rowan let out, making Erin wonder if he actually had heard her or if he just had made some sort of noise to pretend that he had been listening; he was busy examining the scarring at the engineer’s throat now, but seemed satisfied with what he was seeing, nodding after a minute and straightening up again.

“Looks good”, he told her, “you got any withdrawal symptoms from the drugs still?”

Holtzmann declined, not bothering to tell him which symptoms she already had gone through; and apparently, he didn’t really want to know, anyway, declaring that she was in good health, just too thin, something he trusted the camp’s cook to fix.

“I thought you’d be in worse shape”, he let her know in a conversational tone, “if you’d ever make it back at all, that is.”

“She lost an eye”, Erin couldn’t hold back a sharp comment at the blasé way he was talking about the shape Holtzmann was in, “isn’t that enough?”

Rowan just shrugged, only making Erin’s ire grow; before she could say something else though, and perhaps yell at him for being so insensitive, Holtzmann hopped off the table and straightened her clothes, Erin not missing the look the engineer shot her as she said that they were ready to go, then.

So, instead of yelling at the doctor, Erin just nodded, and left his hut with Holtzmann; and the moment the door had fallen shut behind them, she shook her head, glaring back at the building as if he could still see it or somehow, magically, feel it.

“What a jerk”, she then said, doing a surprisingly good imitation of his voice as she went on, “I thought you’d be in worse shape, my ass. As if you haven’t been through enough!”

To her surprise, Holtzmann let out a burst of laughter, still snickering at the baffled look Erin shot her, unable to stop even when she tried to explain the reason for her sudden amusement.

“How you just imitated him?” she said, Erin smiling as well when the engineer interrupted herself with another snort before she could go on, “that was excellent. Spot-on, too.”

“Thank you”, Erin said, with a little bow, making Holtzmann laugh again; it was the first time she actually heard her laugh, and it warmed her heart, her annoyance at Rowan forgotten as Holtzmann declared she would now give her the grand tour of the camp, the redhead more than gladly letting her lead the way, feeling content and fully happy for the first time since she had come around in the desert.

* * *

When Erin had curled up on the mattress hours later, amazed by the softness of the blanket and the fluffiness of the pillow, she had wondered if she’d dream of the ship again, and of the woman who had made her feel such strange longing; she had fallen asleep quickly, thanks to how comfy the mattress was, and had almost expected to see the ship and the woman again.

What she certainly hadn’t expected was Holtzmann waking her up with her panicked screams in the middle of the night.

Panicking as well, she sat up so fast she made herself dizzy, wildly looking around the dark hut, certain that they were under attack; nothing was moving in the small building though, and when she saw Holtzmann toss and turn from the corner of her eye, she finally realized what was happening.

“Holtzmann”, she said, hurriedly moving to sit on the edge of the bed, not quite sure if she should touch the engineer or if that would only make it worse, then deciding to keep her hands to herself for now, “Holtzmann, it’s okay, you’re having a nightmare, wake up, come on, wake up!”

To her relief, Holtzmann reacted fairly quickly to her voice, and even in the dark, Erin could see her good eye fly open; she breathed harshly for a few moments, looking around nervously, then apparently seemed to realize where she was, as she let out a heavy breath and slumped back onto her bed, Erin giving her a smile in an attempt to calm her down, now daring to reach out and place a tender hand on her arm.

“It’s okay”, she said again, eager to get through to her and make her feel better, rubbing her forearm tenderly, “you’re home, you’re safe, you’re not there anymore.”

Clearly, she wasn’t the only one who had heard the engineer scream, as loud voices came up outside, following by the door flying open and people shining bright lights into the hut; Holtzmann let out a noise of distress and moved with surprising speed, considering she hadn’t even been awake for a minute yet, all at once halfway on top of Erin, clinging to her as she hid her face against the other woman’s shoulder.

“It’s fine”, Erin hurriedly said, not wanting all this commotion to upset the engineer more, “she’s fine, just a nightmare. Everything’s fine.”

She belatedly realized that one of the people was Rebecca Gorin, the woman nodding briskly before she shooed everyone out of the hut again; and not even a minute later, the hut was dark again, Erin blinking as her eyes had to adjust once more after the unexpected, sudden light.

“It’s okay”, she said again, not sure if it was the right thing to say, rubbing Holtzmann’s back soothingly just in case, “you’re home, you’re safe, you—”

Holtzmann lunged up abruptly and unexpectedly, and cut Erin off in a way the redhead never would have expected, even though she couldn’t say that it wasn’t pleasant – as the engineer was kissing her from one second to the next, her lips surprisingly soft against Erin’s, a small moan escaping the redhead before she could stop herself.

The noise seemed to snap Holtzmann out of the moment, make her realize what she was doing; she pulled back, and even in the dark, Erin could see her good eye widening, and she knew she had to act before Holtzmann could start to think that she hadn’t wanted, needed this as much as the engineer herself had.

And so, this time, she was the one to close the gap between them, and to initiate the kiss; and Holtzmann kissed her back at once, wrapping both arms around her after a second, and for a while, both of them forgot all about their pain and fears, as all which mattered was being close to each other.


	13. The Ship on the Sand

_As we speak_  
_Of times gone by_  
_Black fades to grey_  
_Through my mind_

When Erin woke in the next morning, she for a moment thought that it all had been an exceptionally vivid and wonderful dream, and felt a bit dismayed… until she realized that she was still in Holtzmann’s bed, the engineer next to her, positioned so that Erin was practically spooning her, the younger woman still sleeping deeply.

Now that her brain was catching up with her body and was waking up properly, she smiled to herself as she thought back to the previous night; after the first, rather heated kiss, they had shared several more, slower and more gentle ones, until they had ended up snuggling on the bed and had fallen asleep again, both much more relaxed, no more nightmares plaguing the engineer.

Holtzmann stirred against her, distracting her from her thoughts about the previous night; she let out an adorable grunting noise which made Erin smile, then turned so she ended up facing the redhead, the way she started smiling the moment her gaze met Erin’s making the other woman’s heart beat faster.

“Good morning”, Holtzmann said, moving her hand to gently run it up Erin’s back, her smile widening at how Erin shivered at the tender caress; the redhead let out a small sigh, then mumbled “best morning” before she leaned in for a tender good morning kiss, both women smiling widely when they pulled apart again.

“We should find you some breakfast”, Erin said after just having enjoyed being so close to Holtzmann for a little bit, reaching out to poke her in the stomach and smirking at the little squeal the engineer let out, “Rowan might be a jerk, but he was right when he said you’re too thin.”

Holtzmann could only agree with that, and so, the two women got up; they changed, both of them glad that the camp had provided them with spare clothing, then made their way to the cafeteria together, several people they passed on the way there taking note of the way they were holding hands, some looking indifferent, some smiling.

“Jennifer told me that you are responsible for the warm water”, Erin remembered as they passed the bath house, making Holtzmann nod, with a bit of pride; then, a hint of mischief began to sparkle in her eye, and Erin smiled at what she said next, not only because it was amusing, but also because it showed that, despite all the horrible things which had been done to her, Holtzmann hadn’t been broken during her captivity.

“King wanted the same for his camp”, the engineer let her know, “but he didn’t get that from me, one of the few things I managed to avoid giving him. I did make all his cars better, but his people still have to wash with cold water they collect in barrels and from morning dew.”

“And it’s a good thing you made his cars better”, Erin pointed out, “so we had one we could use to escape. Imagine if we’d had to walk, we still would be out there in the desert.”

Holtzmann grimaced at that, and nodded; Erin gave her another smile and squeezed her hand, then they arrived at the cafeteria and moved to stand in line, only a few people in front of them, the two women getting food quickly, Erin finding herself somewhat amazed at the ham and eggs, the clearly fresh bread and the tea they were given.

“This is so much better than the stuff from the other camp”, she commented, making Holtzmann smirk and nod before she commented on how it also was drug-free, which was a big plus; Erin smiled and nodded as well as they sat down to eat, then they both were quiet as they were busy with devouring the food.

Just as Holtzmann gulped down the last forkful of egg, Rebecca Gorin approached the table the two women were sitting at; she greeted Holtzmann with a somewhat dry “Jillian”, and nodded at Erin, then sat down, raising an eyebrow appreciatively at Holtzmann’s empty plate.

“Good”, she said before the engineer could say something, “you should eat, you need more meat on your bones again.”

“That’s what Erin said too”, Holtzmann said, taking a sip of her tea before she went on, “and Rowan. Apart from being too thin, he gave me a clean bill of health though, so yay for that.”

“Happy to hear”, Rebecca said, even though she didn’t look or sound happy, Erin figuring that she was quite the reserved woman and that her outburst when Holtzmann had come back to the camp had been a rare thing, “and Erin, we can’t thank you enough for getting Jillian out of there and bringing her back to us.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Erin gave back, not having expected this sudden gratitude, feeling her cheeks redden at the intense way the other woman was looking at her, “after seeing how he treated her, I couldn’t just leave her there.”

“Not everyone would have taken that risk though”, Rebecca pointed out, Erin shrugging in response, feeling a bit awkward at all this unexpected words of gratitude, “and certainly not for someone they barely know.”

“And for someone who appeared like a kind of maniac”, Holtzmann added, shrugging at the look the elder woman shot her in response to those self-deprecating words.

“What”, she then said, “it’s true. The stuff they gave me made me talk to myself and be even more weird than usual, I don’t want to know what Erin thought of me when she saw me the first time.”

“That you need a bath”, Erin told her, making her snicker, “and then I saw that collar thing and got quite worried, because I only had arrived at that camp a few hours before that and thought it’s a safe place.”

“Where have you been before?” Rebecca wanted to know, and Erin felt awkward again as she realized that so far, she hadn’t mentioned her amnesia to the other woman; she shrugged, and managed a weak smile when Holtzmann reached over to grasp her hand, Rebecca only briefly looking at this interaction before her unsettlingly intense gaze focused on Erin again.

“Well, you know”, the redhead gave back, holding back the urge to nervously fidget on her seat, “I… don’t really remember. I kind of… woke in the desert one day, and had no memory of who I am, except for my name. And even that took a few minutes to come back to me.”

“Ah”, Rebecca let out, raising an eyebrow, “interesting. And nothing but your name came back to you so far?”

“Not really”, Erin gave back, with a small sigh, “I saw something in my dreams, a woman of whom I have no idea who she is and… a ship on the sand?”

“Yes”, Rebecca nodded, and Erin felt quite excited all at once, “I know of such a place. We’ve been in contact with them for a while, until the constant raids of King’s men became too dangerous and they stopped sending runners.”

“Should have listened to them when they said they wouldn’t send any more runners”, Holtzmann sighed, earning a sympathetic look from the elder woman, “then maybe they wouldn’t have grabbed us. How long have I been there anyway? I still don’t know.”

“And I’m not sure I want to tell you”, Rebecca replied, in that dry tone which seemed to be her default; clearly, Holtzmann was having none of that though, snorting before she shook her head, looking quite determined when she demanded to know exactly how long she had been held captive.

Realizing that the engineer wouldn’t give in until she’d be told, and might find out from someone else, Rebecca let out a small sigh and mumbled something under her breath about stubbornness; then, she answered the question, Holtzmann’s fingers tightening around Erin’s hand reflexively as she certainly hadn’t been expecting the information she was given.

“Almost a year”, Rebecca told her, Erin giving her a concerned look as she heard her take in a sharp breath, momentarily forgetting all about the ship on the sand, “so you can imagine how glad I was to see you yesterday.”

“I’m kinda glad they drugged me now, you know”, Holtzmann mumbled, prompting Erin to squeeze her hand in an attempt to comfort her, “cause that made it seem like… much less time. Almost a year?”

Rebecca nodded, with another sympathetic look; Holtzmann ran a visibly shaking hand through her hair, then Erin could practically see how she steeled herself, squaring her shoulders as she sat up a bit straighter.

“Well, can’t be changed, can it”, she said, making Rebecca nod, a hint of pride in the elder woman’s eyes now, “so I’m just gonna be glad that Erin got me out of there. And forever grateful to her, of course.”

Erin smiled and blushed a bit, squeezing the other woman’s hand again; Holtzmann smiled at her, and once more, Rebecca watched this interaction, didn’t make a comment though, just giving a brief, somewhat tight smile.

Instead of commenting, Rebecca asked Holtzmann if everything in her home had been to her satisfaction when she had returned to the building; Erin didn’t hear what the engineer was saying in response though, as images were flashing through her mind again, the ship on the sand, the woman she had seen in her dreams, and what appeared to be a sort of square on ground made of metal.

“…still there?” Holtzmann’s voice reached her ears, along with the engineer waving her free hand around in front of Erin’s face; belatedly, she realized how her grip had tightened on the blonde’s other hand, and she forced herself to loosen said grip, letting out a heavy breath while both Holtzmann and Rebecca were looking at her in concern.

“You kinda spaced out there”, Holtzmann said, with another worried look, “are you okay?”

“Fine”, Erin mumbled, winning some time by taking a small sip of tea before she went on, “I just… I don’t know, regained some memories? The ship, again, the woman I’ve seen in my dreams, and… something like a town square? With a metal floor?”

“Part of the ship”, Rebecca nodded, “so I imagine you either have been there before or perhaps even lived there. I’d say we send a runner to find out if they have missing persons there and if you’re among them, but King still has his people out there, always looking for people they can capture and enslave.”

“We have to go out again sooner or later though”, Holtzmann pointed out, “I still have a bunch of parts and supplies, but you know this won’t last forever.”

“Well, yes”, Rebecca gave back, rising an eyebrow and giving her a look of disbelief, “but certainly you don’t want to go out again so shortly after being freed from captivity?”

“Not unprepared”, Holtzmann told her, smirking slightly, and Erin could practically see the gears in her head turn, “but I think I got an idea for that. Just give me a few days.”

Rebecca looked as if she wanted to protest, then just sighed and nodded; curious, Erin shot Holtzmann a questioning look, but the engineer just grinned back at her, clearly not willing to reveal anything yet, leaving both women wondering what exactly she was having in mind.


	14. Quiet Days

_Days of rest, days of calm_  
_Time we have together_  
 _For we couldn’t know_  
 _It’s only the calm before the storm_

Even though Rebecca had advised Holtzmann to take it easy, no matter how good and useful her newest idea seemed, the engineer clearly had no interest in actually doing what her mentor had suggested; instead of taking it easy, right after breakfast, she hurried back to the building which served as both her home and her workshop, Erin trailing along, curious if she’d finally find out what the blonde was planning.

Briefly, she wondered if the other people living at the camp would expect her to take some kind of job, or if she would be assigned one, like at King’s place; apparently, if this was planned, it wouldn’t happen that day, since Rebecca had made no mention of getting her to work and Holtzmann said nothing either as they walked to her home.

Instead of commenting on possible work for Erin, the engineer was muttering under her breath again, but it didn’t sound as disjointed and confused as it had back at King’s place and during the first few days of their travel time together; instead, Erin could tell that the younger woman was highly focused, immediately moving to one of her workbenches the moment she had entered the house.

She picked up one piece of metal, dismissed it again quickly though, tossing it back onto the workbench before she grasped another one; not quite sure what Holtzmann was looking for, and thus not really able to help, Erin just watched, curiousness only growing as the engineer collected several pipes of almost identical length.

“Okay”, she then said, “that could work. Gonna need a bit of fine-tuning but apart from that… Erin, do me a favour?”

“Sure, I’d love to help”, Erin replied at once, not wanting to feel useless; Holtzmann gave her a bright smile which made her heart leap, then rattled off a list of items she would need, only realizing she had spoken too fast when all Erin could do was blink at her.

“…could you write this down?” the redhead said after having tried to process the list, had to realize that she had missed at least a third of it; Holtzmann gave a sheepish little grin, which made her look impossibly adorable to Erin, and nodded, then rummaged around until she found a scrap of paper and a little stub of a pencil, quickly scribbling down the items.

While Holtzmann was busy with that, Erin realized that she had no idea if she could actually read, and had a moment to wonder if this was a skill she had possessed before her amnesia, and, if that had been the case, if it still was there; and then, Holtzmann handed the paper to her, and she was relieved to see that she could read it, with a bit of difficulty, something which was to blamed on Holtzmann’s somewhat messy handwriting though and not on a lack of skill on her part.

“Take this to Rebecca please”, Holtzmann said, making Erin nod, “she should still be at the chow hall, if she’s not there, try her house or ask around.”

She added the exact location of Rebecca’s house, and Erin nodded again; and then, she stole a quick smooch before she headed out to find the engineer’s mentor, studying the list as she walked, wondering what exactly Holtzmann wanted to build with the items she had written down.

* * *

For the next few days, Holtzmann kept working on her mysterious projects; Erin quickly realized it was more than one thing she was building, but had no idea what exactly the engineer was making, and whenever she would ask, Holtzmann would tell her that she would reveal it when the time had come.

“I’m sorry sweetheart”, she said at one of those occasions, the pet name making Erin smile, “but I’m kinda superstitious when it comes to talking about my babies before they’re finished and ready to be tested.”

“I get that”, Erin nodded, even though she wasn’t sure she did get it fully; she didn’t want to pressure Holtzmann though, and so, she accepted the engineer’s refusal to tell her what she was working on, and just helped her out the best she could, with her limited knowledge of technology in general and the things Holtzmann was building in particular.

Thanks to this lack of knowledge, her help consisted mostly of holding things in place, of handing Holtzmann various tools and of putting her finger here and there to make sure nothing would fall apart until the engineer had secured whatever part Erin was holding; clearly though, people thought that the help she provided for Holtzmann was sufficient to earn her keep at the camp, as no one bothered her about doing other work, and she was quite glad about this, as she could spend all day with Holtzmann and then snuggle her during the night, when they’d share her bed.

She wondered if Rebecca was able to tell what Holtzmann was building as she kept helping her girlfriend; Rebecca had looked fairly indifferent at the list Erin had given her, and just had made sure Holtzmann would get everything she had requested, and apparently, knew about the blonde’s superstitions, not asking her once what she was building, not even when things didn’t work out a few times and Holtzmann caused some rather loud clangs and bangs to echo through the camp.

“We’re just glad to have her back, we all missed those noises”, Jennifer told Erin one day during dinner, after an afternoon during which there had been an exceptionally loud clang when the whole construct Holtzmann was working on had fallen over, thankfully without taking damage, “it was way too quiet here while she was gone, Rebecca is a good engineer too, but not as noisy as Holtz.”

“Not as clumsy as me, you mean”, Holtzmann snickered, making Erin smile as well while Jennifer affectionately rolled her eyes, “also! I now have the perfect excuse. I lack depth perception.”

She pointed at the eyepatch, which by now had replaced with a cleaner and more comfortable one than the dirty rag she had been using before; Jennifer rolled her eyes again, then reached over to poke her side, making her squeak, the noise prompting Erin to giggle while Jennifer shook her head.

“As if you haven’t been clumsy before”, she then said, Holtzmann putting on a look of perfect innocence, “how often did you nearly drown yourself while you were working on getting us warm water?”

“Couple of times”, Holtzmann shrugged, earning a raised eyebrow from Erin for her nonchalance, “but I didn’t have an excuse back then, now I do.”

“Please tell me you’re keeping an eye on her”, Jennifer sighed, giving Erin an imploring look; smiling, the redhead nodded, and Jennifer let out an exaggerated sigh of relief, making it Holtzmann’s turn to roll her eye.

“I can’t keep the noises from happening though”, Erin told Jennifer, making her shrug, “I just help her the best I can.”

“And you’re amazing at it, babe”, Holtzmann told her, making her blush a bit; she figured that by now, the whole camp knew that Holtzmann and she were more than friends, but if anyone had thoughts about it which were not positive, they kept them to themselves, nobody having made any kind of negative comment when the two had been within earshot so far.

Now, Jennifer made no comment either, just smirking; still a bit flushed, Erin smiled at the blonde, then distracted herself with a few sips of tea – only to nearly choke on it when suddenly, out of nowhere and without warning, a loud siren started blaring, loud enough that it had to be audible in the whole camp.

“Shit!” Jennifer said, while Holtzmann dropped her fork and practically shot to her feet; Erin quickly got up as well, worry setting in as she realized that such a sound couldn’t mean anything good.

“Everybody, stay calm”, Rebecca’s voice echoed through the camp moments later, amplified somehow so she could be heard in the whole camp, “combatants, to the wall!”

“Shit”, Holtzmann was the one to use the curse word this time, running one hand through her hair, suddenly appearing nervous; Erin gave her a questioning look, but before she could ask, the engineer continued, confirming her worst fears about what the siren and the words about combatants meant.

The camp was under attack.


	15. Under Attack

_Attack, attack_  
_Until there's no one left to fight_  
 _Attack, attack_  
 _No escape, no return_  
 _Squeeze the trigger, it's time to die_

As the siren died down, all the camp having heard it and knowing what to do, Erin could hear the sound of engines approaching outside; and it sounded like a lot of engines, her worry only growing as she tried to figure out how many vehicles there were.

“Erin, come with me”, Holtzmann distracted her, “I’ll need help carrying the weapons…”

Nodding, glad that she had something to do, Erin hurried to the engineer’s home with her; there, she grabbed one of the projects she had been working on the past few days, mumbling under her breath about how she hadn’t been able to test that, before she gestured at a chest at the opposite wall, speaking quick and business-like as she instructed her girlfriend to grab as many weapons as she could from that chest and get them to the wall.

“Tell Rebecca I’ll be there in a minute”, she added, making Erin nod once more as she hurried to do what she had been told; she grabbed as many of the guns of all sizes she could carry, hoping that ammunition would be at the wall already since she couldn’t spot it anywhere, then ran as fast as she could with her load, Rebecca spotting her from afar and waving her over.

“Where’s Jillian”, she demanded to know while she took weapons from Erin and started handing them out; Erin told her that the engineer would be there in a minute, and that seemed to satisfy her, since she just nodded briskly and didn’t ask any more questions, at least not about the blonde.

“Are you a good shot?” she asked Erin instead, the redhead shrugging meekly, not having the slightest idea; this seemed to remind Rebecca that Erin was suffering from amnesia, and she actually looked apologetic for a moment – before she handed one of the guns to the redhead, to her obvious surprise.

“Shotgun”, Rebecca said as an explanation, “you don’t need to be good at aiming with that one. Just make sure they’re not too far away when you shoot.”

“Um”, was all Erin could let out, then Rebecca called out “Bradley!” to someone behind her, a man Erin guessed to be roughly her own age rushing over a moment later, nodding when Rebecca instructed him to take Erin up on the wall with him.

“We have ammunition up there”, he told her as he led the way, the sound of engines steadily approaching, “quick, they will be close enough to attack any minute!”

Erin felt nervous and a bit anxious, sweat forming on her brow; they hurried to the walkway on top of the wall together, mounted at just the right height to let them look and, if necessary, fire over it, but would still provide cover, and her nervousness and anxiety only grew when she saw the vehicles and recognized them at once.

And she recognized the man in the most massive one of the cars, too, her blood running cold; she hadn’t been there for long, but King was an impressive figure, and she could only imagine how angry he had to be that he had made this whole journey from his relatively safe camp to this one.

Bradley pushed some shotgun shells into her hands, and quickly showed her how to load the gun when her nervous fumbling showed she had no idea; Erin hoped she wouldn’t have to shoot as the cars rolled a bit closer, then finally stopped, and King rose from the seat mounted to the top of his car, his voice booming across the short distance between himself and the wall a second later.

“We can do this the easy way, or the hard way”, he yelled, and even at the distance, Erin could see the smirk on his face, “we got enough firepower to tear your whole little shithole down. But if you give me my engineer, nobody will get hurt.”

“Fuck off”, one of the women standing up on the walkway along with Erin and Bradley yelled back, surprising the redhead with how loud she managed to be, looking much more delicate and petite than the somewhat massive King, “you’re not getting anything from us except bullets!”

“The hard way it is then”, the large man boomed in response, “just so you know, I’ll make my engineer pay for your insolence. Once we’re back at the camp.”

“I have a name, you know”, Holtzmann was the one to respond, to Erin’s surprise, the redhead belatedly realizing that she had been so focused on King and his men that she hadn’t even noticed Holtzmann moving up to the wall; she stood a few feet away, and while Erin could see what she was holding, King and his men couldn’t, Erin forced to hold back a smile as she realized that the group was in for a very nasty surprise.

Now that she could see what Holtzmann had been working on in all its glory and the way the engineer was holding it, she could tell what it was, at last; and judging from how the people close enough to see were reacting, they could tell, too, Rebecca having trouble to hold back a proud smirk as she studied the object.

“You won’t need a name when you’re back at my camp”, King called back, smiling cruelly, and if seeing him like this and hearing his voice again frightened Holtzmann, she did a remarkable job at hiding it, even managing a smirk of her own, not reacting the slightest when the large man went on.

“Can’t take your other eye, sadly, I thought losing one would be enough to discourage such behaviour”, King continued, and Erin could feel her blood boil at those words, wondering if she too was capable of a killing frenzy like the one Holtzmann had displayed during their travel through the desert, “but maybe an ear will hammer that lesson home. Or your tongue, it’s not like you need to talk to do work for me.”

“You realize there’s a flaw in your sweet torture plans, right”, Holtzmann wanted to know, Erin feeling quite surprised at how steady her voice was, despite these rather graphic threats, “you have to get me back there first. And that won’t happen.”

“You think you can stop my men and me?” King asked, snickering, his men laughing as well, as if he had told a great joke, “how? With your measly walls there and those few guns you have? I know all about your defences, engineer, and your camp doesn’t have nearly enough to stop me from getting in there. So tell me, how do you plan to do this?”

“I’m so glad you asked”, Holtzmann replied with a bright smile – and hoisted the Gatling gun up, resting the six barrels on the wall, King’s mouth falling open almost comically as he realized what it was.

He still had time to yell “Shit!”, then Holtzmann pushed the trigger, and Erin’s worries about the untested weapon blowing up dissolved as it worked just flawlessly, the redhead belatedly realizing that it wasn’t firing bullets per se, but small pieces of metal, the engineer somehow having made it work without actual gunpowder, a resource Erin figured was scarce in this wasteland and thus hadn’t been an option.

Even without gunpowder and proper bullets though, the effect the weapon had was devastating.

King himself had been smart enough to dive for cover the second he had realized what Holtzmann was holding, and some of his men had followed his lead; others hadn’t been so fast though, and they went down quickly, some of them screaming, some just falling soundlessly.

Erin figured that the ones who just went down were the lucky ones, because from what she could see, the wounds the gun caused were horribly deep and large, and she didn’t want to image how much getting hit by the projectiles had to hurt.

The projectiles weren’t just effective against flesh, she could see, but against the vehicles, too, tearing large holes into the cars and flattening several tires; and even over the quite impressive noise the gun was making, Erin could hear King yelling, shouting at his men to return fire.

“Don’t let them!” Rebecca ordered, her sharp tone making the redhead flinch a bit, “add to Jillian’s fire, now!”

Those who had guns hurried to do so, shooting with a bit more aim than Holtzmann could accomplish with her gun; several of the wounded, screaming men were silenced, and King quickly was reduced to helpless, but loud cursing as his men had no chance to leave cover long enough to fight back.

“Retreat!” he finally yelled, to the obvious relief of the few of his men which were still standing; in response, Holtzmann and the other armed people aimed for the few cars which looked as if they might still be able to drive, shooting up the tires and doing as much damage to them as they could.

“This isn’t over!” King yelled angrily as he could do nothing but witness the destruction, “we’ll be back and then you’ll pay!”

“Get lost!” one of the women with guns shouted in response, and he snarled, but realized that there was no way they could attack; and so, they ran, zig-zagging to avoid the gunfire, the people of the camp shooting until the group was out of sight, a massive cheer rising from all of them the moment King and his men were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out the awesome art aloc (googoogojob on tumblr) made for this story :D I love it! (Warning though, it's a bit... dark. XD) http://dreamshapers-universe.tumblr.com/post/171153576654/googoogojob-engineers-nightmare-fragment-6


	16. Betrayer Suspected

_I will never be like you._  
_I will always despise you._  
 _Betrayer, where is your head._  
 _Betrayer, where is your heart._  
 _Betrayer, I will never be like you._

_  
_ Rebecca didn’t waste any time, and the moment King and his men were gone, she chose a group of five to run out and loot the dead men and salvage what they could from the destroyed cars; they took guns along, just in case some of the dead men weren’t so dead after all, and hurried out of the open gate, the others watching from the wall and giving them cover, not wanting any nasty surprises.

“Very good work, Jillian”, Rebecca said while the group started their work outside, beginning with the dead men, “very impressive.”

Holtzmann nodded, but it seemed oddly stiff, and Erin had a second to wonder why she wasn’t grinning or at least smiling – before the engineer dropped the gun, turned away from Rebecca and her and bent over at the waist, throwing up somewhat noisily, making the man next to her jump back and prompting him to flail his arms as he suddenly was in danger of falling off the wall.

From the corner of her eye, Erin saw another man grab the guy, keeping him from going over the edge after all; she couldn’t have cared less though, moving to Holtzmann’s side in a flash, Rebecca hurrying over as well, the redhead barely noticing her as well though as she rubbed the engineer’s back and made soothing noises, eager to help her calm down.

“Did she get hurt?” one of the women nearby called out, sounding so panicky that it would have been amusing, had the circumstances been different; Rowan came over to check on the engineer, not quite as fast as Erin would have liked him to move, and before he had the chance to reach them, also thanks to his leisurely pace, she spoke up, surprising herself with what she was saying.

“No, she’s fine, physically”, she said, earning a raised eyebrow from Rebecca, the woman not questioning her though, but letting her go on, “it’s just stress-induced vomiting. No surprise after what that man put her through.”

“Excuse me”, Rowan butted in, clearly not as polite as Rebecca, “but I think I’m the doctor here.”

“Erin’s right”, Holtzmann brought out, grimacing at the taste in her mouth, giving Jennifer a thankful look when the woman appeared by her side and held a canteen out to her; it was somewhat wasteful to wash out her mouth with it, what with the desert all around them, but she had to get rid of the taste, and no one protested when she sloshed a mouthful of water around before she spat it onto the ground.

“I’m not hurt”, she added, the redhead still rubbing her back soothingly, “it was just… quite upsetting to see him again.”

“Your weapon was amazing though”, Erin praised, eager to distract her from any dark memories which might have been brought up again by this confrontation; somehow, she knew that it wouldn’t help much, that sooner or later, all the things Holtzmann had been through would catch up with her, no matter how much of a cheerful, happy façade she put on, but she figured it was still worth a try, “they didn’t stand a chance.”

“Very impressive indeed”, Rebecca added, with a small, tight smile, while Rowan sulked and marched off, clearly annoyed by how little he had been needed; Holtzmann managed a weak smile in response, then shrugged, frowning as something King had said came back to her.

“I’m glad it got done in time”, she said, leaning a bit into Erin’s touch now as the other woman still had her hand on her back, “but… he said he knows all about our defences. How? There were no scouts, were there?”

“The guards didn’t report anything suspicious”, Rebecca replied, now frowning as well, “but he didn’t sound as if he’s bluffing, so…”

“… so there might be a traitor”, Holtzmann finished for her, and the way the people close enough to have heard her gasped was almost funny, “someone who told him.”

She took in a shaky breath and reached up with one hand to rub at her forehead, something Erin had seen her do a couple of times when she had been working; she brought up her free hand to silence Rowan when it looked as if he wanted to say something, and was pleasantly surprised when the man actually did keep quiet.

“He knew”, Holtzmann mumbled, her frown deepening, “when they grabbed us and took us to his camp. He knew I was an engineer. I didn’t even realize it back then cause I was, well, freaked out and scared but… he knew right away, without giving me some work to test me or anything…”

“Someone told him”, Rebecca said, and from her face darkened, Erin almost felt bad for whoever had betrayed the camp like this, figuring that the punishment once the person would be caught wouldn’t be pretty, “possibly even gave a description of you, so he would know who you are immediately.”

“But how do we find this traitor?” Jennifer wanted to know, making them all look at her, “and how did they communicate? If there were no scouts?”

As if on cue, the people searching the cars seemed to find something of great interest, as one of them starting waving an object around, showing it to the others; they briefly spoke among each other, then the one who had found whatever it was ran for the wall again, waving the object over his head, Rebecca frowning again as she watched his approach.

“What is it?” she called out to him the moment he was close enough to hear her without her having to actually yell; he stopped his run and moved slower, lowering the object too, raising his voice as he replied to make sure not just Rebecca heard his answer, but everyone within earshot.

“Looks like a radio!” he called back, Erin and Holtzmann exchanging a look, the engineer having to swallow heavily as the truth that someone in this camp possibly was responsible for the Hell she had gone through hit home fully, “it’s quite shot up, but it’s the only one we found! None in the other cars!”

“Bring it here”, Holtzmann called out, “I want to take a look at that.”

The man nodded and hurried towards the gate while Holtzmann went down from the wall to meet him, Erin right behind her and Rebecca following after a moment, both women curious to see if Holtzmann would be able to make use of the radio somehow – and if it somehow would help them to find the traitor in their midst.

* * *

The radio had only been hit by one of the projectiles, but had been enough to do quite the damage to it; still Holtzmann took it to her home, Erin right behind her, Rebecca not entering the building with them even though the redhead figured that she had to be quite curious as well.

“Think you can work with it?” Erin dared to ask after Holtzmann had taken the radio to one of her workbenches and had just studied it in silence for a while; at first, it seemed as if Holtzmann hadn’t even heard her, then the engineer seemed to snap out of her stupor, as she looked at her and nodded, a strange far-away look in her eye though, odd enough to immediately make Erin worry.

“Holtz?” she said, not quite sure how to react to this, but realizing that she couldn’t just ignore it – something was wrong with Holtzmann, and all she wanted was to make it better, even if she wasn’t quite sure yet what exactly was going on.

“Someone from here did this to me”, the engineer said, in a small, trembling voice which painfully reminded Erin of how she had sounded when the drugs still had been affecting her, “someone told him who I am, what I can do and… if it hadn’t been for this person…”

Out of nowhere, she slammed her fist down onto the workbench, then winced in pain; and immediately, Erin was by her side, grasping her fist with both hands and rubbing it soothingly, eager to stop her from hurting herself again, not letting go even when she felt Holtzmann tense up next to her.

“We’ll find out who it was”, Erin told her, not quite sure it would be so easy, but wanting to make her feel better, “and they’ll be punished, you know they will be. Don’t hurt yourself over whoever did this, they’re not worth it…”

She moved so that she was facing Holtzmann, and at the same time manoeuvred herself between the engineer and the workbench; and then, she pulled the younger woman into a tight embrace and just held her, her heart aching when she felt Holtzmann shudder in her arms.

“It could have been anyone”, Holtzmann spoke into her shoulder, voice trembling as well, and sounding oddly watery, letting Erin know how close the engineer was to crying, “someone I’m friends with… Who in truth hates me enough to do this to me…”

She lost the fight then, and started to cry; and as she had no idea what to say to make this better, Erin just held her, and rubbed her back, silently reassuring her that she was there for her as Holtzmann cried in her arms, truly overwhelmed by her emotions for the first time ever since Erin had helped her escape.


	17. Betrayer Unmasked

_Betrayal, you are what you choose_  
_Betrayal, got everything to loose_  
 _Betrayal, one day you'll know_  
 _Betrayal, you reap what you sow_

Once she had calmed down, Holtzmann immediately went back to work on the radio, clearly not willing to let whoever had betrayed them get away with it another minute longer than she had to; and while she was busy with that task, Erin left the house to get them something to eat, realizing that Holtzmann wouldn’t be willing to go the chow hall for as long as she hadn’t managed to make use of the radio somehow.

On the way to the building, Rebecca called out to her, stopping her dead in her tracks; she still found the woman intimidating, tried not to let this show though, and even managed a smile as Rebecca caught up to her and stopped next to her.

“How’s Jillian doing?” she came straight to the point, not bothering with small talk; Erin shrugged, glancing towards Holtzmann’s home – their home, she probably could call it now – before she focused on Rebecca again, answering her question.

“Still surprisingly well, considering”, she told the older woman, “there was… a slight breakdown, I guess, when she fully realized that someone from this camp was responsible for the Hell she went through for a year, but she’s working on the radio again now. I was just about to get us some food, I don’t think I can get her to leave the house, now that she has something like this to focus on.”

“You know her well already”, Rebecca replied, with a dryly amused tone which made Erin smile slightly more genuinely, “once she sinks her teeth into something, it’s hard to get her away from her workbenches and tools.”

“And she really sank her teeth into this one”, Erin let her girlfriend’s mentor know, earning a small, tight smile, “not that I can blame her.”

“Well”, Rebecca said as she got walking again, Erin moving along next to her, figuring that the other woman wasn’t done talking with her yet and would accompany her to the chow hall, “at least we don’t have to worry about King and his men anymore, for now. Perhaps never again. They had no cars and no supplies when we forced them to retreat, and out in the desert like that…”

Erin nodded, not quite able to feel sympathy for King and his men, not after what he had done to Holtzmann; and judging from Rebecca’s tone, she wasn’t bothered by the idea of the men dying out there from thirst or starvation either.

“If we find out who betrayed us”, Rebecca went on, “they’ll suffer a similar fate. Punishment for something like this is exile, and everyone in this camp knows this, so perhaps, the traitor will give themselves away before we even have to figure out how to use the radio to find them.”

“Would make things easier”, Erin nodded, then frowned a bit, the questioning look Rebecca gave her prompting her to elaborate, “but it might be better for Holtz if we find them with the radio. So she contributed, you know? It might be helpful for her to know that her work on the radio helped finding the traitor.”

“Good point”, Rebecca nodded, Erin feeling absurdly proud at those simple words, figuring it had to be high praise from someone as reserved as Rebecca; she smiled at the other woman, and after a moment, Rebecca smiled back at her, then let her know that she’d drop by at Holtzmann’s house later, Erin nodding her agreement before she went to get food, unable to stop thinking of the traitor though, wondering who it might be and why someone would do something like this.

* * *

As it turned out, the radio hadn’t been damaged too much to be completely useless, and by the time the sun started to go down, Holtzmann had not only made it work again, but had managed to rewire it so that was sending a continuous signal, changes which would make sure that, if a radio built to receive from the one they had found was at the camp, they would find it.

Erin went to find Rebecca once Holtzmann told her that she had fixed and modified the radio as much as possible; and then, once Rebecca had found some men and women with weapons to come with them, they started the search, Holtzmann taking the lead with the hissing radio in hand, Erin by her side, the others trailing along closely behind the two women.

They moved from house to house, not speaking, all of them listening closely for any noise which might indicate the second radio being anywhere nearby; Erin wondered what they would do if they wouldn’t find anything, if the other radio had been destroyed or hidden where they wouldn’t hear it, figured though that they would find another way to catch the traitor then.

And, as it turned out when they entered one of the buildings, there was no need to find another way; because the moment Holtzmann stepped into the house’s main room, the radio in her hand started to emit a high-pitched beep, and as if in response, a similar noise came from one of the many cupboards in the house, Erin gaping at the betrayer while Rebecca’s face hardened.

“I have to say, I wasn’t expecting you”, she said, her voice cold, while weapons were aimed at the traitor, “Jillian?”

Without taking her gaze off the betrayer, Holtzmann moved to one of the cupboard, opened it and pulled out the radio; she was a bit surprised that it hadn’t been removed, but then, she realized belatedly, Rowan hadn’t been there when the radio had been found and she had talked about how she might use it to find the other one, having walked off shortly before all of this had happened.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”, the doctor still tried to play dumb, despite the damning evidence, “someone must have planted this thing here to frame me.”

“You start to sweat when you lie”, Rebecca coldly told him, “and your neck flushes, a very unflattering shade of red. As it does right now.”

Rowan swallowed heavily in response, his eye twitching visibly – before he moved with surprising speed, grabbing one of his scalpels with one hand and Erin’s arm with the other, jerking the startled redhead closer to himself before anyone had the chance to react, her eyes widening when he pulled her up against his body and she felt the cold metal of the scalpel against her throat.

“Nobody move”, Rowan said with an audible tremble in his voice, his grip on Erin’s arm tightening as she went perfectly still, “and she won’t get hurt.”

“It’s over”, Rebecca replied, keeping her voice carefully steady, not moving though, from the corner of her eye noticing how Holtzmann tensed up and her breath quickened, a bad sign, she knew, “let go of her. You’ll only make things worse for yourself if you don’t.”

“Shut up”, Rowan snapped, and even through the sleeve of her shirt, Erin could feel how sweaty his hand was as he kept his tight grip on her arm, “and move away from the door. All of you!”

“Jillian”, Rebecca said in a warning tone, and his gaze flickered from her to the engineer; before he could do more than that though, Holtzmann grit her teeth, and despite her fear and the bad situation Erin was in, she could see the rage in her girlfriend’s eye, and knew what it  meant, having seen it before.

“Don’t you dare move”, Rowan said, the tremble in his voice growing, making Erin wonder if he too knew about what Holtzmann could do if she went into this kind of rage, “I’ll kill her if you do…!”

Without allowing herself to think about possible consequences, Erin responded to this threat in a way he certainly hadn’t expected – by snapping her head back as hard as she could, feeling quite satisfied when she connected and could actually feel his nose break, and he cried out in pain, involuntarily letting go of her arm, the scalpel vanishing from her throat in the same instant.

Erin ducked out of the way the moment she could be sure she wouldn’t be cut, and that was all the opening Holtzmann had needed.

She shot forward at once, fists already clenching, and slammed into Rowan, making him cry out again; his cry mixed with the roar she let out as she started beating down on him, not caring where she hit him, not caring when Rebecca called out her name again and again, with increasing sharpness in her tone.

The scalpel flashed, and blood splattered to the floor, but Holtzmann didn’t slow down; Rowan went down a few moments later, the bloodied blade falling from his hands, and Holtzmann straddled him, a wild glint in her eye as her hands closed around his throat.

“Holtz, no!” Erin now tried to stop her, as well; none of the others dared to touch her, not even Rebecca, but Erin had no such qualms, rushing to her side and placing one hand on her shoulder, not even pulling back when the engineer let out a somewhat threatening grumbling noise in response to her touch.

“Don’t kill him”, she said, while Rowan’s face reddened and he started to make choking noises, “he’s not worth it, let go of him Holtz, please?”

For a few more seconds, Holtzmann kept her hands around the man’s throat, and kept choking him, her teeth grit so tightly that her jaw muscles were clearly visible beneath the skin… and then she let go of him, and immediately, Erin pulled her into an embrace, holding her close and rubbing her back, barely registering how two of the men with weapons grabbed Rowan and dragged him outside.


	18. Memories, Revisited

_As the blood flows freely_  
_Images and words flood my mind_  
 _And I remember_  
 _All the things I left behind_

“You’re hurt”, Rebecca was the one to break the tense silence which had filled the building once Rowan had been dragged away and his cries of protests had faded; Holtzmann was still breathing heavily, much like she had when Erin had seen her go into the frenzy like this in the desert, but her gaze was clearing, and she glanced down at her side, where Rowan’s scalpel had slashed through her clothes and into the skin and flesh beneath.

Almost automatically, Erin moved back from the hug to take a look at the wound, barely taking note of how one of the men still left in the building mumbling something about now, they no longer had a doctor; and the second her eyes fell onto the bleeding slash, images flooded her mind, so unexpected and with such intensity that she would have fallen, had she not been still in Holtzmann’s embrace, the younger woman’s hold on her tightening without missing a beat.

Alarmed by how all at once, Erin’s face paled and her eyes widened, Holtzmann said her name, but got no reaction; Erin hadn’t even heard her, images rushing through her mind as the memories of decades came all back at once.

She saw the ship on the sand again, and not just from the outside this time; she saw the interior, as well, a room which she recognized as hers, a sick bay and people in the beds there.

People she had helped, Erin realized, people who had gone to her like Holtzmann had gone to Rowan after her return to the camp, with injuries and with illnesses, and she had helped each and every one of them.

“Erin!” Holtzmann’s voice finally managed to break through the flood of memories, and judging from the urgency with which the engineer was saying her name, she had been trying to gain her attention for a while, “Erin, sweetheart? Are you okay? Are you here with me?”

“I remember”, Erin blurted out in response, her voice trembling as she clung to Holtzmann, her legs feeling a bit weak still, too; Holtzmann looked taken aback for a moment, then smiled brightly, her concerns fading even further when Erin smiled back at her in reply.

“Remember what, exactly?” Rebecca wanted to know, with mild interest in her voice; Erin took in a deep breath, feeling a bit dizzy now after this onslaught of memories, but managing to steady her voice when she replied, not wanting to make Holtzmann worry again, especially since the blonde’s injury was still bleeding, even though the flow of blood had lessened a bit.

“Everything”, she said, Holtzmann beaming at her again in response as she moved one hand to rub the redhead’s back, “at least I think so. But there are no unsettling gaps in my memory anymore, it all came back when I took a look at Holtzmann’s wound.”

“At the wound?” Holtzmann echoed, raising an eyebrow and making Erin smile slightly again with her next words, “if I had known a wound would trigger your memories, I would have cut my finger or something when I was building the gun. Why the wound?”

“Because I was a doctor”, Erin told her, and had to hold back laughter at how Holtzmann gaped at her in response, “well, I guess I still am, it seems like I remembered it all. You want me to stitch you up?”

“Better say yes”, Rebecca advised before Holtzmann had the chance to say something, “because with Rowan being exiled, we have no doctor, and you don’t want me to stitch you up.”

“It’d be an honour to be stitched up by you”, Holtzmann declared in response, making Erin laugh now after all, her delight at remembering again making her giddy, “Doctor Erin.”

“I think the correct way to address her is Doctor Gilbert”, Rebecca supplied helpfully, the way the corners of her mouth twitched showing Erin that she wasn’t fully serious; and clearly, Holtzmann had seen it too, grinning back at her and making the redhead flush with her response.

“Yeah, for people who are not me”, the engineer said, “but I make out with her regularly, I get to call her Doc Erin.”

“No making out until I stitched you up”, Erin said, while the others snickered at her reddened cheeks; taking pity on her, Rebecca told them all to get out so she could actually get to work, then told Erin she’d wait in front of the house in case the redhead would need anything, something Erin had no worries about though – Rowan had been a traitor, and quite the sleazebag, too, but he had made sure to keep his workplace well stocked.

Rebecca gave her a small, tight smile, then left the building; and all at once, Erin felt nervous even though she knew she could do this, eying the injury with unease now as she hoped that she truly remembered it all and wouldn’t end up making things worse.

* * *

“Alright”, Erin said a short while later, as Holtzmann laid on the examination table – she had tried sitting at first, but that had only aggravated the cut more, and Erin had pointed out that, even with painkillers, stitching the wound up would hurt, and that doing so would be easier if Holtzmann was on her back, “I found some painkillers, at least he kept his things nice and orderly, even if he was traitorous scum. I’m not sure they will help as they’re supposed to, thanks to the drugs you’ve been given for so long, but they should make it a bit easier, and there shouldn’t be any negative side effects.”

“Wow”, Holtzmann gave back, apparently not all too perturbed by the injury and not seeming as if she was in much pain, smirking again as she continued, “you sound more like a doctor than Rowan ever did, and you just remembered all of it. That’s kinda hot.”

“Holtz”, Erin scolded, blushing a bit; Holtzmann just gave her another smirk, and after a moment, the redhead smiled back, then grew serious again as she focused on readying the syringe with the painkiller.

“Alright”, she said once that had been taken care of, “this will hurt a bit, please try not to flinch.”

She took gentle hold of Holtzmann’s arm, using a small piece of cloth and the rubbing alcohol she had found to clean the crook of her arm; thanks to Holtzmann’s rather light skin, it wasn’t hard to find a vein, Holtzmann barely batting an eye when Erin carefully inserted the needle.

_Well, no surprise there,_ the redhead thought to herself as she injected the painkiller, _with how this pig treated her at his camp, the sting of a needle probably means nothing to her._

“Alright”, she said again as she pulled the needle back, eager to distract herself from these thoughts, telling herself that she had to focus on the job at hand now anyway, “this should only take a few minutes to kick in. Do you think you can get your shirt off, or shall I cut it?”

“If you help me get it off, I can do it”, Holtzmann gave back, winking at her and prompting her to roll her eyes, the redhead fully in doctor mode at this point and thus for once not blushing at Holtzmann’s antics.

“You’re on painkillers”, she pointed out as she helped the younger woman out of the shirt, “and hurt, so this is strictly medical and professional.”

“Awww”, Holtzmann let out, Erin shaking her head, giving her an affectionate smile though; then, the shirt was off and she put it aside, then told the blonde to lie back down and to relax so the painkiller had time to kick in while she’d ready everything.

She grumbled about the fact that Rowan apparently hadn’t used gloves, something Holtzmann confirmed when Erin asked her; shaking her head at this lack of proper equipment, Erin made sure to disinfect her hands as thoroughly as possible, Holtzmann watching her every move, looking a bit uneasy by the time she had readied the needle and thread.

“I’ll do this as quickly as possible”, Erin promised her, having picked up on the way the engineer was eying the needle, “and the painkiller should dull it, but if it gets too much, tell me, okay?”

Bravely, Holtzmann nodded, Erin bending over her to kiss her gently and hopefully calmingly before she got to work, slightly nervous at first, the feeling quickly fading though as she quickly realized that her muscle memory apparently had returned along with the memories in her mind, her fingers moving quickly and with ease, as if she never had forgotten anything in the first place.

Despite how fast she found herself able to work, she could tell that it hurt Holtzmann, the painkiller clearly not dulling all of the pain; the engineer was gritting her teeth and holding on to the table tightly, not telling her to stop though, even though her breath was coming in short, pained gasps by the time Erin had finished.

“Done with the stitches”, Erin reassured her, wiping her hands on the nearest bit of cloth she found, still not happy about the lack of gloves, “once you can sit up, I’ll bandage this and then we’re all done.”

She placed one hand on Holtzmann’s arm in an attempt to give her some comfort; earning a weak smile; and a short while later, the engineer told her that she could sit up now, doing so with some help from the doctor, grimacing and breathing heavier again by the time she actually was sitting.

Once again, Erin worked quickly and efficiently, glad that, while Rowan hadn’t had any gloves, he at least had enough clean bandages and patches of soft cloth to let her cover the wound up properly, Holtzmann slumping back down the moment Erin had finished.

“…ow”, she mumbled, earning a look of sympathy from Erin; figuring that the engineer was in no shape to get up yet, the redhead then pulled a chair over to the desk and sat down next to the table, taking hold of Holtzmann’s hand and moving her other hand to rub the other woman’s arm, trying her best to give Holtzmann some comfort and to take some of the pain away.


	19. Wasteland Justice

_You got what you deserved  
Justice has been served_

Once the pain had lessened enough, Holtzmann dared to sit up at first, then got up from the table; she leaned on Erin as they left the building together, not quite surprised to find Rebecca waiting for them outside, the elder woman casting a brief look at the bandage which could be seen through the slash in Holtzmann’s shirt, then raising an eyebrow, the engineer managing a weak smile in response.

“Erin remembered correctly”, she then said, answering the unasked question, “she’s better at it than Rowan, actually. Hurt much less when she was doing it than the few times he stitched me up.”

“Good”, Rebecca replied, giving them both a brief smile, “take it easy for the rest of the day, Jillian. No work unless it’s absolutely necessary. Rowan will stand trial tomorrow, and while I know it won’t be pleasant for you, I want you there as a witness.”

“…sure”, Holtzmann gave back, even though Erin could tell she wasn’t happy with the thought from how the engineer tensed up next to her; she placed one hand on the younger woman’s back in an attempt to show her support, and even though she still felt intimidated by Rebecca, her voice was firm when she spoke up.

“I’d like to be there, too”, she said, not quite daring to make it a demand, but holding Rebecca’s gaze when she looked at her, “he didn’t harm me like he did with Holtzmann, but…”

“Of course you can be there”, Rebecca told her, to her obvious relief, “he took you hostage, and having you there will certainly make it easier for Jillian, too.”

“Totally”, Holtzmann mumbled, earning another small smile from Rebecca; then, her mentor reminded the engineer once more to take it easy before she let her know the trial would happen in the next day at noon, earning a nod from both Erin and Holtzmann.

“I’m surprised he’s getting a trial”, Erin commented once they had gotten moving again and were out of earshot, “the evidence was pretty damning, not to mention the whole taking-me-hostage thing.”

“We always do trials for such crimes”, Holtzmann gave back, shrugging, “a few years ago, a guy stabbed another one during a fight over some booze, right there in the middle of the camp were dozens of people could see, and even he got a trial.”

Figuring that this made sense if the people of the camp wanted order and justice in their lives, even in such a wasteland, Erin nodded thoughtfully; she was quite sure that there was no way Rowan would go free, but still it would be fair to give him a trial, even if he had proven his guilt the moment he had grabbed her as a hostage.

“So”, Holtzmann’s voice distracted her from these thoughts, and prompted her to look at the blonde again, “you just remember your doctor things? Or all the other stuff, too?”

“All of it”, Erin gave back, the couple reaching the engineer’s house as she spoke, and she let Holtzmann enter first, “I was a doctor at the ship, too, and the woman I saw, she was my closest friend there, Abby… the only thing I don’t remember is what happened just before I came back around in the desert, it must have been quite bad for my mind to block it out like that.”

“Ah”, Holtzmann let out, the way she suddenly found it hard to look Erin in the eye telling the doctor that something was making her uncomfortable; suddenly worried, she reached out and touched the engineer’s shoulder, unable to keep the worry out of her voice when she said “Holtz?”.

“It’s just”, Holtzmann mumbled, fidgeting nervously, looking everywhere but at Erin’s face, “are you… you’re gonna go back, and I can’t blame you, but then you’ll be there and I’ll be here and…”

She fell silent and shrugged, and Erin’s heart flew out to her; shaking her head, she stepped closer to the blonde and pulled her into a careful embrace, mindful of her freshly stitched and bandaged wound, glad when Holtzmann’s gaze met hers as she held her close.

“I have to go back there at some point, yes”, she said, not wanting to lie to the engineer, “at least to let them know I’m still alive. But… I don’t want to leave you, either. So I might come back, or we can figure something else out, alright? You mean a lot to me, Holtz, and I want you in my life…”

“You mean a lot to me, too”, Holtzmann mumbled, wrapping both arms around her and, not as mindful of her wound as Erin had been, snuggled closer to her, letting out a content sigh when Erin started rubbing her back soothingly, for the moment forgetting her worries about Erin leaving her to go back home and simply focusing on how good it felt to be so close to her.

* * *

If Holtzmann was nervous about the trial, she hid it remarkably well, Erin thought to herself as they walked there together; she herself felt quite nervous, and was unable to hide it, fingers fidgeting at her sides until Holtzmann noticed and grasped her hand, earning a grateful look for the silent support.

“Don’t worry”, the engineer said, even managing a smile, but now that they were holding hands, Erin could feel the sweat on her palm and realized she wasn’t as unbothered by the trial as she seemed, “he’ll be all tied up and guarded, so he won’t be able to do anything but sit there and take it.”

“Good to know”, Erin mumbled, taking in a deep breath as they reached the building in the centre of the camp, where the trial would be held; Rebecca was already waiting for them at the door, giving them a brief smile as she nodded a greeting, Erin simply returning the gesture while Holtzmann said “Hi” and waved, Erin feeling a bit amazed to see that Rebecca’s smile widened slightly in response, just for a second, but long enough to let her notice.           

“Everything is set up and ready inside”, the elder woman said, gesturing at the door, “it shouldn’t take too long. Are you ready?”

“I guess so”, Holtzmann gave back, and Erin nodded bravely; Rebecca gave them both an encouraging look, then led the way, the couple trailing along behind her, Erin feeling mildly curious now, too, wondering how the trial would be handled.

It was a rather simple set-up, she saw quickly, rows of chairs for the people who wanted to be there, Rowan himself sitting at one of the two wooden tables in the room, his hands chained in front of him, two guards with guns left and right of him, making sure he wouldn’t try anything.

Erin doubted he would have though even if the guards, one man and one woman, hadn’t been there; he looked pale and even a bit sick, and she found herself wondering if he really would be exiled, knowing that being sent out into the wasteland was as good as a death sentence.

She found it hard to feel sorry for him though, after what he had done; after all, she had been there when Holtzmann still had been drugged and dazed and frightened, so terrified of King that at first, she had thought Erin offering to take her along for her escape was some sort of trick to test her.

Holtzmann entered next to her, and if looks could kill, she would have dropped dead from the hateful glare Rowan sent her way; if this affected her in any way, she didn’t let it show though, looking remarkably calm as she took Erin’s hand and walked to the front row with her, but yet again, Erin could feel how sweaty her palms were, squeezing reassuringly and earning a grateful look in response.

At least, Erin thought to herself, Rowan kept quiet, even though he continued looking daggers at Holtzmann; he stopped only when Rebecca walked to sit on the other table close to his and gave him a hard look, his gaze dropping to the table as he fidgeted, stilling though when the female guard cleared her throat.

Several more people entered the building, until the seats were almost all taken; only then, Rebecca cleared her throat, and all talk ceased immediately, Holtzmann gripping Erin’s hand a bit tighter as Rebecca started speaking.

“Rowan”, she said, in a surprisingly neutral tone, considering what the man had been accused of, “you know why you are here today. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“You already all decided I’m guilty, anyway”, he spat in response, “so why are we even doing this? Just get it over with.”

“There’s evidence”, Rebecca told him, keeping her voice even, “some of which you even provided yourself when you took our guest Doctor Gilbert hostage. A truly innocent man would not have reacted this way, don’t you think? Doctor Gilbert, would be our first witness?”

“Um, sure”, Erin gave back, a bit surprised, having been quite sure that Holtzmann would be asked to speak first; the engineer looked a bit forlorn when Erin let go of her hand and moved to sit in the chair readied for the witnesses, trying hard to appear calm and composed, even though she could feel Rowan’s hateful gaze on her now.

“Please tell us what exactly happened in Rowan’s home when the radio was found”, Rebecca said, Erin giving a brief nod before she did exactly that, unable to keep a slight tremble out of her voice when she spoke of how Rowan had grabbed her and had held a scalpel to her throat.

Once this had been recalled, several people in the audience nodding as they had been there to see it, Rebecca asked her how Holtzmann had been when she had seen her for the first time, at King’s camp; Holtzmann looked a bit embarrassed when Erin spoke of the state she had been in when they had first met, her cheeks flushing when the people around shot her sympathetic looks at Erin’s description of how she had acted.

“Thank you”, Rebecca said once she had finished, ending her recollection by telling how long it had taken for Holtzmann to go back to normal after all the drugs she had been given; and once she was done talking, Rebecca thanked her and told her she could sit down again, then asked Holtzmann to testify next.

The engineer looked a bit nervous when she took the seat, but her voice was firm when she talked about how she had been captured during a scavenging trip, how the men had made sure to grab her and hadn’t cared much about the others she had been with.

“And he knew”, she continued, glancing at Rowan, the man looking sulky and even paler at this point, “he knew what I’d been doing here, and my name. Not that he used it much.”

“And they drugged you?” Rebecca asked, sounding much kinder now than she had when she had questioned Erin; Holtzmann gave a tense nod, then told them details about how this had been done, about the collar – and about how King had punished her one day by ruining one of her eyes, the way her face paled at the memory showing how hard this still weighed on her.

“Afterwards, he told me I only need one eye to work for him, anyway”, she added, an audible tremble in her voice now, “and that if I’d make him so angry again, he’d take my ears next, or my tongue. Like he did when he attacked the camp.”

Several people in the audience had been there when that attack had happened, and grimaced; Rebecca nodded, then finished the questioning by asking about what she remembered of Rowan taking Erin hostage and hurting her, and after Holtzmann had told everyone how many stitches had been needed to close the cut, she was allowed to sit down again, letting out a sigh of relief as she sank back into her seat next to Erin.

“You did great”, Erin whispered to her, grasping her hand; Holtzmann gave her a wry, but still somewhat brave smile, Erin smiling back at her as she squeezed her hand, then Rebecca spoke up again, addressing Rowan this time, all of the audience falling silent when she asked him if he had anything left to say.

“I’m not gonna say I’m sorry, because it wouldn’t change anything”, he replied, apparently having given up about lying, “and it would be a lie. I don’t regret it, and if you hadn’t built that damn gun, Holtzmann, I would have gotten my reward by now. Just kill me and get it over with.”

“We won’t kill you”, Rebecca replied, all kindness gone from her voice now, “we will exile you. If you walk fast enough, you might find your friend King and get your reward after all. Get rid of him.”

The male guard poked Rowan with his gun in reply, and he rose from his seat, scowling, but not protesting; they led him off, Erin watching him go, knowing that being sent out into this wasteland was as good as a death sentence, but not able to care much, not after what he had done to Holtzmann, feeling that he had gotten what he deserved and glad that he soon would be gone from the camp.


	20. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's NSFW you guys ;)

_You made me feel I am worth something_  
_You made it easy to believe anything is possible_  
 _All of this is real_  
 _And together we could move the sun_

 

“I know this is an awful thing to say”, Erin said quite a while later, once Rowan had been sent out of the camp and Holtzmann and she had returned to the engineer’s house, “but I’m glad he’s gone, and I hope he never shows his face here again.”

“He won’t”, Holtzmann gave back, earning a grim smile from the doctor, “because if he does, he’ll be shot on sight. All the guards know he’s been exiled, so if he’s dumb enough to come back here…”

Erin wondered if he would come back just for that reason, if he might prefer getting shot to starving or dying of thirst out there in the wasteland; then, she shrugged those thoughts off, not really caring about the man’s fate, and nodded, smiling a much kinder smile when Holtzmann stepped closer to her and wrapped both arms around her.

“I’m glad you were there with me”, the engineer mumbled as Erin returned the embrace, “I’m not sure I could have kept my calm without you there. Thank you.”

“You would have”, Erin reassured her, earning a doubtful look from the younger woman, which prompted her to elaborate, “you’re so much stronger than you think you are, Holtz, you’ve been through so much and didn’t let any of it break you. Not everyone would have made it out of there as sane and stable as you.”

“Ha”, Holtzmann let out, smiling a bit again, to Erin’s relief, “I bet there are people in this camp who’d tell you I’ve never been sane and stable to begin with.”

Erin just smiled, and shrugged, then pulled her closer for a gentle kiss; said kiss soon turned heated though, and the doctor found herself unable to hold back a moan muffled by Holtzmann’s mouth on hers when she felt the engineer’s hand slide beneath her shirt and caress her back.

They hadn’t done much more than kissing and cuddling so far, Erin not wanting to push Holtzmann into something she might not be ready for after her captivity; clearly though, the engineer felt quite ready for certain things now, another moan coming from the redhead when her hand slid down to give her butt a firm squeeze.

She reacted by bringing up her thigh between Holtzmann’s legs and applying pressure, smiling against the other woman’s mouth when she heard her gasp; spurred on by this positive reaction, she moved her hands beneath Holtzmann’s shirt, as well, letting her fingertips follow the line of the engineer’s spine, earning yet another gasp in reply.

Without breaking the kiss, Holtzmann applied gentle pressure and made her move back, until she bumped against the bed they had shared ever since they had arrived at the camp; tightening her embrace around Holtzmann slightly, Erin let herself fall back, pulling the blonde along with her so that Holtzmann ended up on top of her, the engineer pulling back from the kiss to run her tongue over the other woman’s throat and making her moan again.

“Maybe”, Erin gasped as Holtzmann pushed up her shirt, and focused her attentions on her breasts, with her mouth and fingers, “maybe we should… lock the door…”

“Don’t wanna stop and get up”, Holtzmann mumbled against her breast, then her lips closed around her nipple again and Erin forgot all about the possibility of someone walking in and interrupting them, arching her back as the engineer moved her tongue quite skilfully, another moan escaping her as a shudder ran through her.

With her memories having come back, there also had been the realization that she hadn’t done anything like this for quite a while, not having had a partner like this back at the ship on the sand; and while perhaps she hadn’t missed it there, she was eager to have it now, signalling her need by pressing her hips up against Holtzmann’s, groaning when the engineer just raised her head to look at her.

“I’m all for foreplay on any other day”, she told the blonde, making her smirk, “but right now, I just want to… you know. Please?”

“Your wish is my command”, Holtzmann smirked, and Erin shuddered at the mere thought; Holtzmann pulled back a bit and Erin lifted her hips so the engineer could pull off her pants, a happy, drawn out “oh yes” leaving her lips when Holtzmann slid her hand between her legs.

Realizing that louder moans might get unwanted attention, Holtzmann moved to kiss her, and it had been smart to do so, she quickly realized as she moved her fingers – because even with her mouth on Erin’s, the doctor was rather loud, trembling at her touch, and only growing louder when Holtzmann quickly figured out what she liked and how to best move her fingers to get the most satisfying results.

She always had been good with her hands, no matter if she was building things or discovering how to touch a woman to bring her close to the edge and then push her over it.

She made sure to keep kissing her, so nobody outside would hear her moans; and at the end, when Holtzmann found the exactly right spot and applied just the right amount of pressure, Erin not just moaned, but _screamed_ , loud enough that Holtzmann worried someone had heard after all and would come to check and make sure they were okay.

Apparently though, if someone had heard, they figured out what was going on and knew better than to come look; and so, once Erin had come down from the orgasm, she quickly recovered her strength and flipped them over so that she was on top of Holtzmann, smiling down on her as she moved one hand to pull up the engineer’s shirt.

“Your turn”, was all she had to say to make Holtzmann breathe heavier; she took another second to smile at the engineer, then leaned down to kiss her, letting her hand slide further south simultaneously, and quite soon, Holtzmann was the one to have her moans muffled as Erin turned out to be almost just as skilled at this kind of activity as she herself was.

* * *

In the next morning, Erin was the first to wake up, lying halfway on Holtzmann, the engineer still snoring audibly beneath her; they were both naked beneath the thin blanket, and it felt so good to have Holtzmann’s nude body against her own that Erin felt more relaxed than she had in months, holding back a content sigh as she didn’t want to wake Holtzmann up.

For a while, she just laid there, enjoying the feeling of Holtzmann’s chest rising and falling beneath her, of hearing her heart beat; only now, as she felt relaxed and content and happy, she fully realized that the threats to the camp’s safety had been taken care of, with Rowan having been discovered as the traitor and King still somewhere out there with the few men he’d still had left after the failed attack, out in the wasteland with no cars, no supplies and no water.

Holtzmann stirred beneath her, as if she somehow had picked up on the fact that Erin was thinking about the men who had betrayed and tormented her; she let out an oddly adorable grunting noise, then opened her eye and blinked sleepily, looking so cute that Erin almost squealed.

“Good morning”, she said instead of making an undignified noise, smiling brightly and earning a just as bright smile in response, Holtzmann clearly feeling as good as Erin, “slept well?”

“Very well, after such an amazing night with such an amazing woman”, Holtzmann told her, making her smile and blush a bit; she reassured her that she could return that compliment, then the couple shared a slow, gentle kiss, Erin snuggling closer to Holtzmann again afterwards, not quite ready to get up yet.

“I feel so good”, she sighed after just enjoying Holtzmann’s embrace for a while, the engineer having moved one hand to gently rub her back, “it’s been quite a while since I… felt like this.”

“So there won’t be an angry and jealous boyfriend or girlfriend back at your ship home?” Holtzmann wanted to know, her smirk showing that she wasn’t fully serious, “that is good to know.”

“Of course not”, Erin gave back, lightly swatting at her shoulder, “I would have told you if there had been! Speaking of my home though…”

“Yeah, we should go there at some point”, Holtzmann quickly caught on, “just so they know you’re still alive. And maybe so you can finally find out what happened before you came back around in the desert, you still don’t remember that, do you?”

Erin shook her head, grimacing, at this point not quite sure anymore if she actually wanted to remember, figuring that it had to have been something quite awful; she remembered all the blood on her clothes, and the fact that she herself hadn’t been hurt, knowing even without remembering that this only could mean bad things.

“I’ll go with you, if you want me to”, Holtzmann offered, distracting her from these thoughts; she smiled immediately and nodded, then belatedly realized that perhaps, the people of the camp wouldn’t be so happy if she took Holtzmann on this trip with her, so shortly after the engineer had made her return to the camp.

“But you might be needed here”, she thus pointed out, face falling a bit, “what if people won’t want you to come with me?”

“I’ve been gone for almost a year and things worked fine”, Holtzmann shrugged off her protest, “they’ll be alright with me going on a trip, especially if it’s with you. They all know that I would still be chained in that shed, if it hadn’t been for you.”

This made Erin smile again, and she shrugged, still not willing to take any praise for helping get Holtzmann out of there; she reached up and gently trailed her fingertips over the faint scarring on Holtzmann’s throat where the collar had chaffed, taking note of how the engineer swallowed noticeably, her cheeks flushing, showing that her reaction had been quite positive.

“So”, Holtzmann said before Erin could comment on this, waggling her eyebrows and making Erin giggle, “you up for a private breakfast before we go have one with food?”

As an answer, Erin kissed her, and pulled her closer; and soon, all her worries about what people might think of her taking Holtzmann along on her trip were forgotten as Holtzmann successfully distracted her with much nicer things.


	21. Homecoming, Again

_I’ve been gone, I’ve been lost_  
_But now_  
 _I’m coming home_

Rebecca wasn’t surprised, but not happy, either, when Holtzmann told her about the plans of Erin and her, that she wanted to go with the redhead to the ship on the sand; she sighed as the engineer explained why she thought it was a good idea, then gave them both a look of dismay, Erin fighting the urge to fidget nervously at the woman’s stern gaze.

“You know I’m not happy about this, Jillian”, she said, earning a somewhat sheepish smile from the engineer, “having you leave again so shortly after you returned to us. But I also know that you won’t give in until I agree, so I might as well agree now and spare myself the pouting and begging.”

“You know me well”, Holtzmann smirked, and there was something affectionate about Rebecca’s eyeroll; Erin dared a small, shy smile of her own, and while Rebecca didn’t smile back, she sounded a bit kinder when she spoke up again, to the doctor’s relief.

“You can take one of our cars, of course”, she let the couple know, “and all the supplies you will need. Please, do be careful, even with King and Rowan gone, there are other dangerous groups and gangs out there.”

“We’ll be careful”, Erin reassured her, glad that she wouldn’t have to make the trip alone or with someone she barely knew, not wanting to leave Holtzmann behind – and certainly not after the night of intimacy she had shared with the engineer, “I’ll make sure Holtz doesn’t do anything reckless.”

“Good luck with that”, Rebecca dryly gave back, earning an indignant “Hey!” from the blonde; she gave Holtzmann a brief, tight smile, then apparently accepted the decision, simply asking Holtzmann when she thought they would be back.

“I don’t know”, Holtzmann replied, giving Erin a brief, slightly nervous look, one which Rebecca didn’t miss, but didn’t comment on, “it’ll take us two to three days to get there, if we drive all night and rest during the day, and then Erin probably will want to stay for a while…”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed, “if only to let my friends there know where I have been and what I’ve been doing. But it shouldn’t be longer than two weeks, travel time included.”

Rebecca also noticed Holtzmann’s relief about those words, but again didn’t comment; she just nodded, then told them again to be careful, and to bring weapons, the engineer grinning in response, a hint of mischief in her good eye when she replied.

“Oh, no worries about that”, she said, Rebecca smiling as she knew that certain tone well, “the six barrel gun wasn’t the only project I’ve been working on.”

At this point, both Erin and Rebecca knew better than to ask, and so, they just nodded, Erin giving her a proud smile as she grasped her hand and squeezed it tenderly; Holtzmann beamed back at her at once, and even though she had no idea yet what the engineer had come up with, Erin just knew it would be fine and would work just perfectly, smiling back at her as she felt good and confident about the upcoming journey.

* * *

Already in the next evening, the couple was ready to go, Holtzmann agreeing with Erin that they should get moving as fast as possible; Holtzmann had spent a few hours working on the car Rebecca had assigned to them, while Erin had taken care of getting supplies – and reassuring the worried camp people that she would bring Holtzmann back in one piece and safe – and once the sun had begun to set, they were ready to get moving, Holtzmann looking proud as she led Erin to the car.

“Check this out”, she said, gesturing at a complicated looking contraption mounted to the car’s roof, Erin needing a moment to figure out what it was, properly impressed when she did so though, “anyone tries to chase us, we’ll take care of them with this baby.”

It was a harpoon, Erin could tell now, a long, thick steel cable connecting it to the mechanism from where it could be fired, complete with a winch so it could be pulled back and could be used more than once; and even though it was obvious that Holtzmann had made the harpoon and the rest of it herself, it was wicked sharp, the tip glinting in the fading sunlight, and Erin, ever the doctor, didn’t want to imagine what damage it could do, should it hit a human body instead of a car part.

“We can sit side by side during the drive”, Holtzmann added to her explanation, distracting her from those thoughts, “but I can climb up to shoot it, should it be necessary. You’re the better driver, also shooting is probably easier than driving with no depth perception, so I’d suggest I shoot. I always squeezed my eye shut to aim anyway.”

She smiled a slightly wry smile, and for a moment, Erin saw the pain in her gaze as the dark memories of what had happened to her eye plagued her; then, the doctor could practically see her shake those memories off, and while she knew that repressing it wouldn’t be good, not in the long run, she knew better than to try to get Holtzmann to talk.

“Sounds like a plan”, she thus just said, but reached out and touched Holtzmann’s arm, in a quiet reassurance that she was there and willing to listen, should Holtzmann be ready to talk; Holtzmann gave her another lopsided smile, then answered her unasked question by hopping into the passenger seat of the car, and Erin took the driver seat, the engine staring at once and with a satisfying, low rumble, another sign for the work Holtzmann had done on the vehicle.

Rebecca was at the gate when they drove up to it and waited for it to open, telling them once more to be careful; and then, they drove out of the camp, and if Holtzmann was nervous about leaving the relative safety of it, about going back to the outside from where she had been kidnapped and had been dragged off to hellish captivity for a year, she didn’t let it show, looking rather calm and composed as she watched the sandy landscape pass by.

She knew the way to the ship on the sand, she had told Erin, and so, she not only was on the lookout for cars coming after them, but told her where to go, too; they drove through the whole night, and just like when they had escaped from King’s camp, they found shelter just before sundown, hiding from the sun in a cave, making Erin think back to their frantic escape and their drive to Holtzmann’s home.

Unlike during that drive though, nobody came after them this time, and the harpoon didn’t need to be used; just like Holtzmann had guessed, it took them three nights of driving from sundown to sunset, and just when the sun started to appear on the horizon on the fourth day of their trip, they saw the ship in the distance, Erin’s heart leaping to her throat in excitement.

Now she knew how Holtzmann had felt, she thought to herself, when they had made it back to her camp; she was unable to hold back a happy smile, and Holtzmann grinned at her as she noticed, even letting out a burst of laughter when Erin stepped down on the gas pedal, suddenly unable to keep to a reasonable speed, glad that there was only sand around them.

“Slow down”, the engineer still called out, raising her voice a bit to be heard over the thrum of the engine, “or they will think we want to attack them, we do have a bigass harpoon mounted to the roof!”

Erin had to admit to herself that this made sense, and slowed down again; apparently though, they had been noticed, as people appeared on what had been the ship’s deck when it still had been sailing, some of them holding weapons, but none of them aiming at the car, not yet.

She kept driving, until they were close enough that her voice would be heard, then she stopped the car and leaned out to wave, raising her voice just to make sure she’d be audible as she called out that it was her and that she had brought a friend.

The people watching them reacted to her voice at once, some chatting amongst each other excitedly while others ran off, possibly to inform those in charge that Doctor Gilbert was back; and not long after, a gate rattled open in the ship’s hull, and Erin could drive inside, the doctor feeling excited again as she stepped on the gas pedal once more, making sure to be careful though as she steered the vehicle inside, not wanting to damage the ship or the car.

And just like when Holtzmann had come home, and Rebecca had ran out to meet her, somewhere was there to meet Erin as well, her two closest friends, as she remembered by now; the smaller of the two, not only smaller than her companion, but also than Erin herself, was crying, and the taller one seemed to be struggling against tears too, smiling brightly as Erin stopped the car and hopped out of it.

“Erin, babygirl!” she then cried out, while the shorter woman just hurried to meet Erin and pulled her into a hug; and as the other woman joined the embrace, Erin felt her own eyes water, too, knowing that she had come home.


	22. Time Apart

_One shall stay_  
_One shall go_  
 _But we shall not be apart_  
 _For all too long_

“Holtzmann, this is Abby”, Erin made introductions once the tearful reunion was more or less over, gesturing to the smaller of the two women, her clothes and the tool belt she wore showing that she was some sort of mechanic or perhaps an engineer, too, “one of my best friends. And this is Patty, my other best friend. Abby, Patty, this is Holtzmann, my girlfriend.”

“Your girlfriend”, Abby echoed, looking so surprised that Holtzmann wondered if Erin never had shown that kind if inclination towards the same sex, while Erin blushed a bit, “well, that is a surprise almost as big as the fact that you just show up out of the blue weeks after you went missing! No offense Holtzmann, Erin just never has shown much interest into the romantic aspects of life.”

“There just wasn’t the right person around”, Erin defended herself, making Abby snicker, “apparently, I had to wake up with amnesia in the desert and find Holtzmann in a bad guy’s camp to get interested in those aspects of life, as you put it.”

“Long story”, Holtzmann shrugged at the curious look Patty shot her, not feeling like speaking of the horrible year she had spent there to two total strangers; to her relief, the tall woman accepted this and just smiled and nodded, then gave her a critical look, tsk-ing and shaking her head as she took her in.

“You’re way too thin, honey”, she then said, “come with me, I’ll get you some proper food, I bet you only ate canned goods and dried meats on your way here. Kevin will whip something up for you, he’s dumb as a rock, but an awesome cook, and then Abby and Erin will have time to catch up.”

“…okay”, Holtzmann gave back, after a brief glance at Erin, the doctor smiling her in quiet reassurance that it was okay; eager to not make her feel abandoned, Erin told her that she wouldn’t take long and would find her in the cafeteria, and so, Holtzmann let it happen that Patty led her off, the tall woman chatting excitedly about Kevin’s cooking skills as they walked off.

“I’m so happy you’re back”, Abby said, making Erin focus on her, looking as if she was close to tears again, “what happened?! Where have you been?”

“I’m not sure what happened”, Erin had to admit, still not remembering what had happened to cause her amnesia, “I… blacked out? At some point and came back around in the desert, all bloody and having no idea about anything.”

She gave a quick summary of what had happened to her, of how King’s men had picked her up and had taken her to the camp; Abby looked impressed when she talked about Holtzmann and her escaping from there, and relieved when she told her that she had regained her memories upon seeing Holtzmann’s wound.

“While I’m sorry your girl had to get hurt for that to happen, I’m happy you remember”, Abby told her, pulling her in for another hug, “when you didn’t come back from that emergency call… You remember nothing of that? Of the scavengers calling for help and you headed out to them?”

“No”, Erin declined, “the last thing I remember is getting out of bed here one day, then there’s nothing for a while, and then I came back around in the desert. Whatever happened, it must have been quite bad.”

Abby grimaced and nodded, then smiled, nudging Erin slightly and making her raise an eyebrow, only for the doctor’s cheeks to colour at what her best friend said next, the blush caused by both her words and the hint of mischief in her voice.

“But even when you’re without memories, you have a helpful nature”, Abby said, “getting Holtzmann out of there. Or did you find her… interesting right from the start?”

“No”, Erin gave back with a roll of her eyes, making Abby snicker, “she was drugged and a bit strange. That only happened later. Speaking of her, I should go find her…”

Abby nodded her agreement, and they walked together, to the ship’s cantina; and once there, they almost missed Holtzmann at first glance, the engineer halfway hidden behind the plate piled high with food of all sorts, Kevin apparently having taken it seriously when Patty had told him that Holtzmann needed a lot of food.

“Am I glad you’re here”, Holtzmann greeted them, lips already glistening with grease from the sausages she had begun her feast with, “there is no way I can eat all of that on my own.”

“Keep eating”, Patty encouraged her, prompting her to take another bite of sausage, “you’re way too thin. I can count your ribs through your shirt!”

This was an exaggeration, Erin knew, but she also knew Patty, and the woman’s caring nature; and so, it came as no surprise when she was told that Patty had taken over her work during the time she had been missing, not a doctor herself, but knowing enough to do a proper job, after she had been Erin’s assistant for years already before the redhead had lost her memories.

“This place is awesome”, Holtzmann let Erin know between bites, making her smile while Abby looked quite proud, having done a lot of the work on the ship herself ever since she had been old enough to hold tools, “one could make so many amazing things here. Like cannons! Cannons on deck!”

“Holtzmann, no”, Erin said, shaking her head while Abby raised an eyebrow, clearly not as averse to the thought; Holtzmann just grinned and shrugged, then took another large bite, the blissful look on her face making Patty smile proudly.

“You know, that idea might not be so bad”, Abby said, earning an alarmed look from the doctor, but skilfully ignoring it, “King and his guys might be gone, but we all know that doesn’t mean that we’ll never be attacked again. Erin said you built a working Gatling gun which fires scrap metal?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann gave back, proud, “and a harpoon for the car. I didn’t get to test that yet, no one attacked us on the drive here, but it works, not to brag, but everything I build works.”

“We should talk some time”, Abby beamed at her, and Erin had to hold back a groan, knowing where this talk would lead, “come to my workshop some time soon?”

“Sure”, Holtzmann shrugged, figuring that she might as well keep busy during her stay there; Erin just sighed, not trying to talk either of them out of it, knowing them both well enough to know it wouldn’t lead anywhere, and judging from how they both snickered in response, she was right, finding herself smiling with them, feeling happy and content all at once, sure that things would work out just fine.

* * *

For the next few days, the couple stayed at the ship, Holtzmann helping out Abby – to Erin’s relief not building cannons with her after all – while Erin got back to her work as a doctor, not that she had much to do after the good job Patty had been doing; and in the evenings, they spent time together, sometimes with Abby and Patty, sometimes just the two of them, and spoke of the future, of how they would handle things with the different camps and their homes being a few days of travelling apart.

“We can make it work”, Erin felt more confident about the distance than Holtzmann did, the engineer worrying quite a bit more about the future than the doctor, “maybe spend a few months here and a few months at your camp? And with King gone, we can send runners back and forth again, or maybe you can build some radios we can use, we can figure something out. We’ll be together.”

“I hope you’re right”, Holtzmann sighed, resting in her arms after a day spent working with Abby, the work making her feel as good as it always had – even when she had been King’s captive, working had made her feel good, had taken her mind off her situation, “cause I don’t want to lose you, like ever.”

“And I don’t want to lose you”, Erin reassured her; and just when they shared a gentle kiss, someone knocked the door, the doctor grumbling under her breath as she pulled back, sounding calm and composed though when she called out “Yes?”.

“Hey”, Abby said as she poked her head into the room, “sorry to interrupt, but Holtzmann, there’s a runner from your camp, asking for you.”

Holtzmann was quite surprised by this, momentarily suspecting a sort of trap, but when Erin and she followed Abby, the man she led them to turned out to be someone she did know from her camp; and he looked relieved to see her, an emotion which was easily explained when he told them why he was there, the water system having broken down back at the engineer’s camp.

“Ah damn”, Holtzmann sighed, “guess that’s what happens if it’s not maintained for a year. I’ll come back with you, we should go right now… Erin, I’ll come back when I fixed it?”

Erin would have preferred to go with her, but also wanted to spend more time at the ship, with her closest friends; and so, she told herself that Holtzmann would be back soon, and nodded bravely, pulling her in for a brief kiss and holding her close, suddenly feeling like crying when she felt Holtzmann return the embrace.

“Come back soon”, she mumbled into the engineer’s ear, “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too”, Holtzmann told her, kissing her again before she cleared her throat and pulled back; and for a moment, Erin almost stopped her, told her that she would go back with her, but held the words back, telling herself that she still had things to do at the ship and that Holtzmann would come back quickly.

And so, she let her go, and tried hard for the next few days to not think about her too much, even though she missed her every minute, especially at night, when she was alone in her room; she worked, and kept busy, and taught Patty the few things she still needed to learn, for the time she would be gone again, back at Holtzmann’s home.

A few days went by like that, Abby and Patty making sure to keep Erin busy as much as they could, easily able to tell how much she was missing Holtzmann; and so, when another runner was announced, she was giddy and happy, rushing to meet the new arrival, just sure that it would be one of the other camp’s members bringing Holtzmann back.

When she saw that the man was alone, and how pale he was, her heart plummeted all the way to her stomach before he even opened his mouth.

“Something happened”, he said, before Erin had the chance to ask, “they never made it back to the camp. We went to look, two of us, and found…”

He fell silent and had to swallow heavily, and Erin wanted to grab him and shake him; she remained perfectly still though, waited for him to go on, barely noticing how Abby put one hand on her back, in an attempt to help her keep her calm, grateful for the silent support when the runner finally continued.

“We found a body”, he said, and Erin’s worst fears came true, “and the car was gone.”


	23. Fury and Blood

_Unbent, unbowed, unbroken_  
_Can’t you feel the rage?_  
 _When the fury calls_  
 _I will be the first in line_

“The body”, Erin broke the silence at last, her voice oddly dry, and she was the one who had to swallow now before she could go on, “was it…?”

“I don’t know”, the runner replied, wringing his hands, “we couldn’t tell, there was… so much damage…”

“Take me there”, Erin demanded at once, Abby rubbing her back soothingly at this point, “now. I know you must be tired from the journey but I need to know.”

The man just nodded, as if he had expected that; and while Abby understood Erin’s need to get moving as fast as possible, she insisted on arming a small group and sending them with her, arguing that, if Holtzmann’s runner had been attacked, the same might happen to this new group, and Erin knew that she was right.

She was eager to get moving, but told herself to be patient, and that it wouldn’t take long; and a short while later, the group had been chosen and had been given weapons, and they all headed out, using two cars, Erin riding with the runners from Holtzmann’s camp and the ship’s group close behind them.

They drove at high speed, but still it seemed to take forever, Erin feeling anxious and worried the whole time; she wondered what she would do if the body would turn out to be Holtzmann, and what she would do if it wasn’t.

_I can’t lose her,_ she thought to herself as she stared at the sand all around them, sitting perfectly still, nothing of her anxious thoughts showing through her features or body language, _I can’t. I need her. I can’t lose her. Please, I can’t._

Her thoughts kept going in circles like this, and she barely noticed how much time had passed when finally, the driver slowed down, and pointed the body out to her, the motionless figure lying on bloody sand; and even though said body had been horribly mutilated, Erin almost cried from sheer relief, just from seeing how different the clothing was to what Holtzmann had been wearing when she had left.

“It’s not Holtz”, she said at the questioning look the driver shot her, “it… it must be the guy who came to pick her up… but if her body isn’t here and the car isn’t…”

“Someone took the car”, the driver finished for her, while the group from the ship stopped next to them and Abby hopped out, hurrying over to hear what Erin and the driver were talking about, just in time to hear Erin’s conclusion, her eyes going wide.

“Someone took the car”, the doctor repeated, her voice toneless now as the full truth of what had happened hit home, “and Holtzmann too. We never found King’s body, did we? No one ever saw him dead.”

“You think he took her again?” Abby wanted to know, horrified – she didn’t know many details of what Holtzmann had endured there, but she knew enough, had seen the eyepatch and the scars, feeling sick when Erin nodded, her face pale now.

“Why would anyone else take her”, she said, unable to keep her voice from trembling now, “and not the driver? Whoever did this knew her, knew what she can do… like the first time she got grabbed…”

She felt like throwing up at the thought of her girlfriend in this man’s hands again; and to her relief, Abby took charge, quickly realizing that, while Erin wanted to do something, she was in no state to make plans, taking over for her quickly and efficiently.

“You”, she said to the driver from Holtzmann’s camp, “go back to your camp. Gather people with weapons. Meet us about two hours south of King’s camp, we’ll hit them fast and hard, get her out.”

“Get me a weapon, too”, Erin said, earning a look of surprise from Abby – she never had been one to get into fights before, being a doctor and all, only out to help people; noticing the glance, Erin gave her a flat look, then shrugged, sounding remarkably calm, considering what she was saying.

“She might be hurt”, she let the others know, Abby grimacing as she realized that her best friend was right, “knowing this man, she _will_ be hurt. She’ll need a doctor. She’ll need…”

“You”, Abby finished for her, making her nod as her throat now was too tight to let her speak; and just like that, it was decided, and Erin moved to the ship’s car while the drivers of the other one sped back to Holtzmann’s camp, eager to get started with the simple, but effective plan Abby had come up with.

* * *

Holtzmann had forgotten how much it hurt to have her hands tied behind her back for days, and she wished she never would have had to remember.

She was on her knees, again, in King’s hut, again, his fist in her hair, keeping her head steady, keeping her down, again; the time he had spent in the desert had melted much of his bulk away, but he was still tall, and strong, and his rage at her gave him some extra strength.

“Just like the old days, huh”, he rasped, voice hoarser than it had been after days in the desert, without much food or drink, and she wondered what he had eaten and what he had drank, there was so little out there, but the men he still had left were less than there had been when they had ran from their camp, and she didn’t want to think about what that might mean.

Rowan was still there, thinner than he had been, too, gaunt and looking a bit ill; there was no sympathy in his eyes though, just a certain smugness, and she hated him, almost as much as she was hating the man standing beside her.

“Remember that?” King wanted to know, giving her hair a harsh yank when she didn’t react fast enough to his liking, “the last time we were here like that? You were bleeding all over my pretty floor.”

Holtzmann didn’t respond, and he snickered, unimpressed by her silence; still keeping a tight grip on her hair, he moved slightly, crouching in front of her, facing her, reaching up to grasp her jaw with his free hand, an oddly gentle touch.

“You screamed, too”, he said, the cruel glint she knew all too well back in his eyes, “when I took your eye, and when we collared you. And you’ll scream again.”

He straightened up again, still not letting go of her hair, taking no risks, and nodded to one of the few men he had left; and in response, the blowtorch hissed to life, and Holtzmann swallowed heavily, knowing what would come next.

They’d weld the chain to the new collar first, so it would be firm and secure, and then they would put the collar around her neck, and it would be cold at first, but then it would be hot, when they’d weld it shut, hot and burning her, hurting her, hurting her worse than his fists and feet had during the drive back to his camp, whenever he had felt like hitting her or kicking her.

“Watch”, King told her, his grip on her hair tightening even further until she was quite sure he’d rip off her scalp any moment, “or I’ll take your tongue. Rowan will help me, you know, he knows how to cut it out without having you bleed to death.”

“I know other things, too”, Rowan helpfully supplied, from somewhere behind her now, King’s grip on her hair not allowing her to turn her head so she could look at him, “we can hurt you a lot without killing or even crippling you.”

“You’ll die”, Holtzmann brought out in response, for the first time addressing him since she had been captured again, “when they come. They will know you took me. They’ll come.”

“They might”, King replied, “but we’ll be ready. We’ll give them a proper welcome, you might even hear it, from your place in the shed.”

“We have weapons”, Rowan felt the need to pipe up again as well, “and I know how they work when they attack.”

“His knowledge has been very helpful indeed”, King smirked, “and will be in the future, I imagine. If only to keep you alive so you can do your work for me.”

“Alive, but not well”, Rowan snickered, and her hate for him only grew; she kept quiet though, only her fists clenching tighter behind her back as she could feel the all too familiar dull rage begin to grow in her chest.

It was dull, for now, but she knew that it would grow hot and sharp, and on any other day, under different circumstances, she would have tried to stop it, but she didn’t now, welcomed it instead.

“We’re done, Boss”, the man who had been busy welding called out, lifting the collar, the chain dangling down to the floor; King nodded and made a vague gesture at Holtzmann with his free hand, still making sure to keep a tight grip on her hair.

“Get it on her then”, he said impatiently, “there is a lot of work to be done, the sooner we get her back to the shed, the better. And then make the other one.”

Holtzmann had a moment to wonder why he would need a second collar, the rage growing when the man approached her and put the cold metal around her throat; and it only grew further when King answered her unasked question, unaware that he was causing his doom with his own words.

“The other one is for your pretty redhead friend”, he smirked, while the other man made sure that the collar would be tight enough so Holtzmann couldn’t slip out of it, “once we killed the others, I’ll take her for myself. I’ll enjoy her for a few nights, and when she starts to bore me, I’ll chain her to the hood of my car, to remind everyone of what happens when you cross me. Perhaps you’ll even get to see her again when I make you do the welding. You’ll hear her, at least, when I’ll enjoy her at night.”

The rage grew bright and hot, whitened out her world, and she did nothing to stop it, she welcomed it, fed it, imagined King’s hands on her Erin to make it even stronger.

“King”, she heard Rowan say, alarm in his voice, but it was too late, too late to stop her, and the man with the collar shrank back as she roared

and she grabbed the chain

and they screamed

and ran

and her world was drenched in red.


	24. Remains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some blood in this chapter, nothing too wild I guess, just a little heads-up ;)

_Premonition of death_  
_The final hour_  
 _The last remains_  
 _Rest in peace_

 

“I have a bad feeling about this”, Abby whispered, grasping the gun tighter as they snuck to the camp’s gate; Rebecca nodded her agreement, straining her ears to hear something, _anything_ , as they approached, not liking how dark and quiet the place was.

Behind her, Erin could feel her palms begin to sweat as she wondered what they would do if King hadn’t returned to this place, how they should ever find them then, in this endless wasteland.

It had surprised her a bit that Rebecca had been among the group which had come from Holtzmann’s camp, but at second thought, she should have known that the engineer’s mentor would be there; and judging from how the other woman was gripping her weapon and had set her jaw, she was determined to do anything to get Holtzmann out, but that resolve might be useless if Holtzmann wasn’t there in the first place.

The gate was still damaged from when Holtzmann had driven the stolen car through it, Erin saw, relieved about how this made getting in easier; the darkness in the camp and how quiet is was worried her though, and she could feel her heart beat faster as they snuck through the area, all of them surprisingly quiet, considering they were almost a dozen people.

“Let’s check his hut first”, Erin whispered, the others nodding; she led the way, and as she reached the hut’s door, the sand suddenly felt different beneath her feet, oddly squelchy and moist, prompting her to pause as she glanced down, her heart beating even faster when she saw that blood had trickled out from beneath the door and was wetting the sand.

“Oh jeez”, she heard one of the men from the ship whisper behind her, but didn’t let it stop her; she took in a slow, controlled breath, then pushed the door open, and nearly staggered, the smell of blood and other, even less pleasant bodily fluids suddenly so strong that it even made her gag.

Then she got a good look at the hut’s inside, and she couldn’t blame the man behind her for yelping and then retching noisily.

She was a doctor, and had seen many gruesome things over the years, but the sight was hard to stomach even for her, and at the first look, she couldn’t even tell how many bodies there were, with blood everywhere.

Her gaze moved over the dead bodies, took in their wounds with professional, clinical detachment; and then, she saw a flash of movement at the far back of the hut, and her heart leapt up to her throat as her eyes met Holtzmann’s.

The engineer sat huddled against the wall farthest from the door, her body so tense that Erin was surprised she wasn’t actually vibrating; and at the first glance, Erin couldn’t even tell if she was hurt or not, covered in blood as she was, practically drenched in the stuff, from her face all the way down to her thighs.

“Put your weapons down”, Rebecca sharply said behind Erin, realizing faster what had happened than Erin herself did, “and don’t move fast or towards her.”

The group hurried to do as she had said, even though they had no idea what was going on; not sure if she could dare to approach Holtzmann, Erin gave Rebecca a helpless look, the other woman nodding briefly in response, figuring that, if anyone but herself could dare to move closer, it’d be the doctor.

Without looking away from Holtzmann, Erin handed her weapon to Abby, not breaking eye contact for a second; raising her hands to show that she was unarmed, Erin took a careful step closer while Rebecca stepped back outside, taking the others with her, until it was just Erin, Holtzmann and the dead bodies in the hut.

As Erin took another step closer, she moved past an exceptionally tall body, and recognized him as King; another look let her notice the chain slung around his neck, so tight that some of the links weren’t even visible, embedded too deeply into his flesh, and the collar at the chain’s end, giving her a pretty good idea of what had happened.

“Holtz”, she said, trying her best to keep her voice calm and steady, by now able to tell that Holtzmann was still stuck in the frenzy which had given her the strength to kill them all, “it’s alright. It’s me, Erin.”

Holtzmann let out a noise in reply, an odd sound which was almost a growl, and moved into a sort of crouch, as if she was getting ready to pounce; Erin stopped at once, and kept her hands up, hiding the flash of fear she had felt at the reaction quite well.

“It’s me”, she said again, not quite sure if it was the right thing to say, but hoping that her voice alone would be enough to help, “you don’t have to… fight anymore, okay? They’re all gone, nobody’s going to hurt you.”

Holtzmann relaxed a tiny bit as she kept talking, and she figured that she was doing something right; and so, she kept talking, daring to take another step forward, glad when this time, Holtzmann had no negative reaction.

“We came to rescue you, Abby and Rebecca and me and some others”, she said, “when we found out what happened, we sent for help from your camp and then came here. I’m sorry it took so long, we would have come sooner if we had known, but now we’re here, and you’ll be okay.”

She took another step closer, glad when Holtzmann relaxed a bit more; daring to smile at her, Erin moved yet another step, speaking on, eager to get the engineer out of her rage.

“We’ll leave this place, and never come back here”, she promised, “we’ll go back to the ship, or to your camp, whatever you prefer, and there we’ll be together, and happy. Okay? You and me, okay? Like we said.”

She took a few more steps, closing the distance between Holtzmann and herself, and went down on her knees in front of the engineer; this was dangerous, she knew, putting her in the perfect position to let Holtzmann easily get at her throat, but she trusted the blonde, and was sure that Holtzmann wouldn’t hurt her.

“Come back to me, please”, she said, daring to reach out and taking hold of Holtzmann’s hand with both of hers, not letting the blood on her skin stop her, “when we didn’t know if you’re the dead body in the desert, I couldn’t stop thinking of how I can’t lose you. I need you, Holtz, I need you and I love you…”

It was the first time she said those words, and while she had said them honestly and from the heart, she had imagined this important step to happen quite differently, under circumstances which weren’t so dire; but as she fell silent, not knowing what else to say, she felt Holtzmann’s fingers twitch against hers, and then the engineer’s eye came up to meet hers, Erin feeling like crying from relief when there was at least a bit of awareness in the other woman’s gaze.

“Holtz”, she said, squeezing the engineer’s hand tenderly, “I know you’re in there. Come back to me, I know you can do it, you’re strong enough, come on…”

She squeezed her hand once more, and Holtzmann twitched in response – before she suddenly got moving, with unexpected quickness, and threw both arms around Erin, hugging her with more strength than Erin had expected, almost cutting off her flow of air.

“Loveyoutoo”, Holtzmann mumbled into her ear, all in one word – before a shudder ran through her and her body went slack, Erin unable to hold back a small cry as the younger woman passed out in her arms.

* * *

“Careful”, Erin nervously said as she watched two of the group’s men pick Holtzmann up, “don’t let her head drop back, keep her steady…”

If the men were annoyed by her fussing, they hid it quite well, simply making sure to do as she said as they carried Holtzmann outside and to one of the cars; wringing her hands, Erin moved to follow them, only for Rebecca to stop her, the elder woman nodding at the mess in the hut before she spoke up.

“You know Jillian did this, right”, she wanted to know, not sounding judgmental or as if she put any actual blame on the engineer, just as if she was interested to find out if Erin actually knew, not appearing surprised when the doctor nodded.

“I’ve seen her… do this before”, she then said, Rebecca raising an eyebrow, “during our drive away from this camp. King had sent some men after us, they wanted to kill me and take her back here, and she killed them. But she didn’t faint afterwards… She just… shut down, for a bit.”

“It happens”, Rebecca gave back, with a small sigh, “not often, because I’ve taught her to keep control, but…”

“She had no choice”, Erin told her, even though she figured that Rebecca knew this already, “you’ve seen the chain she… killed King with. They would have put one of those horrible collars on her again, locked her up again in that shed… And she couldn’t know we’d come to get her. She might have been hoping, but she didn’t _know_.”

“Yes”, Rebecca agreed, to the doctor’s relief, “I’m aware of that. She’ll be disoriented and tired when she comes back around, so I suggest you make sure that you’re there when that happens.”

And with that, she turned and walked off, not giving Erin a chance to answer; the doctor looked after her for a few moments, then snapped out of her stupor and hurried to follow her, eager now to get into the car Holtzmann had been put in, just to make sure she’d be around indeed once the engineer would wake up again.


	25. Holding on to You

_What I did, I did for you_  
_And now_  
 _I’m holding on to you_

Even though a closer look had shown that Holtzmann had several fresh wounds and bruises, Erin was as eager to get away from King’s horrible place as all others of their group were, and told herself that she could take care of Holtzmann later; and so, all she did for the moment was to sit in the back of the car Holtzmann and she had used for their trip to the ship, the engineer’s head in her lap, her body still lifeless as she laid unconscious in Erin’s arms.

She kept caressing the younger woman’s hair as they drove, and looked her over, trying to figure out how badly she was hurt exactly; she could see abrasions on her wrists where she had been tied up, and a few cuts marring her cheeks and arms which she guessed had happened during the fight, figuring that Holtzmann’s clothes were hiding more cuts and bruises, something which was hard to tell with all the blood having dried on the fabric and leather.

Since the ship was closer than Holtzmann’s camp, it had been agreed upon that they would go there, so Erin could take proper care of the engineer and make sure she was fine; it would still take them more than a day to get there, but the drivers from the ship knew where they could find shelter, and so, they drove until dawn, stopping shortly before the sun rose at one of the abandoned houses they used as waypoints during their scavenging runs.

To Erin’s dismay, the part of the group which had come from the ship kept their distance to Holtzmann once she had been carried inside, clearly concerned about what she might do once she’d wake up, after how she had taken down King and his men all on her own.

She wanted to yell at them, tell them that Holtzmann was no danger to any of them and that she’d had no choice; she knew that it would be a waste of her breath though, while they trusted her as their doctor, they didn’t know Holtzmann the way she did, and would have to see for themselves that the engineer was harmless when she wasn’t threatened with being forced back into captivity.

And so, she kept her thoughts to herself, and simply moved to sit next to the still unconscious engineer; it worried her how long Holtzmann was out cold already, but Rebecca didn’t seem to be all too perturbed, and so, Erin figured that this was more or less normal, and focused on taking care of Holtzmann’s wounds instead of worrying about how long she already was unconscious.

She had brought a kit with some basic supplies, having feared that Holtzmann would be hurt once they’d find her; and now she was glad that she had done so, as it allowed her to help her love and to keep busy, her focus fully on the task at hand as she cleaned and disinfected the wounds that she could access without removing Holtzmann’s clothes.

The thought of leaving Holtzmann in her blood-covered clothes made her grimace, but she didn’t want to undress her with all those other people there, and with nothing they could use to cover her up; and so, Erin ignored the bloody clothing for now, and cleaned her wrists and the cuts in her face and arms, then covered those at her wrists and arms with soft bandages, just to keep as much dirt as possible away from the fresh injuries.

As she worked, Holtzmann stirred, and moaned, but didn’t wake up; worried, Erin stopped her work and placed one hand on the engineer’s bare arm, keeping her voice low when she said her name, not sure if Holtzmann could hear her, but eager to wake her up or at least calm her down.

If she had known what images were plaguing Holtzmann’s rest, she would have tried much harder to wake her up.

In her dream, Holtzmann was running.

She had tried to run, once, a few weeks after King’s men had grabbed her; and she had gone back to this time now, feeling the sand beneath her feet as she ran, the gate coming closer and closer.

It hadn’t worked back then, and it didn’t work now in her dreams; she ran and one of them tackled her, wrapping strong arms around her legs and making her fall, her breath getting knocked out of her when she hit the ground, and before she could do more than gasp in another lungful, many hands were there, grabbing her, holding her.

There was a flash, a sort of skip ahead in time, through her memories, and she was back in King’s hut yet again; she remembered how it had been to see with both eyes, and saw like this now, but knew it wouldn’t last for long, not even in this dream.

There was another flash, and King was standing in front of her, his fist in her hair keeping her from pulling her head away; he had spoken to her when it happened for real, had taunted her and threatened her, but he didn’t speak in this dream.

He just brought down his thumb, and the pain was as real as it had been when he had taken her eye all those months ago.

She screamed, like she had back then, and he laughed, like he had back then, and she thrashed as she tried to get free, and hands were holding her down and she screamed again as she fought, tried to break free, tried to get away.

“Holtz, it’s okay, it’s okay!”

She was terrified and in pain, but she recognized the voice, she would have recognized that voice anywhere, because she loved it and loved the person it came from, and so, she stilled at once.

“Let go of her, _now_ ”, she heard Erin snap, still caught in the remnants of her dream, of her nightmare; and it was a conscious effort to break free fully, a scream still stuck in her throat when her eye finally opened.

“Hey”, Erin smiled at her as their eyes met, Holtzmann feeling her gentle touch on her arm as she spoke, rubbing soothingly, “welcome back. Don’t try to move, alright? I don’t know how hurt you are, but you must be exhausted. Are you thirsty?”

Holtzmann managed a brief nod, realizing that Erin was right, she was exhausted, and her throat felt oddly sore; she remembered how she had roared, when she had lost control, and wasn’t surprised anymore at the soreness, feeling dull shame now as she thought back to what she had done.

She saw King again, how his eyes had bulged when she had slung the chain around his neck, the surprise at how she had ripped the rope holding her wrists behind her back, the horror which had replaced it when he had realized that he was about to die.

Some of her thoughts and emotions about this clearly had shown through her face, since Erin’s features softened - before she moved to pull Holtzmann into a tender embrace, the engineer clinging to her at once, barely noticing the twinge of pain in her arms and back at the movement.

“It’s okay”, Erin whispered into her ear, rubbing her back soothingly, her heart aching when she felt the engineer shudder in her arms, “you’re out, you’re safe, he’s gone, he’ll never hurt you again.”

“I killed him”, Holtzmann whispered in response, hiding her face against Erin’s shoulder, unable to look her in the face anymore, too afraid of the reaction she might see, “I did bad again and killed him… all of them…”

“You did what you had to do”, Erin told her, rubbing her back, eager to show her that what had happened hadn’t changed anything, “it’s okay. You had no choice, don’t feel bad, Sweetheart…”

The pet name pushed her over the edge, and she let out a harsh sob, Erin’s heart breaking at the sound; from the corner of her eye, she noticed how the people who had held Holtzmann down when she had screamed and thrashed in her sleep were moving away a few steps, giving them a semblance of privacy in the small building.

“It’s okay”, she said again, not knowing what else she could say, but wanting to make Holtzmann feel better; she kept holding her, and kept rubbing her back, feeling close to tears herself as she felt Holtzmann shake in her arms.

“Erin is right, you know”, Rebecca said as she moved closer to the couple, prompting Holtzmann to look up from the doctor’s shoulder again, tears still trickling down her cheeks, “I know I’ve always told you to not give in to this rage, but in this case, you truly had no choice. You couldn’t know that we would come to get you out.”

Holtzmann just shrugged, still looking quite ashamed of what she had done; and the fact that she was still wearing clothes which were drenched in the blood of the people she had killed certainly didn’t help, Erin realized, making a mental note to get her cleaned up right away once they’d arrive at the ship.

“Here”, Rebecca distracted her from these thoughts, holding a canteen out to the engineer, “drink something, and then get some more rest.”

Holtzmann took the canteen without trying to argue, and drank down half of it, only now realizing how thirsty she was; and then, she laid back down on the mattress, her voice small and hesitant when she looked at Erin again.

“Stay with me?” she half pleaded, half asked, and Erin nodded at once, then moved to lie beside her, ending up spooning her, the engineer letting out a small, content sigh when she felt Erin wrap both arms around her.

“Sleep”, Erin whispered into her ear, rubbing soothing circles on her stomach, the only area she could easily reach in this position, “I’ll keep the nightmares away.”

Holtzmann nodded, letting out a quiet, barely audible “Thanks”; Erin kissed the back of her head in response, and kept rubbing her belly, until the engineer was fast asleep, her body getting the rest it needed as she slept peacefully through the rest of the day.


	26. Love and Comfort

_With all the love you’re giving me  
I can rest, and simply be_

To the relief of everyone in the group, the drive back to the ship during the following night was uneventful; Holtzmann was still exhausted, despite all the hours she had slept, and spent the drive back snuggled up to Erin, drifting in and out of sleep, looking drowsy when the car stopped at the ship at last and Erin gently woke her.

“We’ll go to the sick bay right away, okay?” she said, keeping her hand on the younger woman’s back, the men who had come from the ship to help still eying her with distrust, “get you out of these clothes and take care of your wounds.”

Holtzmann nodded, then simply walked with Erin, not paying attention the slightest where they were actually going; fortunately, it wasn’t far to the sick bay, and the moment they entered there, Patty had moved to their side in a flash, fussing over the engineer, steadying her as she helped her to one of the empty beds.

“Do we need needle and thread?” she then asked, while Holtzmann laid down, oddly reminded of the first time Erin had stitched her up; Erin shook her head, then reconsidered, giving the engineer a concerned look as she once more realized that she had no idea how badly Holtzmann might have gotten hurt during the fight.

“I’m not sure”, she thus said, the fact that Holtzmann apparently didn’t know either and just shrugged not helping much, “better get some ready, just in case.”

Nodding, Patty moved to do just that, while Erin helped Holtzmann out of her clothing; figuring that both the pants and the shirt were drenched in too much blood to be worth keeping, she tossed the clothes into the trash, Holtzmann looking a bit forlorn as her pants vanished in the bin.

“I liked those pants”, she mumbled as Erin took note of her expression and gave her a sympathetic look, “they were comfy. And had nice deep pockets.”

“I’ll find you another pair like those”, Erin promised, while pulling off the other woman’s socks and underwear, said items just as bloodied as her other clothing had been, “or have one made, we have a good tailor here at the ship.”

Holtzmann sighed, then nodded, clearly not bothered by the fact that she now was completely naked; Erin gave her a brief smile, then went into doctor mode and focused on her work, checking Holtzmann over, relieved when she only found more or less harmless cuts and bruises, and no deep wounds in need of stitching up.

She told Patty exactly that when the taller woman came back with the supplies, earning a nod before Patty retreated to give them some privacy; and once it was just the two of them, Erin started disinfecting the wounds, covering the larger cuts up with soft bandages, Holtzmann barely flinching again even when Erin used disinfectant on the cuts, a mixture she knew was effective, but burned quite a bit.

“Alright”, she said once she had finished, with a critical look at the engineer’s body to make sure she hadn’t missed any wounds, “and now, you’ll get the special Erin treatment, just so you know, I’ve never done this for anyone else before.”

“Aw”, Holtzmann let out, then seemed to realize that she had no idea what Erin actually was talking about, as she turned on the bed to look at her, “what is it?”

“Something for your sore muscles”, Erin told her, moving to one of her drawers and, after some rummaging, found what she had been looking for, glad that Patty hadn’t changed anything about how organized things in the sick bay, “your arms and back must feel quite tense.”

Holtzmann let out a vaguely agreeing noise, not wanting to think about why her arms and back felt like that; Erin gave her another smile, silently reassuring her that it was okay and that she still didn’t blame her, showing her the little tin she had found in her drawer as she moved to stand behind her.

“I came up with this mix myself”, she let the engineer know while she opened the tin and removed a generous dollop of the cream within, “after Abby pulled a muscle during working on the hull. This might be a bit cold at first, but it’ll warm up fast.”

Holtzmann nodded, and despite the warning, let out a yelp when the cold cream touched her back; Erin mumbled an apology, didn’t let the yelp stop her though, spreading the slightly sticky stuff over the engineer’s back and shoulders before she put the tin aside, then started massaging the younger woman, smiling at the content sigh Holtzmann let out as she worked on her stiff muscles.

“Oh wow”, the blonde groaned after a while, as Erin’s hands moved down her back, skilfully finding all the knots and tense spots, “that feels so good.”

“Happy to hear”, Erin gave back, and Holtzmann could hear the smile on her face through her voice, “as I said, normally, I just hand out the cream, the massage is only for you.”

“Lucky meeeee”, Holtzmann sighed, making Erin laugh as she nodded; and while she kept working on the tense muscles, moving on the engineer’s arms once she was done with her back, Holtzmann relaxed fully for the first time since King and his men had grabbed her again, allowing herself to believe that now, finally, everything would truly be okay.

* * *

A short while after Erin had finished the massage, and had given Holtzmann a gown to wear until they’d find better clothes for her, the engineer was fast asleep, getting the rest her body clearly still needed; and Erin, unwilling to leave her alone, kept busy with quiet tasks around the sick bay, not wanting to wake her up.

A soft knock at the door distracted her from her work, and she frowned to herself, having told Patty that Holtzmann was getting some sleep and that she didn’t want anyone to disturb them, unless it was an emergency; putting the scalpel she had been cleaning and the soft cloth she had used for that aside, she got up and moved to the door, not quite surprised to find Rebecca outside in the hallway, the elder woman nodding her head as a silent greeting.

“Holtz is asleep”, Erin whispered, stepping out into the hallway and closing the door as quietly as possible, “you’ll be happy to hear that she’s not badly hurt, just a few cuts and bruises.”

Rebecca nodded, giving the sort of small, tight smile Erin had come to know from her; then, she wanted to know how Holtzmann’s mental state was, prompting the doctor to shrug, a small sigh coming from her before she replied.

“She still feels bad”, she let the other woman know, “about what she did. And all I can think of is to tell her again that she had no choice, but… that might not be enough.”

“It will be”, Rebecca reassured her, earning a relief look from her, “after a while. It’s not truly her fault that she… sometimes loses control like this, you know, we tried to teach her how to stop herself from giving in to the rage, but…”

“Well, if I had the choice between going into rage mode and having one of those collars put on me for a second time, I know what I would do”, Erin mumbled, earning another small smile from Rebecca as she nodded; momentarily, Erin felt curious about what the other woman had meant when she had said that the rage wasn’t Holtzmann’s fault, but didn’t ask, figuring it wouldn’t be Rebecca’s place to tell.

“She’ll come to see this, as well”, Rebecca told her, making it her turn to nod, “just keep reassuring her that it’s alright, and that there’s no judgement. You make her very happy, you know.”

At this, Erin blushed brightly, knowing what high praise this was from the so stoic and reserved woman; Rebecca gave her another brief smile, then let her know that she just had wanted to check up on Holtzmann and that now, with her concerns put to rest, she’d give them some privacy again.

“I’ll make sure she gets proper rest and food”, Erin promised her in response, making Rebecca nod once more; and then, she turned and hurried off again while Erin walked back inside the sick bay, where Holtzmann was still fast asleep, having noticed nothing of the talk the two women had had outside.


	27. Field Test

_Out in the wasteland_  
_Where you will meet your destiny_  
 _Out in the wasteland_  
 _Where I will truly be set free_

A few days later, Holtzmann had recovered fully from what had happened, at least physically; Erin could tell that she still was bothered by what she had done, even though she tried to hide it, acting as if nothing was wrong whenever others were around, and only let the shame and dismay show when she thought no one was looking at her.

It pained her to see these flashes of sadness on Holtzmann’s face, but she didn’t bring it up, knowing that Holtzmann needed time to come to terms with her loss of control; and so, instead of speaking about it, Erin made sure to treat Holtzmann as she always had, eager to show her that what had happened hadn’t changed her feelings for her.

To her relief, this approach seemed to work, as the brief moments of sadness got less and less as a few days went by; she went back to working with Abby, while Erin and Patty worked in the sick bay, until Erin felt confident that they would be fine even without her around and suggested that they should go back to Holtzmann’s camp, when they were alone in her room one evening.

“But you’ve not even been here two weeks”, Holtzmann pointed out, surprised by this suggestion, “you want to go back already?”

“Well, that was the original plan”, Erin reminded her of said plan, “plus, Rebecca wants to go back tomorrow evening, then we can travel with her and we’ll be more people. Safer that way, even with King dead.”

At hearing the man’s name, Holtzmann grimaced without even fully noticing, and Erin momentarily felt bad for bringing him up; she reached out and placed a comforting hand on the other woman’s back, earning a weak smile, her own wavering a bit as a thought which had been haunting her ever since Holtzmann had been captured again forced itself to the front of her mind.

“I never should have let you go alone in the first place”, she said, suddenly unable to hold the words back any longer, her guilt weighing too heavily to let her bite them back once more, as she had countless times during the past few days, “if I had come with you…”

“Then they would have grabbed you, too”, Holtzmann gave back, shaking her head, “it’s a good thing you weren’t there. You know, he… he told me what he wanted to do to you and… the things he said… that was mostly what made me give in to the rage.”

Erin shuddered at the thought, not even needing to hear what sort of plans King had had for her, and to her relief, it seemed as if Holtzmann wasn’t willing to say more; she could tell though that Erin still felt bad, and so, moved to hug her, smiling a bit when the doctor returned her embrace at once.

“We can go with Rebecca and the others”, the engineer told her girlfriend after they just had held each other in silence for a while, “but only if you really want to. I don’t want to drag you away from here, this is your home after all…”

“It was”, Erin corrected her, earning a surprised look, only for the blonde’s features to soften as she continued, “well, it still is, mostly. But even more than that… Home is wherever I can be with you.”

All Holtzmann could do was swallow heavily, her throat suddenly too tight to let her speak; and so, she pulled Erin closer for a kiss instead, finding herself able to talk again by the time they pulled apart again.

“I love you”, she said, voice still trembling with emotion; she couldn’t put all she felt into words, not the way Erin just had, but to her relief, she had said enough, Erin smiling at her as she reached up to tenderly caress her cheek, the gentle touch sending a pleasant shiver up and down Holtzmann’s spine.

“I love you, too”, Erin told her, then pulled her close for another kiss; and as their kiss deepened, Holtzmann realized that she felt exactly as Erin did, that _home_ was wherever Erin was, and felt her heart swell with happiness, barely able to believe how lucky she was to have that kind of love in her life.

* * *

The goodbyes from Abby and Patty were as tearful as the reunion had been, and Erin promised them a dozen times that she would come back soon; she also reassured them again and again that Holtzmann would build radios so that they’d be able to talk, the engineer nodding her agreement each time, but despite how obviously painful it was for her to leave, Erin didn’t backtrack, knowing she’d feel even worse if she’d have to be without Holtzmann.

And so, she got into the car they had used for their initial trip to the ship, Rebecca having decided to drive with them, and giving the harpoon mounted to the roof a look of approval as she got into the backseat; Holtzmann noticed, and looked quite proud, prompting Erin to smile at her, feeling as proud as Holtzmann herself did, proud and happy that she could call this brilliant, talented woman her girlfriend.

She took the driver’s seat, knowing that Holtzmann felt more comfortable as a passenger, with her lack of depth perception, even if there weren’t many obstacles in the wasteland; and once they all had gotten comfortable in the car and the second vehicle was ready, as well, she started the engine, her heart heavy again as she had to leave the ship behind, but oddly light at the same time as she knew she would be with Holtzmann.

Since Rebecca was in their car, they took the lead, the others close behind them; there was no real hurry, but Erin still drove faster than strictly necessary, none of them wanting to spend more time out in the wasteland than they absolutely had to.

They drove for hours without taking a break, speeding through the night; Holtzmann was dozing on the passenger seat, clearly not finding the landscape all around very exciting, while Rebecca was awake and alert in the backseat, looking around as Erin drove, just to make sure nobody would be able to get close without any of them noticing.

And thanks to her keen eye, she saw the cloud of dust in the distance before Erin did; she raised her voice to wake Holtzmann up too as she said Erin’s name and pointed the cloud out to them both, the engineer frowning as she peered at it.

“One of ours?” she then asked, while Rebecca bent over and pulled a metal box from beneath the driver’s seat, opening it and retrieving field glasses from it; Erin had a moment to wonder if Holtzmann had made those, too, and was impressed again by her girlfriend’s skill, then Rebecca lifted them to her eyes, and from how her face darkened, both Erin and Holtzmann could tell that she didn’t like what she was seeing.

“Jillian”, she said, lowering the field glasses again, “get up to that harpoon, quick.”

Holtzmann didn’t ask any questions, but responded by clambering from her seat and up onto the roof, sitting on the edge of the square opening she had cut into said roof for exactly that purpose; the position wasn’t ideal, but would be steadier than standing, and would make aiming the harpoon easier.

Mindful of her girlfriend’s not very secure position, Erin slowed down a bit, wondering who was in that car that Rebecca would react like that; and as the other vehicle got closer, she realized that it was the one the runner who had come to pick up Holtzmann had used, a frown creasing her brow when the driver changed his course, driving away from them.

“Follow him”, Rebecca instructed from the backseat, “drive faster if you have to.”

Erin didn’t like the idea much, not wanting Holtzmann to fall, but stepped down on the gas pedal again anyway, hoping that the engineer had heard and was holding on properly; luckily, the engineer remained perched on her seat, even though she got shaken through quite a bit as the sand wasn’t all too smooth.

At least, Erin thought to herself, it was easy to keep her eyes on the other car, with the empty wasteland all around; and while she didn’t like driving so fast, she was good at it, the distance between the other car and theirs getting smaller with each second ticking by.

She had a moment to wonder if the driver of the second car had noticed what they were doing, and had changed his course to follow them, but didn’t dare to turn her head and look; up on the roof, Holtzmann gripped the harpoon’s frame tighter, her mind racing as she calculated when she could fire a shot, considering the distance and the length of the steel cable she had used.

“Erin”, she called out, raising her voice to be heard over the engine and the slipstream, “just a little bit closer!”

Erin let out a vaguely agreeing noise, fully focused on the chase now; she sped the car up a bit more, and finally, they were close enough, Holtzmann moving one hand to the trigger while holding on to the frame with the other.

She took careful aim, unlike Rebecca not knowing who was in the car and thus not wanting to hit them; she squinted as she took another moment to make sure the shot would go true, then held her breath as she pulled the trigger, a flash of pride rushing through her when the harpoon shot from the frame and the sharp tip embedded itself deeply in one of the car’s tires.

Without missing a beat, her hand moved from the trigger to the button next to it, and the harpoon got yanked back once she had pushed it; and just as she had planned, it took the tire with it, the car slowing at once, Holtzmann unable to hold back a proud “Yes!” as she pumped her fist.

“Good job Jillian”, Rebecca called out to her, Erin nodding along, smiling proudly at her girlfriend’s good shot; she pulled up to where the other car had been forced to stop, her smile vanishing at once when she saw who had been driving it.

“Rowan”, Rebecca greeted the man as she got out of the car, Rowan still sitting in his stolen one, glaring at her as if he could make her drop dead simply by staring hard enough, “I suppose you managed to get away when Jillian took care of King and his men, then. Get out of the car.”

“I know how she gets”, Rowan said as he did so, glaring at Rebecca again before his gaze briefly moved to Holtzmann, then on to Erin, “when she’s in that… _mood_. So I did the smart thing and ran, instead of trying to stop her, like King’s idiot men. You leave any alive, Holtzmann? No? Didn’t think so.”

“Shut up”, Erin snapped at him, not wanting his words to bring back any unpleasant memories for Holtzmann, what with the engineer just having recovered from what had happened, “don’t you dare talk to her again, it was your fault she was this horrible man’s captive in the first place!”

Behind her, Holtzmann had jumped from the car and was staring at the man, her arms crossed over her chest; Erin had a moment to worry that the engineer would go into rage mode again, but before that could happen, Rebecca suddenly and purposefully strode forward, moving one hand to her lower back, Rowan’s eyes going wide when she pulled a knife from the sheath she had strapped to her body there, hidden beneath her clothing.

“No”, he protested, taking a step back as if that could save him, “you don’t have to do this. Just leave me here, you ruined my car, I have nowhere left to go…!”

“We’ve exiled you before”, Rebecca replied, voice cold and uncaring, Erin moving closer to Holtzmann as she knew what was coming, the younger woman responding by grasping her hand, “and it didn’t work.”

He tried to plead again, at least not trying to run, probably because he knew that Rebecca was fitter than him and would catch up to him, anyway; and he couldn’t even get the whole sentence out, as Rebecca reached him, brought the knife up, and slit his throat in an effortless, almost casual gesture, the man clutching at his throat and letting out horribly wet choking noises as he fell to his knees.

Turning away from him, Rebecca pulled a piece of cloth from her pocket and wiped the blade, then sheathed it again; and then, without bothering to give the dying man another look, she walked past Erin and Holtzmann back to the car, and took the back seat again, calm and composed once more, as if she hadn’t just slit a man’s throat a minute ago.

If it had been anyone else, Erin would have felt bad for them, she knew, it simply was in her nature; she just had to take one look at Holtzmann though to not care about Rowan’s death, the eyepatch and the faint scarring at her throat painful reminders of what she had gone through because of this man and his actions.

“That was a good, clean cut”, thus was all she said as she got behind the steering wheel again; Rebecca responded with a dry “thank you”, Holtzmann giving the dead man a last look as she got into the passenger side, darkly satisfied at seeing him bleed out on the sand.

“You okay?” Erin asked her, distracting her from looking at him; glancing at her girlfriend, Holtzmann nodded and managed a small smile, Erin smiling back at her as she reached over and briefly touched her hand, then started the engine again and stepped on the gas pedal once more, eager to get them back home and to safety, now that another thread had been eliminated from their lives.


	28. Tales from the Past

_As you speak of you pain_  
_Of times gone by, things you’ve seen_  
 _My own tales come back to me_

The people from the camp were clearly happy to see Holtzmann return, greeting her with cheers and hugs and overall joy; and to Erin’s surprise, she was greeted the same way, getting her fair share of embraces and pats on the back.

“This is the second time you’ve saved Jillian”, Rebecca pointed out as she took note of the surprise on Erin’s face, “and everyone here knows what you mean to her. Of course they’re happy to see you, too.”

Erin could only manage a stunned smile, then took note of Holtzmann beginning to look a bit overwhelmed, reminding her of the fact that she hadn’t fully recovered from what had happened at King’s camp; and so, she quickly made sure to get Holtzmann some peace and quiet, explaining that they’d had a long drive and that they both could need some rest.

“Thank you”, Holtzmann sighed once they had retreated to her home, letting herself drop down onto the bed, the fact that she didn’t immediately move to one of her workbenches showing Erin how exhausted she still was, perhaps not physically anymore, but mentally, “that was… getting a bit much. I know they mean well but…”

“They might not be aware of the toll it takes”, Erin gave back, moving to sit beside her, and making her smile when she started to rub her back, “or that it happened at all. Do they… know? About the rage?”

“They do”, Holtzmann told her, looking a bit ashamed again, “when I… came here, I had almost no control, it happened quite a lot. Luckily, I was scrawny and small and didn’t do much damage.”

Erin made a vaguely agreeing noise, sensing that Holtzmann wanted to say more, but not wanting to push her; and so, she just kept rubbing her back, until the engineer spoke up again, voice low and quiet now, her tone showing that she was deep in thought.

“Rebecca keeps telling me it’s not my fault, you know”, she let Erin know, the doctor listening in silence, “that it’s… what happened when I was little which caused these rages in the first place. I don’t remember it all, but… my parents and I, we were out in the wasteland, driving somewhere, I don’t know where. We got attacked, by a bunch of guys capturing people to sell into slavery, but… my parents fought back and got killed.”

“I’m so sorry”, Erin brought out, shocked by this revelation – she had figured out that Holtzmann’s parents weren’t around when the engineer had described Rebecca as her mother figure, but never would have imagined that her parents actually had been killed right in front of her.

“They grabbed me”, Holtzmann continued, snuggling closer to her, a shudder running through her at the unpleasant memories, “probably figuring that a little girl would fetch a good prize from… certain types. And that’s the first time the rage happened.”

“No one can blame you for that”, Erin told her, pulling her closer, “having to witness something like this as a child… how old were you?”

“Six or seven”, Holtzmann mumbled, Erin’s heart breaking all over again at the thought of such a young child having something like this happen to them, “I’m not quite sure, and Rebecca said it was hard to tell, after… what had happened. The rage hit, and I fought them and… I did a lot of damage to one of them. Bit off his finger I think, so they decided it was too much of a hassle to take me along and just left me there.”

She gave Erin a brief, frightened look, scared of what she might see on the other woman’s face, judgement or contempt or perhaps even fear; all she saw thought was heartfelt sympathy and love, and that made it a bit easier, despite how painful the memories were.

“They drove off and I was lost”, Holtzmann said, swallowing heavily, “no idea where I was, with no supplies, nothing. So I just started walking.”

Her voice cracked, and Erin tightened her embrace around her, feeling close to tears herself at the desolation on Holtzmann’s face and in her tone; holding her close, she moved one hand to caress her hair, her voice soft and soothing when she responded.

“You don’t have to tell me more”, she told the engineer, prompting her to take in a watery breath, “if it hurts so much, it’s okay…”

“I want to tell you”, Holtzmann replied, wiping at her eye, momentarily stunned at the fact that tears were trickling from the one King had ruined, as well, “you… you should know, I want you to know.”

Erin nodded, still holding her close, and gently caressing her hair; Holtzmann allowed herself to melt into the touch for a minute or two, then made herself continue, knowing she had to get it all out before she’d be able to fully feel at peace again.

“I don’t know how long I was out there”, she told Erin, “but it certainly didn’t help my mental state. Rebecca was out scavenging with a few others and they found me, if they had gone out a day or two later… Well. I don’t remember much from them, I was dehydrated and sunburned, Rebecca told me I tried to fight them, too, but I was too exhausted and just collapsed. She wouldn’t allow the others to just leave me there, and so they took me back here.”

“That was fortunate”, Erin smiled, not wanting to imagine what a horrible death Holtzmann would have died out there, had Rebecca and the others not found her, purely on accident, “and a very kind thing to do.”

Holtzmann smiled weakly as well and nodded, letting out a small sigh afterwards, relaxing noticeably now that the hardest part of her tale had been told; Erin felt her relax, but kept caressing her hair, eager to make her feel better still, knowing how painful it had to be to speak about these things.

“I don’t remember much from the first days at the camp”, the engineer went on after a while, “but Rebecca told me I’d been a handful. I’d give in to the rage at the drop of a hat, attacking her and others more than once, and at some point, a bunch of people I’d hit even demanded that I should be kicked out. She wouldn’t hear it though, and told them that if they’d kick a child out into desert, she’d go with me, and she was their only engineer at the time, so they couldn’t risk it.”

Erin grimaced, wondering if the people who had wanted Holtzmann to be kicked out were still leaving her, and if they were friends of the engineer now; clearly, Holtzmann didn’t hold it against them though, not sounding bitter or angry as she continued, even smiling a bit now, as her walk down memory lane reached a much nicer time of her life.

“Rebecca let me live with her”, she told Erin, making her smile as well, “took care of me, and was so endlessly patient when it came to my rage. She taught me how to control it, took care of me… if it hadn’t been for her… and she discovered my talent for building and repairing things before I had been here for even three months. She taught me how to channel my rage into this, into using all that energy to make life better for everyone here.”

“It’s a good thing she found you”, Erin smiled, tenderly kissing the top of her head before she spoke on, “and now I feel like I should give her a hug for taking care of you like this, because if she hadn’t, we never would have met. I have the feeling though she’s not a big fan of hugs.”

“She isn’t”, Holtzmann replied with a snort of laughter which made Erin’s smile widen, the brief chuckle making her happier than she ever had thought the sound of laughter could, “but she might let it happen from you, just for rescuing me. You know, that’s the only good thing which came from what Rowan did… that I met you.”

Erin nodded her agreement to that at once, and Holtzmann gave her another smile before she leaned up and their lips met in a gentle kiss; and afterwards, Holtzmann just enjoyed being held close by Erin, something she hadn’t had often in her life – while Rebecca had hugged her when she had come back home after her captivity, she hadn’t been a physically affectionate person before, having hugged her maybe two or three times throughout her life.

“You know”, she broke the silence after a while, with a small sigh, “now I got two guys I can have nightmares about. King and the other one. I don’t remember much of that time, but I remember what he looked like, down to the last detail of that ugly snake tattoo he had on his even uglier face.”

Erin stiffened at once, a strangled gasp coming from her as her eyes went wide; taking note of how tense she suddenly was, and of how her face paled drastically, Holtzmann said her name in alarm, her concern only growing when Erin didn’t react the slightest.

“Erin”, she tried again, at the same time remembering the last time she had seen Erin react like this – when she had seen the cut Rowan had given her, and all her memories had come rushing back to her.

All her memories, except for what had happened before she had come back around in the desert.

“Erin”, Holtzmann tried for a third time, holding her close, alarm only growing when she felt the doctor tremble in her arms; and then, Erin burst into tears, so sudden and violently that Holtzmann would have recoiled, had it been anyone else.

“I remember”, Erin whimpered as she clung to her, before she had the chance to say anything, sobbing so violently now that her words were barely comprehensible, “I remember _everything_.”


	29. Memories, Complete

_I'm going through my memories_  
_And my life that passed away_  
 _Ugly things are calling me_  
 _I'm going through my suffering._  
 _There are so many ways_  
 _Each of them says: "Come to me!"_  
 _I must choose the right one_  
 _If I fail I'll be lost_  
 _In my memories._

“Erin, come on”, she heard Holtzmann say, unable to stop the tears from flowing, the sobs from making her body tremble, “come back to me. It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re here with me, you’re save…”

Hearing these words from Erin always had helped her, no matter if she had been caught in her rage or if she had woken screaming from a nightmare; to her growing alarm and fear though, they seemed to have no effect on Erin, the doctor just crying and trembling in her arms, not even able to speak anymore.

She barely heard Holtzmann as the engineer kept speaking to her, the shouting in her mind drowning out Holtzmann’s voice; she not only remembered, but _lived_ it again, back in the wasteland, struggling as blood poured over hands, mocking her desperate attempts to save a life.

And she saw the man Holtzmann had been talking now, older than he had been when the engineer had encountered him, all those years ago, but the tattoo was still there, and the ugliness of his face hadn’t improved over the years.

She heard him laugh as he brought the knife down again, gutting another of the men who had been with her, having no use for strong men willing to fight; and then his men and he came for her, still laughing even as she grabbed the knife of the man who just had died beneath her helpless hands.

And now she knew why she had forgotten all about this encounter, not only had a man she had called a friend died right there, practically in her arms, but she had caused another death, stabbing one of the men as they had tried to grab her, and her medical knowledge had made sure that her attack was fatal, if the man hadn’t realized it right away.

Only when she pulled the blade back, out of his thigh, and blood not just flowed, but rushed from the wound, they all had realized how dangerous she was.

Dimly, she heard Holtzmann call out to her again, and part of her realized what was happening, that her trauma was threatening to overwhelm her, after her mind had repressed these memories for so long; they had slammed back to the very front of her mind, she had seen this before, in people who had gone through terrible things, some of them had never made their way back out, and had ended up empty shells, forever trapped in their horrible memories.

Others had gone insane, had had their mind broken by the viciousness of the images; and she knew that she had to somehow come back from this, before either option could happen to her, but she didn’t know how… until she heard Holtzmann call her name again.

She focused on Holtzmann’s voice, on how it had been when they had shared their first kiss, how good it had felt, how right, to have the younger woman’s lips on hers; and she thought of the moment she had heard Holtzmann moan out in her name, in passion and with such lust, when they had made love for the first time.

Desperate, Erin clung to these memories, to those good times, so they could help her get out of the maelstrom of painful, dark images; and it worked as she kept her focus on Holtzmann’s voice, grateful that the engineer kept speaking to her, even if she showed no discernible outward reaction.

She felt Holtzmann’s arms hold her close and tight, and focused on both that and the engineer’s voice; and slowly, but steadily, she managed to fight her way back, pulled out of the darkness in her mind by Holtzmann’s voice, her embrace, her love.

“Erin”, she heard Holtzmann say again, taking in a heavy, but controlled breath, feeling the tears on her cheeks, “Erin, Sweetheart, it’s okay. Come back to me, please. I love you, come back to me.”

“…Holtz”, Erin croaked, in an attempt to let her know that she was back; she felt Holtzmann pull her even closer in response, and rub her back, their roles curiously reversed now, followed by the engineer’s voice again, encouraging her to come back fully, telling her that was okay.

“Yes, good”, Holtzmann encouraged as Erin managed to meet her gaze, “you’re here with me, see? Whatever happened, it’s in the past and it’s over, it’s okay, I promise, I’ll keep you save, whatever he did to you, he won’t hurt you again…”

“Didn’t”, Erin brought out, taking in another deep breath as she struggled back to the present, “he didn’t… hurt me. One of his men did, must have, knocked me out from behind, I never saw… There just was pain, a sudden bright flash, and then… it all was gone.”

She finally found herself able to return Holtzmann’s embrace, and clung to her, afraid of slipping back into the darkness; and clearly, Holtzmann had an idea of what was happening, holding her as close as she could and rubbing her back as she kept murmuring into her ear, just reassuring noises, but the sound of her voice was enough to keep Erin grounded, no matter what she actually was saying.

“They must have… decided I was too much of a bother”, Erin forced herself to continue, knowing that talking might help to keep her grounded, too, “and just left me there… left me there to die…”

“But you didn’t”, Holtzmann reminded her, glad when Erin slowly stopped shaking in her arms, her gaze clearing visibly as her eyes met Holtzmann’s again, “you’re so strong, you made it in the desert for who knows how long and then helped me escape, too. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d still be there, half insane and chained in this damned shed.”

Erin let out a shaky breath, relaxing noticeably in Holtzmann’s arms; Holtzmann speaking of their escape from the camp had helped her even further to break free of the hold her dark memories had had on her, and she felt as if she was back fully now, even managing a smile as she snuggled closer to Holtzmann again.

“Thank you”, she mumbled after just having enjoyed the engineer’s arms around her for a while, the feeling of a calloused, but gentle hand rubbing her back, “and I love you, too, but we really have to stop saying this to each other under such dramatic circumstances.”

At this, Holtzmann chuckled and nodded, Erin’s smile widening in response; and then, she pulled the engineer close for a kiss, coming to terms with what had happened as she felt Holtzmann’s lips on hers again, the memories losing their hold on her as she focused fully on the engineer’s kiss and touch.

* * *

Once Erin had calmed down fully, they went to find Rebecca, figuring that she should know about the fact that the man who had tried to enslave tiny Holtzmann had done the same to Erin, decades later; and apparently, he still didn’t bother to take along people who put up more than a bit of a fight, after he had left both Holtzmann and Erin out in the desert to die.

“I can’t believe he’s still active”, Rebecca said, with a shake of her head, after Erin had told her what Holtzmann’s story had brought back, “it’s been more than twenty years since your encounter with him, Jillian.”

“He must be good at what he does”, Holtzmann replied with a grimace, making Rebecca nod, “most slavers don’t get that old.”

“Well, if he always drops those who put up a fight in the desert, that explains it”, Erin gave back, making them both nod this time, “and if he grabs more than one person, just leaving the most resilient of the group behind out there, in the wasteland… It’s going to frighten the others into submission, as well.”

“Good point”, Rebecca agreed, making Erin feel oddly proud, as she knew by now that praise of any kind didn’t come often from the other woman, “so we better be careful when sending out scavengers in the future. Jillian, you can build more of those guns and harpoons?”

“Sure”, Holtzmann replied at once, “I’ll just need enough scrap metal for the guns, or they won’t do much good. Maybe… Maybe you should send a team to King’s former camp, there’s a lot of stuff there, in my… in the shed alone. And everywhere else, the cars, the huts, everything…”

“I’ll send a team”, Rebecca nodded, “armed and with our best cars, just in case. Perhaps with someone who has a bit of knowledge about what you will need, but you will not be a member of that team.”

“Wasn’t planning to”, Holtzmann gave back, her dry tone so much like the one Erin had heard Rebecca use quite often that the doctor raised an eyebrow at her girlfriend, “it was bad enough that I got dragged back there once, I don’t ever want to set foot in that place again. I’ll just tell them what to look for, or write them a list or something.”

Rebecca nodded again, then reached out and briefly touched Holtzmann’s shoulder; the engineer gave her a small, somewhat wary smile which made Erin’s heart clench up, then she could practically see how Holtzmann pushed the bad memories aside as she got up from her chair and straightened up.

“I’ll go get that list ready”, she let Rebecca know, “better get started on this as fast as possible.”

Rebecca voiced her agreement to that, and together with Erin, Holtzmann left her home; they headed for the engineer’s building together, Holtzmann thinking out loud as she tried to remember all the things she knew King had had at his camp and tried to figure out which ones might be useful and which could be left there.

“I’d tear the whole place down, if it was up to me”, Erin grumbled, shaking her head, “all the pain he caused there…”

“Perhaps we can tear it down once we got all the good stuff out of there”, Holtzmann smiled, making Erin nod at once, “and let the sand bury what remains.”

“Sounds like a plan”, Erin agreed, then leaned in for a tender kiss, before she helped Holtzmann with making the list the best she could, telling her what she remembered of King’s camp, as little as it was, just eager to keep her mind occupied and away from the darkest of her memories.


	30. Nightmares and Dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some violence in this one. But also fluff :)

_I go back_  
_To the Hell I lived in before_  
_I go back_  
_To my salvation_

Already in the next evening, a team picked by both Rebecca and Holtzmann left for King’s camp, all of the camp’s people agreeing that it’d be smart to empty King’s place as fast as possible, before scavengers from another camp might find it; and every member of the team knew better than to suggest that Holtzmann should come along, reassuring her instead that the list was fine and would be sufficient.

While they had spent the day ready to get moving, Holtzmann already started work in her home, with the thing she already had there; and once again, Erin helped her the best she could, holding things and handing her things, and as they worked, she could tell that Holtzmann wasn’t quite her usual self, a bit more subdued than usual.

“Are you okay?” she finally dared to ask, placing one hand on Holtzmann’s back; immediately, Holtzmann nodded, then paused and reconsidered, letting out a sigh as she shrugged.

“Maybe”, she said, lowering her tools and turning to look at the doctor, the pain in her gaze making Erin’s heart cramp up, “I don’t know. It’s just… Just talking of going back there… It hurt.”

“I understand”, Erin reassured her, moving to hug her, glad when Holtzmann returned the embrace at once, “you’ve been there for so long, gone through so much… The kind of damage this does, it sits deep. And it’s perfectly normal, Sweetheart, don’t worry, it’s nothing to be ashamed of…”

Holtzmann just kept holding on to her, and hid her face against Erin’s shoulder; eager to make her feel better, Erin rubbed her back and told her again that it was okay, holding back her own pain as she wondered how deeply damaged both of them actually were, and if they’d ever recover fully from the things they had been through.

* * *

 

Holtzmann and Erin had spent the day working on new weapons, and after a somewhat late dinner, they both were too tired to do more than cleaning up before falling into bed; even though it had been built for one person, and thus wasn’t quite big enough for both of them, they still shared Holtzmann’s bed, the engineer getting comfortable in Erin’s arms, still feeling somewhat glum after all the memories the mere mention of King’s camp had brought back.

She still felt glum when she drifted off into an exhausted sleep, and so, it came as no surprise that she returned to the times of captivity in her dreams.

She was back at the shed, the way the air felt too warm around her, not quite breathable, oddly familiar; and the collar was back around her neck, the chain clinking softly each time she moved, and that was oddly familiar, as well.

She even felt the pain again, from where she had been burned when the collar had been welded shut; and she heard King’s voice, heard how he had laughed at her cries of pain, he wasn’t there in the shed with her in this dream, but she felt his touch nonetheless, the way he had cupped her jaw once one of his men had finished welding.

 _No getting out of this one, engineer,_ he had said, his disembodied voice sending shivers up and down her spine, _no lock, no key. Just iron._

He never had told her that she would never get out of the shed again, either, but there had been no need to explicitly tell her, she had simply known, had known when they had locked the chain to the ring in the floor and had given him the key.

And for a while, she almost had been broken, by her hopeless situation and by the drugs; he reminded her regularly that nobody knew she was there, her people thought she was dead, nobody was searching for her, and one night, she remembered, hearing his voice in her dream, he came to her, laughing, telling her that some people from her camp her been there this very day, right in the next building, and had never known that she was there.

 _And they never will know_ , he had taunted, as she had cried and had begged him to be let go, had truly begged him for the first time since she had been taken and he had ruined her eye and had had them collar her, _you’re here to stay, engineer._

When he had left, he had told them to up the dosage of her drugs, because she still was thinking too clearly if she could beg so coherently, and after that, her mind had been muddled.

She had found a kind of solace in her work, even if she hadn’t wanted to be there; and in the fact that, apart from hitting her every now and then if she wasn’t fast enough, King and his men mostly left her alone, a small comfort found in the fact that at least, they weren’t using her for pleasures which had nothing to do with fighting and driving.

The days melted together, she remembered in her dream, with how hard it was to keep track of time in the shed, it was always dim and always hot, the only relief coming when it rained and water dripped through the ceiling, and the drugs made her mind so foggy, it took so much of her energy to just keep her focus on the work that it was too exhausting to try and keep track of time, too.

And so, she worked, and ate, even if the food was drugged – she had tried to not eat, for a while, but the hunger had become too bad, and finally, she had given in to the gnawing pain in her belly – and slept on the floor, sometimes awoken by the collar tugging uncomfortably at her neck when she moved or by the chain clinking on the ground, and tried to come to terms with the fact that this was her life now.

It could be worse, she kept telling herself, even when King got angry at her and hit her or kicked her, at least they weren’t raping her, she told herself, and even when he was angry, he tried to not break her bones when he hit her, so she could do the work, it could be worse, so much worse, and at least the work kept her mind busy, fuzzy and foggy as it was.

And then her dream took a turn, from nightmare to salvation, just like it had happened for real, back then.

She dreamed of the door opening, something she had paid no mind to because the door often opened, people bringing her work or food or water, or King coming to yell at her for not being fast enough.

_Hello?_

It was the kindest she had heard someone speak to her ever since King’s men had grabbed her, and she remembered how startled she had been… and that feeling only had grown, when she had turned and looked and even through the haze the drugs put over her mind had seen the kindness and concern on the face of the woman who had come to her, emotions none of King’s men ever had shown when they had looked at her.

She remembered how the woman had introduced herself, and had told her she would get her out; she hadn’t believed it back then, hadn’t dared to believe, too afraid that this woman had been sent as some kind of test by King, and that he would punish her if she failed, would take her tongue or her ears, it just was too good to be true.

She hadn’t dared to believe, not until Erin came back, later that day, and started on getting the ring out of the floor, because she knew that there was no way she could remove the collar.

Not even then though, she had allowed herself to truly hope – she had _believed_ , but hadn’t dared to hope it would work, she was sure they would get caught, and they would be punished, and it almost had made her stop Erin, she knew it would end badly for both of them if they would get caught and Erin didn’t even know her, had no reason to care for her, no reason to risk life and limb for her.

Erin was good though, and kind, and had taken the risk anyway… and they had gotten away.

They had gotten away, Holtzmann reminded herself as she opened her eye in the darkness of her home, sweat on her brow and her breath coming in harsh gasps, but she hadn’t screamed, because Erin was still fast asleep next to her.

They had gotten away, and her mind was clear again, she was free and her mind was clear, but still her hand came up out of pure reflex and touched her throat, muscles going slack with relief when there was no collar, just scarred skin where it had been.

And suddenly, she was overwhelmed, by her relief that she truly was out of there, that King was dead and that she never would have to go back, and by her feelings of love and gratitude for Erin; and before she could try to stop it, she had started to cry, burying her face in the pillow in an attempt to keep the noise down, not wanting to repay Erin’s kindness by waking her up in the middle of the night after such an exhausting day.

She had tried to be quiet, but it still didn’t truly surprise her when she felt Erin move next to her, the movement followed by the doctor putting one arm around her and pulling her close, not even having to ask if she was okay.

“I’m sorry”, Holtzmann whispered as she turned a bit, just enough so she could hide her face in Erin’s shoulder, “I didn’t mean to wake you…”

“It’s okay”, Erin told her, rubbing her back soothingly as she sniffled, “what’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare?”

“Sort of”, Holtzmann mumbled, relaxing as the doctor held her close, not perturbed the slightest by the interruption of her sleep, “it was one, at first. Of… when I was there. But then I… it changed, to when you came to the shed and got me out, even though you didn’t have to, you had no reason to help me like this and… it’s like I only just now realized fully what you’ve done for me…”

“I never could have left you there, in this horrible situation”, Erin gave back, her own throat suddenly oddly tight as Holtzmann’s words had touched her deeply; the engineer shook her head in response, then lifted her head to look at her, their eyes by now having adjusted enough to the dark to let them see each other.

“Everyone else did”, Holtzmann brought out in reply, suddenly finding it hard to put what she was feelings into words, but trying nonetheless, feeling as if it’d crush her if she didn’t say it, “they’d come to that shed and demand that I fix things for them, and no one cared about the state I was in. A few of the new ones were shocked at first, like you, but… none of them cared enough to do anything. Until you came along, and helped me, just because you’re a good person… If it hadn’t been for you…”

“Stop, or I’ll cry, too”, Erin told her, voice watery already, “you don’t have to thank me, or feel as if you owe me or something, I… I’m just glad we met, even though it was such a horrible time for you, I’ve never had… what we have in my life before…”

“I love you”, Holtzmann said, forgetting about Erin’s earlier joke that they had to stop saying this to each other in such dramatic circumstances, “so much. You said I don’t have to feel as if I owe you something, but I do, I owe you my life and my mind and sanity…”

“I love you too”, Erin reassured her, kissing her gently before she went on, “and I’d do it again, every time. Don’t forget you saved my sanity, too, when the memories of this horrible slave trader came back… So we’re even, okay? I don’t want you to feel as if you owe me anything, because you don’t.”

“You’re too kind and good for this world”, Holtzmann mumbled, snuggling into her embrace; Erin just smiled, and shrugged, kissing the top of her head tenderly before she moved one hand to caress her hair.

“Let’s get some more sleep”, she suggested, feeling Holtzmann nod against her shoulder, “we might have another long day tomorrow.”

She felt Holtzmann nod again, then the blonde relaxed noticeably in her embrace as she kept playing with her blonde locks; and not long afterwards, Holtzmann was fast asleep, Erin allowing herself to drift back into dreamland as well once she was sure her girlfriend was resting peacefully, both of them sleeping undisturbed through the rest of the night.


	31. New Danger from an Old Place

_We're old, wilder than the rest_  
_We're stainless steel and contagious_  
 _We're the world, we are obsessed_

 

During the next two days, Holtzmann and Erin completed as many weapons as they could, without the new materials which hopefully would be delivered soon; Holtzmann had recovered well from her nightly breakdown, almost back to her usual self by the evening of the next day, and feeling even better the morning after, also thanks to the attention Erin had given her when they had been alone, the doctor having made her laugh by claiming that it was good from a medical standpoint to make her feel relaxed and satisfied.

Rebecca visited at Holtzmann’s homes at least once each day, checking their progress and making sure Holtzmann was doing fine; a few times, Erin had to head out to help other people with injuries, one memorable time being called to check on a man who was vomiting all over the place, ending up with puke on her pants and shirt, but at least having been able to help the guy.

“The downsides of being a doctor”, she told Holtzmann as the engineer eyed her soiled clothing with a frown, “and what happens if one eats questionable meat.”

“Poor him”, Holtzmann showed sympathy, making her nod at once; she preferred helping Holtzmann with her work to being puked on, and so she was glad that the guy recovered, as it gave her the chance to spend more time with her girlfriend and help her the best she could.

The sun just had started to go down and they began to think about stopping for the day to get dinner when the door flew open and Rebecca was there, for once not looking stoic, but worried and dismayed as she asked Erin to quickly come with her.

“Jillian”, she said next, once Erin had nodded, “run to the sick bay, get the first aid bag Rowan kept there, you know where it is?”

Holtzmann nodded as well, then hurried off without another word, not bothering to ask; and Erin didn’t waste any time either, but followed Rebecca as the other woman led the way, almost having to run to keep up with the taller woman’s long, hurried strides.

Already from afar, she could tell that the team which had been sent out to empty King’s camp had run into some sort of trouble, either there or on the way; she could see several dents and even bullet holes marring the car’s frame, and while the driver looked unharmed, the man on the passenger seat was pale though and breathing with short, harsh gasps, and as she took another few steps closer, Erin saw the blood on his clothes.

“Don’t move him!” she snapped harshly as one of the bystanders moved closer and looked as if he wanted to do just that, “I need a stretcher or something to carry him, quick!”

The man shrank back, then nodded and grabbed a friend to get what Erin had demanded; she quickly moved to the man’s side, eyes darting back and forth until she found the wound, an almost circular home at his back, high up on his shoulder, the wound not bleeding anymore, the skin around it red and angry though, showing her that it was fairly fresh.

“Hey, hi, hello”, she said, figuring that finding out how aware the man actually was would be a good start, “can you tell me your name?”

“Johnny”, he groaned, clearly in pain, but at least aware and alert enough to realize that she was speaking to him and to get what she wanted from him; she told him that he was doing good and that he should stay with her, then asked what had happened, Rebecca holding up her hand to silence the driver when he looked as if he wanted to answer.

“People”, the wounded man brought out, voice trembling now, “at King’s camp… with guns and cars… saw us coming and attacked us…”

“Vultures”, Rebecca grumbled while the men Erin had sent to get a stretcher came back, carrying just that between them, Holtzmann right behind them with the first aid bag; as she got a closer look at the man’s wound though, she could tell at once that first aid wouldn’t do much good, he’d need an operation and stitches at the least, and none of that could be done right there next to the car.

“Help me get him onto the stretcher”, Erin commanded one of the men, taking charge easily and efficiently; Holtzmann stayed in the background as the doctor and one of the men moved Johnny from the car onto the stretcher, then picked him up and hurried to the sick bay with him, Holtzmann right behind them, figuring that Erin might need some help, and if it only would be holding the man down.

Once at the doctor’s building, the stretcher was put on the nearest table, and Erin told everyone but Holtzmann to leave; she asked her to ready needle and thread while she used one of the larger knives to cut the man’s shirt off, speaking soothingly to him as she did so, unaware of how Holtzmann was watching her while she did what the doctor had asked.

“I’m not sure how much blood you’ve lost, so I can’t risk giving you a painkiller”, Erin was telling the man while Holtzmann put down needle and thread next to her, then went to find disinfectant, “I’ll get you something to bite on, just to help a tiny bit. The bullet is still in there, isn’t it?”

“Yes”, he groaned, clearly not liking the idea of not getting any painkillers, but knowing that Erin had made a good point when she had spoken of his blood loss; perhaps, there had been a way to replace lost blood before the world had become a wasteland, but there wasn’t now, and it was a risk no good doctor would have taken.

And so, he just bit down on the belt Holtzmann handed to him, the teeth marks in the leather showing that it had been used for this very purpose before; Erin found it a bit questionable to have one belt specifically for this purpose, but figured that she had other things to worry about now, quickly disinfecting her hands and tools before she got to work.

Johnny groaned and yelped as she started cutting, widening the wound so she could get the bullet out easier; thankfully, she thought to herself, Holtzmann wasn’t squeamish about blood, helping her by wiping it away the best she could so Erin could actually see what she was doing.

At least, Johnny didn’t have to suffer for long, passing out from the pain when Erin moved from cutting to getting out the bullet; and so, she could remove the projectile, then stitch up and bandage the wound without Holtzmann having to hold the man down, frowning at the belt again as the engineer pulled it from the unconscious Johnny’s mouth.

“How long has Rowan been using that”, she wanted to know, shaking her head, “throw it out please, it looks as if dozens of people bit down on it, ew. Let’s get a new one or find some other straps nobody needs.”

“Okay”, Holtzmann shrugged, and tossed the belt into the trash bin; Erin gave her a thankful look, then focused on finishing her work, bandaging the wound and making sure the bandage would sit properly, checking the man’s vitals afterwards, just to make sure his heartbeat and his breathing were regular.

“I’ll have to stay with him”, she then said, making Holtzmann nod, “just to make sure he’s stable. Will you be fine on your own for the rest of the day?”

“Sure”, Holtzmann replied at once, earning a grateful smile from the doctor, “I can keep you company here for the night if you want though, we can take turns sleeping or something, it’s been a long day… And I’ll bring you some food!”

“Thank you”, Erin smiled, reaching out and briefly touching her hand; Holtzmann smiled back at her, then leaned in for a brief kiss before she hurried off, Erin keeping busy by cleaning and organizing things in Rowan’s former workspace so things were sorted like she had them back at her sick bay at the ship and would find them easily next time she had to take care of someone.

It took Holtzmann longer than Erin had expected to come back with the food, and when she finally did, Erin could tell at once that something was bothering her, the engineer speaking up before she had the chance to ask though.

“Rebecca spoke to the driver”, she let the doctor know as they sat down to eat, Johnny still out cold on the nearby table, “he told her what exactly happened. The people who are at the camp now, they had guards up, and they opened fire immediately when they saw our car. And… they had a flag up, too, to signal who they are.”

Sensing that she wouldn’t like this, Erin grasped Holtzmann’s hand, not having to ask who it was; and when Holtzmann told her, she felt her blood run cold, even felt a bit faint, asking herself if they never would have any peace.

“The flag showed a snake”, Holtzmann told her, sounding as worried as Erin was feeling, “the same one our bald slave trader friend has tattooed onto his face. They set up camp there, and once they realize how close we are to them…”

“They might come here”, Erin finished for her, “or they might go for the ship first, the defences there aren’t the best either… We have to warn them.”

“Rebecca is sending a runner already”, Holtzmann let her know, to her relief, “she plans to go after them before they can come for us. We’ll have to hit them hard and fast, and while I don’t like the thought of going back to this place, they might need me for the fight…”

“If you go, I will go, too”, Erin replied at once, shaking her head when Holtzmann looked as if she wanted to protest, “and don’t try to tell me I shouldn’t. People might get hurt and will need a doctor, and if anything happens to you... I will not just sit around here and wait while you’ll be out there, getting shot at.”

“Okay”, Holtzmann gave in rather quickly, knowing Erin well enough by now to know better than trying to argue about this; Erin gave her a somewhat wry smile, then leaned in for a brief, but gentle kiss, trying to convince herself that everything would be alright when she pulled back again and they continued eating, trying her best to keep the fear she had felt at realizing who had taken over King’s camp from taking over her mind and heart.


	32. Fight or Fall

_Fight or fall_  
_In the name of the children_  
 _Fight or fall_  
 _In the name of us all_  
 _Fight or fall_  
 _We can never surrender_  
 _Fight or fall_  
 _In the night we stand tall_

While they waited for the runner to come back from the ship, Holtzmann kept working on weapons, despite the fact that they had gotten no supplies from King’s camp and she sort of had been counting on them; she didn’t let this stop her though, making use of what she had, building more harpoons for the cars and guns and, to Erin’s concern, even a few grenades, the doctor more than once running from the sick bay to Holtzmann’s house when she heard something go poof there.

“One of these days, I’ll just keel over with a heart attack”, she told Holtzmann at one of those occasions, the engineer looking a bit bashful while Rebecca, who had hurried to the house too as it had been a rather big poof, looked stern and nodded, “thinking that you blew yourself up and running in this heat.”

“I’m fine”, Holtzmann shrugged, while Rebecca moved to open the windows as the poof had not only caused noise, but quite a bit of smoke, too, “I realized it was gonna poof and jumped back in time. And now I know how not to build it, so soon, we’ll have more grenades.”

“Good”, Rebecca gave back, her dry tone showing that she had more to say than simple praise though, “but please do try to make those without causing more _poofs_ , as you call them. We need you alive and well, and not lying in Erin’s sick bay.”

“I’m good”, Holtzmann reassured her again, bouncing on the spot as if to show that she indeed as all fine and dandy, while Erin smiled at how Rebecca had called the sick bay her place, showing that she was completely accepted as the doctor there now, “really, I am. Now please, you two, I love you both, but please let me get back to work? We need as many weapons as I can make, and time is limited.”

“I love you, too”, Erin said, smiling, while Rebecca just gave one of her rare smiles, enough of a reassurance for the engineer though that the feeling was mutual, “and yes, we’ll get you get back to work, but please take care, as Rebecca said. Okay?”

“I’m trying”, Holtzmann defended herself, prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow at her; she gave another sheepish smile and rubbed the back of her neck, looking so adorable that all Erin wanted to do was pull her close and kiss her, only holding back because Rebecca was in the room with them.

“I’ll try harder”, the engineer amended, and that was enough for Erin; she smiled and nodded, then went back to her own work, and Holtzmann did try to minimize the poofs, as she had promised, but still she kept causing some, and Erin came running each time.

Thankfully though, she managed to not injure herself, no matter how many poofs she caused; there were a few small cuts here and there, little injuries which Erin knew couldn’t be avoided, but still she made sure to clean them each night before they went to sleep, not wanting Holtzmann to end up with an infection.

A few days went by like this, until the runners came back from their trip to the ship; and to Erin’s surprise and delight, not only did they come back, but they came back as part of a large group, the ship having sent fighters along with them, clearly agreeing with Rebecca’s idea that they should attack the new inhabitants of the camp before they might get any ideas.

Abby and Patty were among the people from the ship, to Erin’s happiness; she greeted them both with a tight hug, then demanded to know what they were doing there, Abby shrugging in response while Patty gave her a toothy grin.

“What, you thought we’d let you have all the fun?” she then wanted to know, “no way. How’s your girl doing?”

Figuring that they had been told about what had happened to Holtzmann by the people from the ship who had been there for the rescue, Erin smiled, touched by the honest concern she could see from both Abby and Patty, making them smile again as well she told them that Holtzmann was fine.

“She’s been building weapons for the past few days”, she let them know as they started walking together, to the engineer’s house, “and grenades, which has been a bit worrisome. There have been many poofs.”

“Oh, she caused those when she was working with me, too”, Abby told her, earning a reproachful look from Erin as she hadn’t revealed this so far, “no need to look at me like that Erin, no one ever got hurt.”

“You make sure she’s eating enough, right?” Patty wanted to know, still remembering well how thin Holtzmann had been when she had come to the ship with Erin, “poor girl needs some meat on her bones.”

“Yes, I do”, Erin reassured her, making her smile again, “I think she’s eaten more meals at her home than at the actual chow hall, but she’s eating. She’s gained a bit of weight already, too.”

“Good”, Patty said empathically, making Erin smile as well; and then, they reached the engineer’s house and Holtzmann was greeted as enthusiastically as the doctor had been, just as happy to see Abby and Patty as Erin herself had been, the doctor feeling better about this whole situation as she knew that the fighters the ship had sent were skilled and experienced in combat, and would be very useful during the oncoming fight.

* * *

When they had formed a small group to get Holtzmann out of King’s camp, they had met at a safe distance, in the middle of the night; this time, they weren’t trying to be stealthy, wanting the people at the camp to know that they were coming.

It would have been hard to be stealthy, anyway, they all knew; they had a dozen cars, filled with armed people, the harpoons Holtzmann had built mounted to the roofs of them and extra men and women sitting at them, Holtzmann being one of them while Erin, Abby, Patty and Rebecca were in the car’s interior.

Holtzmann had joked about how this was the car of girl power, being the only one which only had women on it; now though, she didn’t feel much like joking as the camp came into view, swallowing heavily as she couldn’t help herself, but just had to think back to all she had gone through there.

The flag which now hung from a pole at the camp’s gate told everyone that said camp had a new owner, and even though it had been decades since Holtzmann had seen this snake tattooed onto the face of an ugly slave trader, she recognized it at once; and judging from how Erin tensed up in her seat, she recognized it, too, her knuckles white as she gripped her weapon tightly.

They had made a vague plan before they had set out, and now, as the camp came into view and the guards started shouting and gesticulating, signalling that they had seen them, this plan was set into motion; the cars which had harpoons formed a line, and Holtzmann took the lead, knowing the gate better than anyone, having helped building it, albeit not voluntarily.

“Aim high and for the middle!” she called out, firing first to give them a vague idea which area she meant; her harpoon hit, and seconds later, the others slammed into the metal as well, close to hers, one of them actually hitting hers instead of the gate and bouncing back off.

“That was impressive, but not the plan”, Rebecca scolded, the man who had fired that certain harpoon blushing furiously; still all other harpoons had hit, and when the cars they were attached to were put in reverse and drove back, it creaked at first, then fell over, falling to the sand with a surprisingly loud crashing noise.

Immediately, the men and women at the harpoons yanked the lever Holtzmann had added, prompting the steel cables to fall from the mechanism and drop to the ground; they could collect this again after the fight, Holtzmann had reasoned, not wanting to waste time with pulling the harpoons back and taking the risk of some of them getting stuck and immobilizing the cars.

As the steel cables fell to the sand like dead snakes, the cars already got moving again, rapidly approaching the gate; as Rebecca drove, Erin grabbed the gun she’d stowed beneath her seat and handed it up to Holtzmann, the four women seeing people running back and forth in the camp, like startled chickens, and it was quite obvious that none of them had been truly prepared for an attack.

One of them tried to run at them instead of away, gun in hand, but before he could do more then get a few steps closer, Abby had leaned out of the car and fired, and he fell, twitching as his blood spread on the sand.

Seeing one of them go down only made the others panic more, some of them throwing their weapons down and raising their hands; others tried to fight, but were gunned down quickly, the few shots they managed to fire hitting the cars or the walls around the camp, but not any of the men and women of the group.

Somewhere at the far back of the camp, close to where King had had his hut, an engine roared, and for a moment, Holtzmann was worried, afraid that they might have a car with weaponry and would use that to fight back; the car which came into view had no visible weapons though, and just one man inside it, both Holtzmann and Erin recognizing him at once.

“Hey!” they heard one of the camp’s men yell, “where are you going…!”

“He’s trying to get away!” another one shouted, and it became clear that this was exactly what he was doing, even though the camp’s only exit was blocked by the attacking cars; not wanting him to end up crashing into their vehicles, several members of the group fired at the car, shocked screams coming from the camp people when, instead of stopping or ending with a flat tire, it blew up, the people from Holtzmann’s camp and the ship ducking down and covering their heads in an attempt to protect themselves from flying debris.

With their leader gone after his cowardly try to escape, the fight quickly went out of the other people; the few which still had been holding weapons threw them down as well and raised their hands, and just like that, they had won, the group cheering at their victory as this fight had ended faster and easier than they had dared to hope.


	33. Happy Together

_Me and you and you and me_  
_No matter how they toss the dice, it had to be_  
_The only one for me is you, and you for me_  
_So happy together_

Since they had surrendered, the men and women of King’s former camp were allowed to load up the few cars they had with supplies and then could leave, Rebecca sternly telling them that they would be killed if they ever would come back to the territory of her camp or the ship’s.

They accepted these conditions, and handed over their weapons, subdued and defeated after how their leader had behaved; they clearly had expected him to lead them in the fight, and instead, he just had tried to run off, would have left them all behind if he hadn’t been stopped.

Once they were gone, the victorious group started searching the camp, collecting anything and everything which might be useful; they found more weapons and food and other supplies, and a few men and women emptied the shed Holtzmann had been held captive in, the engineer herself staying behind and keeping herself busy by collecting the discarded harpoons, not wanting to set foot into the camp again now that the threat from there had been taken care of.

Not wanting to leave her alone, Erin stayed with her, and helped; Holtzmann was grateful for this quiet support, and showed her gratitude with a gentle kiss once all the harpoons had been collected and had been stowed away in several cars.

Once the camp had been emptied as much as it had been possible, Rebecca instructed the group to burn it down, not wanting to leave it just there for anyone else who might get the idea to occupy it; Erin stood next to Holtzmann as flames started to flicker, the engineer grasping her hand and holding on to her somewhat tightly, not taking her gaze off the burning camp though, watching it burn until Rebecca touched her shoulder and suggested that they should get moving again.

For a few more moments, it seemed as if Holtzmann hadn’t even heard her, then she nodded after all, tearing her gaze away from the burning camp; without a word, she walked back to the car, Erin right next to her, putting one arm around her shoulders once they both had gotten into the vehicle, glad when Holtzmann relaxed noticeably, snuggling up to her, clearly not caring that others were around who could see this display of affection.

Rebecca drove this time, and for a while, they all were silent as the car sped through the desert; then, Holtzmann mumbled “I’m glad this place is gone”, and Erin nodded at once while Patty reached forward from the backseat and rubbed her back, Erin giving her a grateful look at this gesture of comfort.

“Me too”, Erin let her know, earning a weak smile from the engineer; she smiled back at her, then kissed her once more before she just held her close for the rest of the drive, feeling content and happy now as she fully realized that all threats were gone and from now on, they could live in peace.

* * *

“We’ll come to the ship soon”, Erin promised in the next evening, after a day of rest and taking it easy, “and stay there for a while, alright? And maybe we can bring the radio already then, Holtz is pretty sure that she can use some of the stuff from that horrible man’s camp to build radios, then we can communicate when Holtz and I are here, too.”

Abby nodded bravely, but still had to hold back tears as she hugged Erin; and Patty didn’t even bother holding them back, sniffling audibly as she embraced Erin as well and told her to take care of Holtzmann and herself.

“I will”, Erin promised, wiping at her eyes, telling herself that she would see her closest friends again soon, “and you guys take care, too.”

They reassured her they would, then hugged her again before they got into the waiting cars; Erin watched them drive off until they were out of sight, then wiped at her eyes once more before she went back to Holtzmann’s home – _their_ home now, she corrected herself, the thought making her smile again – not surprised to find the engineer already working, sorting through the things they had taken from King’s camp.

“Hey”, she smiled as she moved to embrace Holtzmann from behind, feeling even better when the engineer stopped her work immediately and leaned back into her hug for a second before she turned to face her, “how’s it going?”

“Good”, Holtzmann told her, earning another smile from the redhead, “they found a lot of useful stuff, I’ll start working on those radios as fast as possible. So we can bring them along when we go to the ship.”

“Thank you”, Erin smiled, “I know you probably have other, more important things to work on but…”

“Nah it’s okay”, the engineer shrugged, “I talked to Rebecca and she agreed that the radios are important, not just so we can speak with Abby and Patty, but so we can communicate faster in case some other nasty people show up, without having to send runners who need to travel for days. We should have thought of this way sooner.”

“Good point”, Erin had to admit, glad that now, this idea at least would be made a reality; Holtzmann smiled and shrugged again, then pulled her in for a gentle kiss, letting out a content hum afterwards as she pulled the doctor closer.

“You know”, she mumbled, speaking more to Erin’s shoulder now, this and the way she was fidgeting a bit showing that she wasn’t fully comfortable, but not letting this stop her, “the time I was held captive there was the worst time of my life, but… if that hadn’t happened, we maybe never would have met. And if snake tattoo guy hadn’t decided to leave you in the desert… It’s as if we got rewarded for the crap we had to go through by finding each other.”

Erin nodded her agreement to this, realizing that Holtzmann was right – if just one small thing would have happened slightly different, they never would have met, and she shuddered at the thought, holding Holtzmann a bit tighter as she realized how lucky they had been to find each other, despite all the pain they both had been forced to go through to end up together.

“You’re right”, she said, Holtzmann looking up again at the slight tremble in her voice and meeting her eyes, “almost as if it was fate, huh?”

Holtzmann nodded as well, then smiled and leaned in for a tender kiss; and afterwards, they just held each other for a while, marvelling at how all the single puzzle pieces had fallen into place so that they had ended up here like this, together and happy, after all the pain they had gone through.

“I love you”, Holtzmann was the one to break the silence, “and hey, this time I did not say it under dramatic circumstances.”

Erin nodded and laughed, then reassured her that she loved her too; and as she pulled her closer for another kiss, she realized again just how happy she was, happier than she ever had thought she could be in such a wasteland, hoping that their happiness would last forever, in this fleeting world of sand and dust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! It is done. I had fun writing this (except for some of the darker parts, during which I felt bad ^^; ), and I hope you enjoyed reading it. :D Special thanks to aloc for the amazing art and for supporting and inspiring me during the writing progress of this story :D


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